Covenant Devotion

Having a Wise Heart

2012-01-21T18:12:00.002-05:00

I came across this article by Nancy Wilson...wife to pastor Doug Wilson, and thought I would share it with y'all. It's rather convicting - which is a good thing, btw - So, I thought "Hey! Why should I be the only one under conviction!" Here you go sisters!

"If you have ongoing anger toward one person in particular, then it’s likely there may be some unconfessed bitterness and resentment toward that person, big or little, young or old. We get resentful over some of the dumbest things. Deal with the bitterness that is lodging in your heart. It’s poisoning everything! It feeds anger and needs anger."

"Don’t take your children’s misbehavior personally. Don’t get into an adversarial relationship with your children. You are the mother; you are in authority over them. Don’t get your feelings hurt when they don’t listen or when they disobey. They are children! That’s what children do!"

Read more here...

A Biblical Worldview

2012-01-21T17:46:00.000-05:00

He Made Us!

2011-09-23T12:22:00.001-04:00

"O LORD, Thou hast searched me, and known me.

Thou knowest my downsitting and mine uprising, Thou understandest my thought afar off.

Thou compassest my path and my lying down, and art acquainted with all my ways.

For there is not a word in my tongue, but, lo, O LORD, Thou knowest it altogether.

Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts:

and see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."

~Psalm 139:1-4, 23-24

I love this reminder of God's sovereignty. Here the Psalmist is telling us that God knows everything about us: when we sit down, when we rise up, our thoughts, and every word our tongue speaks—compassing every single tiny detail about us. Then in verse 14 of the same chapter David continues:

"I will praise Thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made:

marvelous are Thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well."

I love that. I love how God fashioned us and created us—each with different personalities, looks, and characteristics—and loves us each as something terrifically exceptional and incomparable because He made us. There is such power in those three words: He made us. If He made us, and He is God Almighty, then nothing can be wrong, absolutely nothing. And even more than that, He knows everything about us, even from our very number of hairs (Matt.10:30; Luke 12:7). That alone is astounding.amazing.powerful.awing.inspiring.extraordinary.bliss.

Doesn't that alone tell you how supremely excellent our God is?

I don't know about you, but I need to be reminded every day of just that, and I think that goes for all of us. Too often we are burdened down by the cares of this world and forget of how wonderfully crafted we are and how much mercy God bestows on us each and every day. We forget all of the extensive blessings that God has given us (i.e. breath, health, food, raiment) as we dwell on the negatives of life. Even if we are not blessed with great material wealth, while we retain breath in our body we have been given a gift. And an even greater gift we have been given is the ultimate sacrifice of Jesus Christ.

Even when we compare how much we don't have (material wealth) to how much we do have (eternal wealth), I'd say we have much more than we deserve.

Like I said, I don't know about you, but I need to be reminded every day of just that.

written by Rachel Brown of Covenant Maiden

Segregate or No?

2011-08-15T19:00:00.001-04:00

For just a short time you can watch "Divided the Movie" for free online. DIVIDED follows young Christian filmmaker Philip Leclerc on a revealing journey as he seeks answers to what has led his generation away from the church. Make sure you take the time to watch this must-see film!

On the same note, you can listen to my husbands radio show dealing with this very same topic. Part 1- Divided - It's not just a movie and Part 2- Divided - It's elementary my dear Watson! The real question is, "Are the scriptures sufficient for every aspect of life, or just a few areas"? So many churches are throwing away the sufficiency of scripture and we wonder why we are in such a mess!

Also, if you are able, would you prayerfully consider giving to our church and ministry to help advance the Kingdom of our LORD and Saviour Jesus Christ? The devil would LOVE to see us crumble, no doubt. But with your prayer and support, we can go on working to establish what Christ has called us to do. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts. You can donate at Covenant Commission.

Growing in Christ

2011-07-04T21:12:00.002-04:00

God never places us in any position in which we cannot grow. We may imagine that He does. We may fear we are so impeded by fretting petty cares that we are gaining nothing; but when we are not sending any branches upward, we may be sending roots downward. Perhaps in the time of our humiliation, when everything seems a failure, we are making the best kind of progress. Look on and look up. Lay hold on Christ with both your poor, empty hands. Let Him do with you what seems good to Him. Though He slay you, still trust in Him, and I dare in His name to promise you a sweeter, better life than you could have ever known, had He left you to drink of the full dangerous cups of unmingled prosperity.

~ Elizabeth Prentiss (1818 - 1878)

The Spotless Spouse

2011-06-14T11:38:00.000-04:00

Written by Susanna Spurgeon

"You are so beautiful, My beloved; there is no spot in you." - Song of Solomon 4:7

"Ah!" I hear some timid, trembling believer say, "such a text can have nothing to do with me! I am the very opposite of all that is beautiful and spotless. The eyes of my soul have seen hideous sights within, which I can never forget; and I loathe myself and my sin so much that, though I believe God has forgiven me for Christ's sake, I feel it impossible to take those precious words as addressed to one so sinful and imperfect."

Yet, trembling soul, I would bid you take courage, and look up. Christ's love for His people is marvelously set forth in this Song of Songs; and if you are a believer in Him, you must be part of that Church—as much His bride and spouse as the greatest saint, or most renowned disciple. The Master makes no difference between upper and lower servants in His household. The same price was paid to redeem the least lamb of the flock, as for the choicest sheep; the same precious blood was poured out to ransom the feeblest child of the great family, as for its strongest and most notable member.

Come, then, timid one, fear not to grasp the truth now put before you; delay not to rejoice in the blessed fact that you are indeed precious to the Lord; and when He says, "You are all beautiful, My beloved," do not contradict Him by lamenting your blackness; but, rather, adoringly bow before Him in wonder at the miracle His love has wrought in you. It ill becomes the bride of Christ to ignore His loveliness, which He has put upon her, and go about bemoaning the scars and blemishes which His great love overlooks and forgets.

It is quite true that, in themselves, believers are sorrowfully imperfect and sinful; but if the Lord Jesus, in His marvelous mercy, unrobes Himself to cover over their unrighteousness, they may well be content to be thus made "beautiful" in His sight. Do you ask, "Why should He do this?" Look at the succeeding words, "My beloved." We cannot comprehend the mystery and sublimity of Divine love; but it is the sole and all-sufficient reason for the dear Lord's estimate of us; and when He uses such endearing language, our hearts melt and are ravished by His condescension. Even as earthly affection is intensified and nourished by tender tones and words of special grace, so, (with reverence we say it,) when our dear Master deigns to address us in accents of love and admiration, our souls are thrilled with heavenly bliss, and we are uplifted beyond all the sorrows and vexations of this world, into an atmosphere of unspeakable spiritual joy! To be "the beloved of the Lord," to "dwell in safety by Him," as our Husband and dearest Friend, is so high an attainment, and so glorious a privilege, that it must forever be a marvel why we are so listless in seeking it, or so sinfully content without it.

"My beloved," Oh, say it again, dear Master! Let the music of Your voice touch and vibrate through the deepest chords of my nature, and awaken sweet responses in my soul! You are the fount and source of all love; oh, fill me, overwhelm me, plunge me in this sea of mercy and of grace! I would be swallowed up in it, knowing no other joy or bliss comparable to that of being able to say, "My Beloved is mine—and I am His."

"There is no spot in you." Can our loving Lord really mean this, and mean it of you and I, dear reader? He does, indeed, if only we have believed on His Name to the saving of our soul, and trusted in His precious blood to wash away all our sin. But is it not a love passing knowledge which can cause such a statement to be absolute truth? "There is no spot in you." "Where, then, are all my spots, dear Lord, for they were legion; and sin must have rendered me vile and loathsome in Your pure sight?" The reply comes direct from the Lord's own Word: "When I passed by you, and looked upon you, behold, your time was the time of love. So I spread the edge of My garment over you and covered your nakedness. I pledged Myself to you, entered into a covenant with you, and you became Mine!"

"Before He saved her, well He knew,
What a heart like her's would do."

All the uncleanness—past, present, and future—all the deformity and blackness is put aside by love, cleansed away by blood, covered by Christ's righteousness; and so completely is this done, that God Himself can find no remnant or stain of that which would have meant eternal death to an unwashed soul. Oh, the "riches of the glory of this mystery," this mighty power which lifts a poor sinner from the depths of sin—to the heights of heavenly bliss! "What kind of love is this?" It is so Divine and incomprehensible that, in the contemplation of it, we are lost in wonder and amazement, and have to cry out, with the disciples of old, "Lord, increase our faith!"

"There is no spot in you." An old writer says—"Now, if God sees no spot, why should you be prying after one? Poring over your misery, searching after your blackness and depravity, will be no help to you. It is only keeping your eye off Jesus, instead of up unto Jesus. You cannot look two ways at once. How did the poor serpent-bitten Israelites in the wilderness get relief and healing? By looking to their sores, their wounds, their malady? Oh, no! it was by looking to the brazen serpent! And if you would get relief, it must be by looking to Jesus Christ!"

Now, my poor heart, will you not accept your Lord's own verdict concerning you, and rejoice in His assurance that you are lovely with His loveliness which He has put upon you? That HE thinks you to be "all beautiful" will make you guard against any defilement, and keep aloof from anything which could sully your purity. That He should say, "My beloved," will help you to listen more eagerly for His sweet voice, waiting upon His lips lest one love-word should be lost. And that He should declare, "There is no spot in you," will make you so tenderly circumspect that you will be enabled to "walk worthy of God" and of love so unspeakable and Divine.

Lord Jesus, what a glorious Savior You are! How can Your bride, Your Church, tell forth her delight in Your beauty? All the sin, which made her SO black and vile, was laid upon You; yet it only made You "fairer than the children of men;" and the bearing of that awful burden does but immeasurably enhance the glory which was Your with the Father before the world was created. How sorrowful it is that such love should be despised and rejected by thousands whom it could and would save from eternal death!

The question comes pertinently, "What do you think you of Christ?" Bless the Lord, if we can make answer, "He is the chief among ten thousand! Yes, He is altogether lovely!"

The Impending Disaster of Chaos

2011-05-17T20:47:00.002-04:00

* written by Rachel Brown

If people looking in on the outside scrutinized our lives, even the intimate details we try to hide, would they see a wild-haired, long-clawed woman greedy for a husband, hypocritical in public, a domineering boss at home, a bore around her family, rebellious to the core, a relationship with God only embers, secretly reading romance novels and trying to pass off as a "content" daughter at home, and secretly longing to be married (as soon as possible!)?

If so, we would be denying everything we ever stood for. Our witness for Christ would disintegrate, and our influence as a content daughter at home would have failed. This is exactly what the feminist movement would like to happen. And taking a quick look around our society, I'd say this is what is happening. From the media especially we receive a distorted view of love and life. Liberals, atheists, communists, socialists, and feminists want us to get discouraged, wreck havoc in our homes, and ultimately destroy the family as an institution; therefore destroying God—their fundamental end. Betty Friedan, so-called "author" of American feminism, tried to misrepresent housewives as victims of patriarchy who are chained down by rules and regulations with absolutely no freedom. We are realistically slaves who have no say in life if we are bound down by the chains of a debased home, according to world feminism. On the other hand, we can be independent and free if we do what we want with our lives as long as we are away from the home. Forget about men, marriage, and babies—those are called shackles, more particularly, the shackles of yesterday (remember the song from Mary Poppins?) What we don't realize about Friedan, however, is that she was a staunch supporter of Joseph Stalin (communist dictator of Russia,1929-1953). Isn't it kind of ironic that a stalwart supporter of feminism and women's rights (women-who-want-nothing-to-do-with-men) was also devoted supporter of a...[gasp]...man? Another thing not commonly known among the feminist masses is that she was not a housewife herself, contrary to her stance. Her goal was the same as the communist movement: destroy the family, destroy the church, destroy the civil institutions, destroy society as a whole, destroy the country's liberty, destroy Almighty God.

"My object in life is to dethrone God and destroy capitalism." -Karl Marx

"If I could control Hollywood, I could control the world." -Joseph Stalin

"Give me four years to teach the children and the seed I plant will never be uprooted." -Vladimir Lenin

What we don't understand is that while we are fighting and bickering, daydreaming, and not working for the kingdom of Jesus Christ, communists and others are working their fingers to the bone to overthrow liberty. Have you ever stopped to wonder why there are so many feminists, atheists, obsessed radicals, liberals, racists, communists, socialists, and family/God/state/ haters; and yet seemingly so little of femininity, masculinity, godly leaders, freedom lovers, and Christian-grounded families? The answer is quite simple, really. The devoted leaders of the communist movement have realized they cannot win without the majority of the people. Therefore they water down their message to what the people want to hear, and they hide behind false names like "progressives," "healthcare," "government welfare," "environmentalism," "feminism," "media," "public schools" (i.e. government schools), "contemporary religion," "traditional Marxism," "homosexuality," and other such names. Millions of people eat up these words, and become, as Lenin put it so factually, "useful idiots."   In other words, most of the common people don't really know the issue, don't really understand, and some probably don't really care. Confronted with the actual terms of "communism," "socialism," "destroy Americanism," they would most likely be stunned or unconcerned. We have become a callous, indifferent, hardhearted, and unfeeling people.

Today's American children learn nothing about this country's true history and founding fathers, but are given heroes like Abraham Lincoln who "freed the slaves and saved the Union," and Martin Luther King Jr, leader of the "civil rights movement" in the U.S., supposedly for black and white "integration." Moreover, children are brainwashed by evolution and "we come from monkeys." Every scrap of material taught in public schools comes from the government [read: communists], proving my point: while the useful idiots make up the lower classes, the true conspirators are in the news media, Hollywood, the newspapers, radio and television, Congress, the House of Representatives and the Senate, even in the White House! They have one of their own in every leading branch of public interest. With yellow eyes, sharply filed fangs, and a seducing smile, they lead the overwhelming populace forward blindly. Someday the blind eyes of the people will finally open, but then it will be too late. Already we are socialistic and headed for communism ("The goal of socialism is communism." -Stalin). Our national leaders are directing a totalitarian government, and we shouldn't be surprised if, one day, we have a dictator in place of a President.

Benjamin Franklin said in concern: "I am apprehensive, therefore—perhaps too apprehensive—that the Government of these States may in future times end in a monarchy. But this catastrophe, I think, may be long delayed, if in our proposed system we do not sow the seeds of contention, faction, and tumult, by making our posts of honor places of profit."   Apparently his apprehensions were well-grounded, for the results have become far more appalling than he ever dreamed.

Daughters at home are being attacked; masculinity and femininity are being attacked; gun rights are being attacked; families are under attack; the church is being attacked; the entirety of America is under attack, all from within our midst. Sometimes it would seem simpler if our invaders dropped bombs around us. Then we would know exactly what to do in return: drop bombs on them. Unfortunately, their aggressive assault is more subtle, for they realize that working behind the scenes to penetrate America will reap more rewards than military combat. They are attacking everything that America has ever stood for that was right and good and true. And they intend to win.

Are we going to let them win? Although we can do nothing of ourselves, there is only hope in Jesus Christ. Right now our duty is to equip ourselves. For example: defend unborn life; learn to wield a gun (yes, even us women!); educate ourselves concerning history, theology, politics, economics, socialism, communism, so we will have an answer to every one that asks us (1 Peter 3:15-16). We are not totally helpless...yet. Even as stay-at-home daughters we can still fight the good fight of faith. Our vigilance, fortitude, and zeal will depend upon our attitudes. If we are truly willing to stand up and fight, first we must prepare our hearts before the Lord. Nothing can be accomplished without His hand (Philippians 4:13). Secondly, we must first fight the good fight right in our own homes. To be a corner stone, "polished after the similitude of a palace" (Psalm 144:12), we must become the daughter and sibling, wife and mother, father and husband and son God wants us to be, which will ultimately be a woman/man after His own heart. We must constantly remind ourselves of the grave danger lurking. As a daughter, son, wife, or husband, we all should remember that we have treacherous enemies working to destroy the very beliefs we stand for. With God's help, become the very best woman or man you possibly can be. With God's help there is no limit. Although our depraved human nature may buck us off now and then, our duty is to get right back on the horse. Failure is not an option. I myself must realize this in my own life. Because I should not dwell on the dejected side of myself, I should press toward the mark of shaping my life according to God's standards. In the end, truth and freedom will endure and triumph, when the kingdoms of this world have become the kingdoms of our Lord. Then He will reign forever (Revelation 11:15). Until then, our responsibility is to remain faithful, even when the world seems completely lost in sin and chaos. If we just look at one small portion of the picture it does indeed look hopeless. Like Russia, America would so easily fall completely into communist hands (or is she already?). But if we look at the entire picture, we would see God's promises:

Blessed are you when men revile you for My sake (Matthew 5:11-12).
Seek first the kingdom of God and all these things shall be added unto you (Matthew 6:33).
Whosoever believes in Me will I confess before My Father (Matthew 10:32-33).
He that endures to the end shall be saved (Matthew 10:28).
I will give you rest (Matthew 11:28).
Well done, though good and faithful servant (Matthew 25:23).
I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life (John 14:1-6).
I will overcome (John 16:33).
Christ died for us (Romans 5:8).
All things work together for good to those who love God (Romans 8:28).
Nothing shall separate us from the love of Christ (Romans 8:35-39).

God has given us many promises, countless others among these. Finally it all boils down to this verse: "The kingdoms of this world are become the kingdoms of our Lord, and of His Christ; and He shall reign for ever and ever." ~Revelation 11:15.   Then, "God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away." ~Revelation 21:4

Daughters at home, I encourage you. Fellow citizens of the United States of America, I cheer you. I want us to be examples of biblical womanhood, of genuine faithfulness, of true excellence, of bona fide fight-hard, die-hard Christians who will sacrifice all for the kingdom of Christ. I want feminists to cower in fear when they hear of our corps. I want communists to retreat in dread of our God. And I want Barak Obama's "change" thwarted by the old-time religion of our founding fathers. The faith and rights our soldiers have fought and died for in the past wars should be fought for today. The War for Independence, as well as the War for Southern Independence, was fought with certain principles in mind, that all men are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, and among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

What else have we to fight for, to die for, if not for Jesus Christ and these basic principles of life? The answer is nothing, nothing whatsoever.

*Rachel Brown is the eldest daughter of James and Sonya Brown. She is an amazing writer, a talented violinist, a good cook, and a dedicated daughter. To read more about her, you can visit her blog, Covenant Maiden.

Lest we forget our first love...

2011-05-07T17:57:00.000-04:00

I have several “favorite” verses in scripture and one of them happens to be Psalm 46:10, “Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.” I have to go back to that verse time and time again, and still yet, time and again I forget and get caught up in the busyness of life. It’s like a vicious cycle….we wander away even a day to do things “our” way and we have to be prodded back into the fold. As another favorite verse says, {Proverbs 3:5-6} “Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.” How many times do we fail to trust in the LORD and instead lean on our OWN understanding? Why is it so hard for us to acknowledge him and let HIM direct our paths?

Ecclesiastes 2:11 says, “Then I looked on all the works that my hands had wrought, and on the labour that I had laboured to do: and, behold, all was vanity and vexation of spirit, and there was no profit under the sun.” We try to do everything according to OUR works, OUR way. Instead of allowing God to rule, we want to rule. There is nothing new under the sun. We are like our first parents, Adam and Eve, we want things OUR way {or is that the Burger King way?} We are sinners from our mother’s womb. Thank the LORD we have an advocate, Jesus Christ the righteous, who has interceded on our behalf! The LORD wants us to be faithful in season and out of season. When it’s popular and when it’s not popular. Our trust should ALWAYS be in Him. Not in our selves. We will fail every time. Did I say that loud enough? I said EVERY time. Plain and simple. We might as well fess up right now and admit that we are weak, puny, filthy beings worthy of hell. Because that is what we are. It is ONLY through Christ that we are made free. He is our strength. He is our righteousness. He is our life. My husbands favorite verse is Philippians 4:13 which says, “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.” It needs to be seared into our minds…HE is our strength. And without him we would be nothing!

As Psalm 40:17 says, “I am poor and needy; yet the Lord thinketh upon me: thou art my help and my deliverer; make not tarrying, O my God.” Years ago when I came across that verse, it struck me to the very core of my being. The LORD, the maker of Heaven and Earth, the Almighty….He thinks about me! Little o’ stinkin’, rottin’ me….it was also very sobering to say the least. But as I said before, there is hope. We don’t have to be downcast and think that all is lost. The scripture is full of promises from our Heavenly Father declaring his love for us. “Why art thou cast down, O my soul? And why art thou disquieted within me? Hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise him, who is the health of my countenance, and my God.” -Psalm 42:11 And again in Psalm 48:14, “For this God is our God for ever and ever: he will be our guide even unto death.” I can only speak for myself, but I personally don’t want to be like the church in Revelation that forgot their first love. I want to praise him and bring him glory each and every day of my life. And when I do forget….Please, just give me a good swift kick in the pants!

I’ll leave you with a few more verses to ponder, including one of my all-time favorites, Lamentations 3:22-23 “It is of the LORD’S mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.”

“I will say of the LORD, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust.”

-Psalm 91:2

“Trust in the LORD, and do good; so shalt thou dwell in the land, and verily thou shalt be fed. Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass. And he shall bring forth thy righteousness as the light, and thy judgment as the noonday. Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for him: fret not thyself because of him who prospereth in his way, because of the man who bringeth wicked devices to pass. Cease from anger, and forsake wrath: fret not thyself in any wise to do evil. For evildoers shall be cut off: but those that wait upon the LORD, they shall inherit the earth.” -Psalms 37:3-9

Are you a Hollywood Christian?

2011-04-16T22:18:00.000-04:00

You don't have to tell me twice that American Christians are falling away from the truth of God's Word at an alarming rate...I already know it. It is becoming quite obvious that we live in a society that is made up of what I call "Hollywood Christians". It is so watered down that anybody and everybody can be a "Christian" and still live a Hollywood lifestyle. Forget living a holy, consecrated life set apart for the glory of God, we want to "have our cake and eat it too" lifestyle and "who are you to judge me"? It is apparent in the new movie Soul Surfer which is being raved about and supported by so many of these "Christians". Why does it seem that Christians are some of the easiest people to dumb down? You would think we were a bunch of sheep or something :)

Stacy McDonald wrote a good review {Part 1 and Part 2} of the movie on her blog, Your Sacred Calling. It is encouraging to know there are still some out there willing to take a stand for truth and righteousness. You can also listen to a radio broadcast from my husband, Pastor James Brown, on the subject as well entitled Soul Seducers. May we endeavor to live our lives to the glory of God ALONE, and not so that we can fit in with the Hollywood crowd.

Just like a Cookie

2011-02-25T16:28:00.000-05:00

written by Grace Brown* - Graceful Maiden

Today while cooking over the hot stove baking cookies, my first batch wasn't turning out right. Usually the first batch can sometimes be like that; flat. Crumbly. They may taste good, but they sure wouldn't win first prize for their looks. Then, second batch comes and they turn out a whole lot better. Third batch is even better, starts looking more round and like an actual cookie.

Well, like you are guessing, the first batch left me totally aggravated. It makes you start thinking; "What if the whole batch of cookies looks like this!" And if you are anything like me, that sure isn't a very good thought!

I simply love being in the kitchen, but sometimes while alone I can start feeling mighty lonely. So, I turned on some music, and let my thoughts entertain me. Well, one of my thoughts turned to my blog and what to write about next. Then all the sudden I had an Idea, and that is-- "We are just like those cookies"

Yes, yes, I know that by now you are laughing. I mean, us, like a cookie? What could we ever really resemble. Surely its not our smell?

Well, before you get worried; no! It is not our smell. Although, that would be rather fun wouldn't it? Smelling like a delicious cookie all the time would attract a lot of people, and make a lot of people like us, wouldn't it? But no, that isn't exactly where I was trying to go.

As I described above when the first batch of cookies doesn't turn out right, they are very crumbly and ugly looking on the outside. By looks they are nothing. But when you bite down into the surface; when you feel the smoothness on your mouth-- its wonderful! Our lives are sorta like that. From the outside we may feel as if we are nothing, we may feel ugly and feel like we should just throw ourselves away.

But deep down we know that we have something wonderful surrounding us; and that is God! But what about the outside? What happens then? By just looking at us everyone will think that we are a failure.

Well, the Bible says that "Man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart." So you see, though the people around us may look on our outward appearance and judge us by our looks; God looks deeper than that. He looks to the heart.

And if our heart is full of love for him; beautiful and loyal-- that is all that matters! And if we trust in God, and praise his name day by day, soon we shall turn out to be just like those last batches of cookies. Soft. Beautiful. Fluffy. Or in other words; we shall be beautiful, and look like we have some great purpose... even from the outside. That is IF we will call on the name of the Lord, and just take one step at a time... with God by our side.

Whether you are feeling discouraged, ugly, or like a failure. That us just something to let you think upon for a little while. But for now...You didn't know that you could resemble a cookie, now did you?

*Grace Brown is the second oldest daughter of James and Sonya Brown. You can read more about her on her blog, Graceful Maiden

Our God IS Great!

2011-02-11T08:05:00.000-05:00

We watched a video by Louie Giglio last night during our devotions called How Great is our God. We had seen another version of it several years ago and it was simply amazing! It will leave you in awe at the Grandeur of our God and His infinite BIG-ness! I hope you enjoy!

Anne Bradstreet... Truly Feminine

2011-02-04T11:06:00.000-05:00

Anne Bradstreet by D.B. Kellogg is a book I would recommend reading. It gives an accurate account of Anne Bradstreet, a remarkable, truly dedicated, Proverbs 31 woman. She took her role as a wife and mother seriously. She was married at the age of 16. She believed that God's hand was guiding her in every area of her life, that everything happened through the providential hand of God. Her husband was her "chiefest comforter on Earth" and she loved him deeply and was very thankful for God's provision in her life. It was important to her that she encourage her husband. She devoted her life to the Lord and to her family. Despite her ill health, she had 8 children, 4 boys and 4 girls. She delighted in training her children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Education and Biblical teaching was an important part of the lives of her children. She was blessed with the gift of words for which she wrote many lovely poems. She endured many trials and hardships but through it all she gave God the glory in her life.

I received this book free from Thomas Nelson Publishers as part of their BookSneeze.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255

Living the Impossible

2011-01-20T19:34:00.001-05:00

written by Rachel Brown - Covenant Maiden

2010 has closed its door; 2011 has opened another. This means God has not forsaken us, but has given us another chance at life, and another chance to live wholly for His glory. Let's look at "living for God's glory" a moment. 1 Corinthians 10:31 says, "Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God." We may smile and nod our heads in righteous piety, but do we take this verse at its fullest context? "I pray before I eat," we may say triumphantly. Apparently we forgot to read the remainder of the verse. You've heard that the Bible applies to every area of life? This verse could sum it up. Man's chief end is to glorify God and to enjoy Him forever, exactly what this verse is reminding us. "Whatsoever ye do" doesn't mean whatever we feel like doing or whatever we want to do - it is everything. That means how we treat our siblings, honor our parents, the music we listen to, the movies we watch, the books we read, the words we say, our attitudes, our thoughts, even the simplest chores around the house. We want to do something big, however. Some of us may be willing to face the jungles of Africa or the communist hostility in China, but no one wants to wield a toilet scrubber and face a dirty bathroom. Or, we may want to work in a big company for fame, recognition, money, or even just to make a difference, but who wants to help their father in his vision and business, especially if it is small and unnoticed? We would gloriously die on the mission field, but we don't want to live contentedly at home. We take Paul's words in Philippians 1:21 a little too far. Sure, to die is gain for Christ.

Daughters at home can get a little discouraged sometimes. Okay, maybe very discouraged (more than sometimes). This is dangerous- very dangerous - because the world begins to look inviting. We must not fall into that trap! Daily routine becomes monotonous. Because of our restlessness and discontentment, we are grumpy, moody, and liable to be snappish. The truth of the matter is that we are not happy with our position, and we don't want to glorify God in everything.

I'm not one for making New Year's resolutions. I never have been. Anything I might have "promised" myself in the past always ended in disaster, such as waking up every morning with a smile on my lips and a song in my heart. It's always the impossible with me. I might want to be completely loving, always honoring my parents, never quarreling [much] with my siblings, always having the right attitude in every situation, being a servant, daily displaying the Fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22,23), and on and on and on the list goes. Call me crazy, but I'm a perfectionist.

Mark 10:27 and Luke 1:37; 18: 27 say the same thing: with God nothing is impossible. So we think that, while glorifying God in the home, everything should be practically unproblematic. We want the easy life. Yet, if everything was easy and breezy, where would satisfaction come in? Our character would never be strengthened, our patience would never be tried, and we would never receive a "well done" from our Master. Life wouldn't be life without difficulty. There would be no triumph over trials and no ultimate glory in the end. We would be lazy good-for-nothings.

Again we take a verse out of context (many times we do this to fit our preferences, ironically). We as infallible human beings cannot be perfect! Everything is impossible with us because we cannot do good. (Romans 3:10; 3:23; 7:15; Isaiah 64:6) Therefore we shouldn't expect a miracle every morning (especially at 7:00 a.m.). However, this also doesn't mean we have the right to be a snappy grump. Titus 2:3-5 exhorts women of all ages to be holy, temperate, loving, discreet, good, and obedient - showing us a pattern of good works. I know from experience how hard it is to be kind and patient. But that doesn't give us the license to be mean, cross, and irritable. To develop a good relationship with family and friends we have to be considerate, helpful, understanding, and attentive. If not, bitterness and strife will cause pain because of rejection. Again, speaking from experience, people will want to completely ignore you if you haven't the right attitude. Everyone finds irksome people a chore to get along with. True love will find a way, however, even amongst faults. (1 Corinthians 13)

With a whole new year ahead of us, just waiting for us to taste the delicious delights pending over the horizon, we shouldn't expect the impossible. Instead, cultivate joy and contentment even in the smallest of things. People will be happier, and the atmosphere so much more pleasant. Because God in His mercy and grace has given us another chance, we ought to look forward with bright eyes and a rapidly beating heart. Only God knows what lies ahead, but we can be sure it will be something grand as long as we walk in His footsteps.

Living the impossible...
For the Crown Rights of Jesus Christ
Soli Deo Gloria!

Rachel is the oldest daughter of James and Sonya Brown. Check out her blog, Covenant Maiden, to find our more about her.

A word of encouragement

2011-01-09T10:24:00.000-05:00

So many times we may get bogged down in the every day, same routine, wondering if we really are doing any good with our homes. We may even be ridiculed by the world that we are "just housewives". But we can rest assured that God is God, and He has promised to bless His children for obedience. If we train our children up in the LORD, then He has promised that they will NEVER depart from it. That is a wonderful promise!

Here is a quote I came across from Charles Spurgeon that is very uplifting especially in our day and time, even though He said it over 100 years ago!

"You are as much serving God in looking after your own children, and training them up in God’s fear, and minding the house, and making your household a church for God, as you would be if you had been called to lead an army to battle for the Lord of hosts."

Don't give up hope! With God, NOTHING is impossible!

A Great Video!

2010-11-30T10:41:00.000-05:00

Wouldn't be awesome if Christians all over the country started doing this in public places?... proclaiming Christ as King for all the world to hear? This video is a must see! See if it doesn't make you want to stand up and sing to the top of your lungs, "And He shall reign forever and ever!"

A Woman's Question

2010-11-18T19:06:00.000-05:00

A Woman's Question

by Adelaide Procter

BEFORE I trust my fate to thee,
Or place my hand in thine,
Before I let thy future give
Color and form to mine,
Before I peril all for thee, question thy soul to-night for me.

I break all slighter bonds, nor feel
A shadow of regret:
Is there one link within the Past
That holds thy spirit yet?
Or is thy faith as clear and free as that which I can pledge to thee?

Does there within thy dimmest dreams
A possible future shine,
Wherein thy life could henceforth breathe,
Untouch’d, unshar’d by mine?
If so, at any pain or cost, O, tell me before all is lost.

Look deeper still. If thou canst feel,
Within thy inmost soul,
That thou hast kept a portion back,
While I have stak’d the whole;
Let no false pity spare the blow, but in true mercy tell me so.

Is there within thy heart a need
That mine cannot fulfil?
One chord that any other hand
Could better wake or still?
Speak now—lest at some future day my whole life wither and decay.

Lives there within thy nature hid
The demon-spirit Change,
Shedding a passing glory still
On all things new and strange?
It may not be thy fault alone—but shield my heart against thy own.

Couldst thou withdraw thy hand one day
And answer to my claim,
That Fate, and that to-day’s mistake—
Not thou—had been to blame?
Some soothe their conscience thus; but thou wilt surely warn and save me now.

Nay, answer not,—I dare not hear,
The words would come too late;
Yet I would spare thee all remorse,
So, comfort thee, my fate—
Whatever on my heart may fall—remember, I would risk it all!

Are you a Neanderthal?

2010-11-06T20:31:00.001-04:00

Has the thought ever entered your mind, "I am such a Neanderthal"? Well, me neither, but Sarah Palin seems to think we are exactly that. We just need to become more "modern". WELL, {hmmph} I never!

Maybe we need to have a new Geico commercial -- starring --

The Common Homemaker! It's so easy, even a caveman could do it! {I'm sorry, I couldn't help myself}

What does your tongue say?

2010-10-15T10:25:00.000-04:00

Here's a little "conviction" to throw everyone's way... {including mine}

The Home Conversation by J.R. Miller

Few things are more important in a home, than its conversation—yet there are few things to which less deliberate thought is given. We take great pains to have our house well-furnished. We select our carpets and pictures with the utmost care. We send our children to school that they may become intelligent. We strive to bring into our homes, the best conditions of happiness. But how often is the speech of the household left untrained and undisciplined?

The good we might do in our homes with our tongues, if we would use them to the limit of their capacity of cheer and helpfulness, it is simply impossible to state. That in most homes the best possible results from the gift of speech are not attained, is very evident. Why should so much power for blessing be wasted? Especially why should we ever pervert these gifts, and use our tongues to do evil, to give pain, to scatter seeds of bitterness? It is a sad thing when a child is born dumb; but it were better far to be born dumb, and never to have the gift of speech—than, having that gift, to employ it in speaking only sharp, unloving, or angry words.

While in all places and at all times our words should be well chosen, and should be full of the pure and gentle spirit of Christ—there are many reasons why the home conversation, pre-eminently, should be loving. Home is the place for warmth and tenderness: it should be made the brightest and sweetest spot on earth, to those who dwell within its walls. We should all carry there our very best moods, tempers, and dispositions. Especially by our speech should we seek to contribute to the enrichment of the home life, helping to make it elevating and refining, and in every way ennobling in its influence.

Home should inspire every tongue to speak its most loving words—yet there is in many families, a great dearth of kind speech. In some cases, there is no conversation at all worthy of the name; there are no affectionate greetings in the morning, or hearty good-nights at parting when the evening closes; the meals are eaten in silence; there are no bright fireside chats over the events and incidents of the day. A stranger might mistake the home for a deaf-and-dumb institution, or for a hotel where strangers were together only for a passing night. In other cases—it would be even better if silence did reign—for there are words of miserable strife and shameful quarreling heard from day to day!

Husband and wife, who vowed at the marriage-altar to cherish each other until death, keep up an incessant petty strife of words!

Parents, who are commanded in the Holy Word not to provoke their children to wrath, lest they be discouraged, but to bring them up in the nurture of the Lord, scarcely ever speak to them gently and in tenderness. They seem to imagine that they are not governing their children, unless they are perpetually scolding them. They fly into a rage against them at the smallest irritation. They issue their commands to them in words and tones which would better suit the despot of a petty savage tribe, than the head of a Christian household. It is not strange, that, under such "nurture," the children, instead of dwelling together in unity, with loving speech—only wrangle and quarrel, speaking only bitter words in their interactions with one another.

That there are many homes of just this type, it is idle to deny. That prayer is offered morning and evening in some of these families, only makes the truth the sadder; for it is mockery for the members of a household to rise together from their knees after morning devotion, only to begin another day of strife and bitterness!

Nothing in the home life needs to be more carefully watched and more diligently cultivated, than the conversation; it should be imbued with the spirit of love. No bitter word should ever be spoken!

The talk of husband and wife, in their companionship together, should always be tender. Anger in word, or even in tone—should never be allowed! Chiding and fault-finding should never be permitted to mar the sacredness of their speech! The warmth and tenderness of their hearts, should flow out in every word that they utter to each other. As parents, too, in their interaction with their children, they should never speak—but in words of Christ-like gentleness. It is a fatal mistake to suppose that children's lives can grow up into beauty— an atmosphere of strife! Harsh, angry words are to their sensitive souls—what frosts are to the delicate flowers! To bring them up in the nurture of the Lord, is to bring them up as Christ himself would do; and surely that would be with infinite tenderness. It is impossible to estimate the blessed influence of loving speech, day after day and month after month—it is like the falling of warm spring rain and sunshine on the garden. Beauty and sweetness of character will issue from such a home.

But home conversation needs more than love, to give it its best influence: it ought to be enriched by thought. The Savior's warning against idle words should be remembered. Every wise-hearted parent will seek to train his household to converse on subjects which will yield instruction, or tend toward spiritual and moral refinement. The table affords an excellent opportunity for this kind of education. Three times each day the family gathers there; it is a place for cheerfulness. Simply on the grounds of health, meals should never be eaten in silence. Bright, cheerful conversation is an excellent sauce, and a prime aid to digestion. If it prolongs the meal, and thus appears to take too much time out of the busy day—t will, in the end, add to the years by increased healthfulness and lengthened life. In any case, however, something is due to spiritual and moral refinement, and still more is due to the culture of one's home life.

The table should be made the center of the social life of the household. There, all should appear at their best and brightest; gloom should be banished. The conversation should be sprightly and sparkling; it should consist of something besides dull and threadbare commonplaces. The idle gossip of the street is not a worthy theme for such hallowed moments. The conversation of the table should be of a kind to interest all the members of the family; hence it should vary to suit the age and intelligence of those who form the family circle. The events and occurrences of each day, may with profit be spoken of and discussed; and now that the daily newspaper contains so full and faithful a summary of the world's doings and happenings, this is easy. Each one may mention the event which has specially impressed him in reading or in discussion without. Bits of refined humor should always be welcome, and all wearisome recital and dull, uninteresting discussion, should be avoided.

Table-talk may be enriched, and at the same time the education of all the members of the family may be advanced, by bringing out at least one new fact at each meal, to be added to the common fund of knowledge. Suppose there are two or three children at the table, varying in their ages from five to twelve. Let the father or the mother have some particular subject to introduce during the meal, which will be both interesting and profitable to the younger members of the family. It may be some historical incident, or some scientific fact, or an event in the life of some distinguished man. The subject should not be above the capacity of the younger people, for whose special benefit it is introduced, nor should the conversation be over-weighted by attempting too much at one time.

One single fact clearly presented, and firmly impressed so as to be remembered, is better than whole chapters of information poured out in a confused jargon on minds, that tomorrow cannot recall any part of it. A little thought will show the rich benefits of a system like this, if faithfully followed through a series of years. If but one fact is presented at every meal, there will be a thousand things taught to the children in a year! If the subjects are wisely chosen, the fund of knowledge communicated in this way will be of no inconsiderable value. A whole system of education lies in this suggestion; for, besides the communication of important knowledge, the habit of mental activity is stimulated, interest is awakened in lines of study and research which may afterwards be followed out, tastes are improved, while the effect upon the family life is elevating and refining!

It may be objected that such a system of table-talk could not be conducted without much thought, study, and preparation on the part of parents. But if the habit once were formed, and the plan properly introduced, it would be found comparatively easy for parents of ordinary intelligence to maintain it. Books are now prepared in great numbers, giving important facts in small compass. Then, there are encyclopedias and dictionaries of various kinds. The newspapers contain every week paragraphs and articles of great value in such a course. A wise use of scissors and paste will keep scrap-books well filled with materials which can readily be made available. It will be necessary to think and plan for such a system, to choose the topics in advance, and to become familiar with the facts. This work might be shared by both parents, and thus be easy for both. That it will cost time and thought and labor ought not to be an objection, for is it not worth almost any cost to secure the benefits and advantages which would result from such a system of home instruction?

These are only hints of the almost infinite possibilities of good which lie in the home conversation. That so little is realized in most cases, when so much is possible—is one of the saddest things about our current life. It may be that these suggestions shall stimulate in some families, at least—an earnest search after something better than they have yet found in their desultory and aimless conversational habits. Surely there should be no home in which, amid all the light talk that flies from busy tongues, time is not found every day in which to say at least one word that shall be instructive, suggestive, elevating, or at least, in some way, helpful.

Calvin on submission

2010-09-24T20:13:00.001-04:00

Here is an excerpt from Calvin's Commentaries on Ephesians 5

Verse 22 - Wives submit your selves. He comes now to the various conditions of life; for, besides the universal bond of subjection, some are more closely bound to each other, according to their respective callings. The community at large is divided, as it were, into so many yokes, out of which arises mutual obligation. There is, first, the yoke of marriage between husband and wife; - secondly, the yoke which binds parents and children; - and, thirdly, the yoke which connects masters and servants. By this arrangement there are six different classes, for each of whom Paul lays down peculiar duties. He begins with wives, whom he enjoins to be subject to their husbands, in the same manner as to Christ, - as to the Lord. Not that the authority is equal, but wives cannot obey Christ without yielding obedience to their husbands.

Verse 23 - For the husband is the head of the wife. This is the reason assigned why wives should be obedient. Christ has appointed the same relation to exist between a husband and a wife, as between himself and his church. This comparison ought to produce a stronger impression on their minds, than the mere declaration that such is the appointment of God. Two things are here stated. God has given to the husband authority over the wife; and a resemblance of this authority is found in Christ, who is the head of the church, as the husband is of the wife.

And he is the saviour of the body. The pronoun HE is supposed by some to refer to Christ; and, by others, to the husband. It applies more naturally, in my opinion, to Christ, but still with a view to the present subject. In this point, as well as in others, the resemblance ought to hold. As Christ rules over his church for her salvation, so nothing yields more advantage or comfort to the wife than to be subject to her husband. To refuse that subjection, by means of which they might be saved, is to choose destruction.

Verse 24 - But, as the church is subject to Christ. The particle but, may lead some to believe that the words, he is the saviour of the body, are intended to anticipate an objection. Christ has, no doubt, this peculiar claim, that he is the Saviour of the Church: nevertheless, let wives know, that their husbands, though they cannot produce equal claims, have authority over them, after the example of Christ. I prefer the former interpretation; for the argument derived from the word but, does not appear to me to have much weight.

Directives for avoiding dissension in the home

2010-09-12T09:45:00.000-04:00

By Richard Baxter

It is a great duty of husbands and wives to live in quietness and peace, and avoid all occasions of wrath and discord. Because this is a duty of so great importance, I shall first open to you the great NECESSITY of it, and then give you more particular directions to perform it.

(1) Your discord will be your pain, and the vexation of our lives. Like a disease, or wound, or fracture in your own bodies, which will pain you until it is cured; you will hardly keep peace in your minds, when peace is broken so near you in your family. As you would take heed of hurting yourselves, and as you would hasten the cure when you are hurt; so should you take heed of any breach of peace, and quickly seek to heal it when it is broken.

(2) Dissension tends to cool your love; frequent dissension tends to leave a habit of distaste and averseness on the mind. Wounding is separating; and to be tied together by any outward bonds, when your hearts are separated, is but to be tormented; and to have the insides of adversaries, while you have marital outsides. As the difference between my 'home' and my 'prison' is that I willingly and with delight dwell in the one, but am unwillingly confined to the other; such will be the difference between a quiet and an unquiet life, in your married state; it turns your dwelling and delight into a prison, where you are chained to those calamities, which in a free condition you might flee.

(3) Dissension between the husband and the wife, disorders all other family affairs. They are like oxen unequally yoked--which can perform no work, because they are always striving with one another.

(4) It exceedingly unfits you for the worship of God; you are not fit to pray together, nor to confer together of heavenly things, nor to be helpers to each other's souls. I need not tell you this, you feel it by experience. Wrath and bitterness will not allow you so much exercise of love and holy composedness of mind, as every one of those duties requires.

(5) Dissension disables you to govern your families aright. Your children will take example by you; or think they are at liberty to do what they desire, when they find you taken up with such animosity between yourselves. They will think you unfit to reprove them for their faults--when they see you guilty of such faults and folly of your own. Nay, you will become the shame and secret derision of your children, and bring yourselves into contempt.

(6) Your dissensions will expose you to the malice of Satan, and give him advantage for manifold temptations. A house divided cannot stand; an army divided is easily conquered, and made a prey to the enemy. You cannot foresee what abundance of sin you put yourselves in danger of.

By all these reasons, you may see what dissensions between husband and wife do tend to.

DIRECTIVES for avoiding dissension in the home

(1) Keep up your marital love in a constant heat and vigor. Love will suppress wrath. You cannot become bitter upon small provocations, against those whom you dearly love; much less can you proceed to reviling words, or to averseness and estrangedness, or any abuse of one another. Or if a breach and wound be unhappily made, the balsamic quality of love will heal it. But when love once cools, small matters exasperate and breed antipathy.

(2) Both husband and wife must mortify their pride and passion, which are the causes of impatience; and must pray and labor for a humble, meek, and quiet spirit. A proud heart is troubled and provoked by every word or action that seems to tend to their undervaluing. A peevish, proud mind is like a sore and ulcerated member--which will be pained if it be touched. He that must live near such a sore, diseased, impatient, proud mind--must live even as the nurse does with the child, that makes it her business to rock it, and lull, and sing it quiet when it cries; for to be angry with it, will do no good. And if you have married one of such a sick or childish temper, you must resolve to bear and use them accordingly. But no Christian should bear with such a malady in themselves; nor be patient with such impatience, pride and haughtiness in themselves. Once get the victory over yourselves, and the cure of your own impatience, and you will easily keep peace with one another.

(3) Agree together beforehand, that when one is in a tempestuous, angry fit, the other shall silently and gently bear it--until it be past and you have come to your senses again. Do not both be angry at the same time. When the fire is kindled, quench it with gentle words and demeanor, and do not cast on more fuel, by answering provokingly and sharply, or by multiplying words, and by answering wrath with wrath.

(4) If you cannot quickly quench the anger in your heart--yet at least refrain your tongues! Speak no reproachful or provoking words. Talking hotly and angrily does blow the fire, and increase the flame. Be but silent, and you will the sooner return to your serenity and peace. Foul words tend to more displeasure. As Socrates said when his wife first railed at him, and next threw a vessel of foul water upon him, "I thought when I heard the thunder, there would come rain"; so you may foretell worse following, when foul, unseeming words begin. If you cannot easily allay your wrath, you may hold your tongues, if you are truly willing.

(5) Let the sober party condescend to speak gently and to entreat the other. Say to your angry wife or husband, 'You know this should not be between us; love must allay it, and it must be repented of. God does not approve it, and we shall not approve it when this heated argument is over. This frame of mind is contrary to a praying frame, and this language contrary to a praying language; we must pray together soon; let us do nothing contrary to prayer now. Sweet water and bitter come not from one spring,' etc. Some calm and humble words of reason, may stop the torrent, and revive the reason which passion had overcome.

(6) Confess your fault to one another, when angry passion has prevailed against you; and ask forgiveness of each other, and join in prayer to God for pardon. This will lay a greater engagement on you the next time, to refrain from argument. You will surely be ashamed to do that which you have so confessed and asked forgiveness for--of God and each other.

If you will but practice these directives, your family peace may be preserved.

What's on the inside?

2010-08-29T00:28:00.000-04:00

"Many persons think a great deal about the adorning of the body, but do not think anything about the ornaments of the soul. The feeding of the physical frame engrosses much care, but the supply of spiritual food is often neglected. Yet, O man, thou thyself art better than thy body! Thine immortal soul is worth far more than that poor carcase of thine which will soon become food for worms; and all the things that thou hast, what are they compared with thine inner self,—thy real self,—thy heart, thy soul, thy spirit?"

"True religion is heart-work. We may wash the outside of the cup and the platter as long as we please, but if the inward parts be filthy, we are filthy altogether in the sight of God, for our hearts are more truly ourselves than our hands are; the very life of our being lies in the inner nature, and hence the imperative need of purity within."

- Charles Spurgeon

Simply Vintagegirl Giveaway!

2010-08-24T15:32:00.000-04:00

Simply Vintagegirl is having a great giveaway this week for a set of their paper dolls and also for their new project which is coming out soon. Only thing is, it's a secret! I can't wait to find out what is in the works! So if you want to enter the giveaway, head on over there right now before the deadline on Friday, August 27th!

Where is the dignity?

2010-08-16T15:16:00.001-04:00

I was perusing Facebook the other day and one of my face book "friends" had posted a homebirth video. Now before you read any further, let me explain first and foremost that this is not a rant against homebirth. I gave birth to 6 of my 8 babies at home and I wouldn’t trade the experience for anything. Birth is a natural and wonderful thing, it is a miraculous event, and the little bundle of life that is brought forth is even more miraculous! It is a testament to God’s wondrous creation, that He stated in Genesis was very good. Each and everyone of us is fearfully and wonderfully made by the hand of an Awesome Creator!

Unfortunately though, in our effort to promote life, which I am unashamedly for, we demote ourselves to nothing more than cattle. We must stand against the evils of murder (abortion), but must we break down the walls of decency and dignity to do so? The celebration of life should be about a new baby born into this world, not the video of a naked woman on all fours pushing the baby out for all the world to see. I am still in disbelief that Christians would post this stuff! Just because it is a miraculous event doesn’t mean it is to be viewed by anyone and everyone. The making of a life is a miraculous event too, but, yeah, you get the picture. Is that what is going to be posted next? “Here is the video of when baby Joe was conceived.” Come on people, I believe we are called to holiness and righteousness, not whatever vulgar antics we can come up with to promote our beliefs.

It is very important that we promote what is right, but that we also promote it in the right way. We cannot throw our dignity in the streets just to get a point across. God’s Word should be our standard for everything we do, not just some things, but EVERYTHING. We are not going to gain any ground if we continue to foolishly promote what is right, by promoting what is wrong as well. It must all be right, or it will all be for naught.

How to raise a delinquent child in 12 easy steps

2010-08-12T00:06:00.000-04:00

Sounds like we have quite a few of these *delinquents* running around in our society today....

1. Begin at infancy to give the child everything he wants. In this way, he will grow up to believe the world owes him a living.

2. When he picks up bad language, laugh at him. This will make him think he's cute.

3. Never give him any spiritual training. Wait until he is twenty-one, and then let him "decide for himself".

4. Avoid using the word "wrong". It may develop a guilt feeling. This will condition him to believe later, when he is arrested for stealing a car, that society is against him and he is being persecuted.

5. Pick up everything he leaves lying around: books, shoes, clothes. Do everything for him so that he will be experienced in throwing all responsibility on others.

6. Let him read any printed matter he can get his hands on. Be careful that the silverware and drinking glasses are sterilized—but let his mind feast on garbage.

7. Quarrel frequently in the presence of your child. In this way they will not be too shocked when the home is broken up later.

8. Give a child all the spending money he wants. Never let him earn his own. Why should he have things as tough as you had them?

9. Satisfy every craving for food, drink, and comfort. See that every sensual desire is gratified. Denial may lead to harmful frustration.

10. Take your child's part against neighbors, teachers, and policemen. They are prejudiced against your child.

11. When he gets into real trouble, apologize for yourself by saying, "I never could do anything with him!"

12. Prepare for a life of grief. You will be likely to have it.

A Godly Mother

2010-08-05T13:18:00.000-04:00

An excerpt from THE CHRISTIAN MOTHER by John Abbott, 1833

The history of John Newton is often mentioned as a proof of the deep and lasting impression which a mother may produce upon the mind of her child. He had a pious mother. She often retired to her closet, and placing her hand upon his youthful head, implored God's blessing upon her boy. These prayers and instructions sunk deep into his heart. He could not but revere that mother. He could not but feel that there was a holiness in such a character, demanding reverence and love. He could not tear from his heart, in after life, the impressions then produced. Though he became a wicked wanderer, though he forsook friends and home, and every virtue; the remembrance of a mother's prayers, like a guardian angel, followed him wherever he went. He mingled in the most evil and disgraceful scenes of a sailor's life, and while surrounded with guilty associates, in midnight revelry, he would fancy he felt the soft hand of his mother upon his head, pleading with God to forgive and bless her boy. He went to the coast of Africa, and became even more degraded than the savages upon her dreary shores. But the soft hand of his mother was still upon his head, and the fervent prayers of his mother still thrilled in his heart. And this influence, after the lapse of many guilty years, brought back the prodigal, a penitent and a child of God; elevated him to be one of the brightest ornaments of the Christian church, and to guide many sons and daughters to glory. What a forcible comment is this upon the power of maternal influence! And what encouragement does this present to every mother to be faithful in her efforts to train up her child for God! Had Mrs. Newton neglected her duty, had she even been as remiss as many Christian mothers, her son, to all human view, might have continued in sin, and been an outcast from heaven. It was through the influence of the mother that the son was saved. Newton became afterward a most successful preacher of the Gospel, and every soul which he was instrumental in saving, as he sings the song of redeeming mercy, will, through eternity, bless God that Newton had such a mother.

Book review: The Heart Mender

2010-08-03T00:23:00.000-04:00

I have just recently been given the chance to review books by Thomas Nelson Publishers. The first book sent to me was The Heart Mender: A Story of Second Chances by Andy Andrews. The writer of the book finds a can filled with German paraphernalia under a tree in his back yard. He then goes on to weave a story of bitterness, love, and forgiveness as he delves into the true story behind it all.

He tells the story of a young woman named Helen Mason who is devastated by the loss of her husband in World War II. Bitter and angry, she detests Nazi Germany. Amidst her bitter anguish, Josef Launderman, Lt. of a German U-boat, washes to shore. He is wounded and bleeding, and his helpless situation prompts Helen to give him refuge, hiding his existence and whereabouts from the rest of the world. She is faced with many concerns, one of which, does this make her a trader to her own country?

If you enjoy World War II history, then I recommend reading The Heart Mender. Not only is it filled with history of the War, but it also brings with it a story that is close to home, a story of love and forgiveness.

I received this book free from Thomas Nelson Publishers as part of their BookSneeze.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255

I am giving away a free copy of this book. To enter just leave a comment. I will leave it open until Friday.

Bikini Bashing...

2010-08-02T17:05:00.012-04:00

I just read a post from the blog Fundamentally Reformed entitled What's Wrong with Bikinis, and I really liked this mans response. He said EVERYTHING'S wrong with bikinis! I agree wholeheartedly! That we even have to have this conversation among Christians is beyond me. With all the information we have at our fingertips, how can a woman be so naive to think that there is nothing wrong with wearing a bikini... or a bathing suit for that matter. God made men to be visually stimulated, THERE.... now you have no excuse! But we still have women today saying things like, "Well, they (men) shouldn't look if it's a problem!" It is plumb moronic! So, it's OKAY for women to parade around in their underwear but NOT okay for a man to look, when it is in his nature to do so? Why can't we as women make it a little easier on them by keeping our bodies covered so that we are not a distraction for them? It was God's plan from the beginning that we not look upon each others nakedness, it is to be reserved for marriage. Now don't get me wrong, just because God made men to be visually stimulated doesn't mean that they are going to stray every time a woman is immodestly dressed. It takes Godly men of character and fortitude who rely fully on God's grace and strength each and every day to be the men God would have them be. But come on women, give them a break! Let's do our part by dressing modestly. It is found in the Bible, you know! And if we are not dressing modestly, then we are clearly transgressing God's Law, or to put it bluntly, SINNING!

Is your hat on straight?

2010-07-19T12:18:00.001-04:00

Some of us wear many different hats... wife, mother, sister, daughter, pastor's wife, friend, neighbor, teacher; and it can sometimes feel OVERWHELMING. Are we walking through life just barely surviving, or are we THRIVING? God has called us to this time and place and for HIS purpose so that we might glorify Him and Him Alone. Are we thriving in His purpose or do we long for "greener" pastures? For reasons we may not know, God has placed each of us in our places and positions whether they be grandiose or poorly. We must learn to thank God for the finer things as well as the not so finer. Yes, life is at times mundane, but mundane doesn't mean we give up and think God has forsaken us. He wants our love and devotion even in the minuscule moments of everyday life. Are you up for the task?

The Providential Hand of God

2010-06-26T22:38:00.000-04:00

Words of wisdom from Charles Spurgeon

Little did she know, that amid the sheaves—she would find a husband!

"Ruth left and entered the field to gather grain behind the harvesters. She happened to be in the portion of land belonging to Boaz, who was from Elimelech's family." Ruth 2:3

"She happened." Yes, it seemed nothing but an accident—but how divinely was it overruled! Ruth had gone forth with her mother-in-law's blessing, under the care of her God—to humble but honorable toil; and the providence of God was guiding her every step! Little did she know, that amid the sheaves—she would find a husband; and that he would make her the joint owner of all those broad acres; and that she, a destitute foreigner, would become an ancestor of the great Messiah!

God is very good to those who trust in Him, and often surprises them with unlooked for blessings. Little do we know what may happen to us in the future; but this sweet fact should cheer us—that nothing which is really good for us—shall be withheld from us!

The word "chance" is banished from the Christian's vocabulary—for we see the hand of God in everything. The seemingly trivial events of today or tomorrow, may involve consequences of the highest importance. Take comfort—our Lord deals as graciously with all His servants—as He did with Ruth!

Living modest in an immodest world

2010-06-22T15:53:00.001-04:00

Jesus said in John 14:15, “If ye love me, keep my commandments.” Plain and simple. Yet most people find that they would rather do that which is right in their own eyes. They forsake the commandments given by a Holy God and forsake the fact that He is our Creator and that the creation is SUPPOSED to obey the Creator. But as the Bible says, “there is nothing new under the sun” and this has been going on since the “Garden” days. That is why we need true children of God to take a stand in this wicked, Sodom-like world we live in and follow God’s Word. That is where we will find true peace and happiness. It is not going to be found “camping in the wilderness of Sin.” We need to pack up our bed rolls and get out while we still have a chance. The lives and futures of our posterity are at stake.

Modesty Matters is one group dedicated to preserving our modesty, which is only ONE of the commandments God has set forth for us to follow. We have been so desensitized to nakedness, that most people don’t even know what we are talking about when we discuss modesty. I’m not even referring to “ancient, medieval” modesty, I’m talking about clothing ourselves so that our brother or sister doesn’t have occasion to stumble. We can still dress fashionably AND be modest. So let’s take a stand together for modesty AND for pursuing righteousness and holiness so that we might be light in a world full of darkness.

If you are on Facebook, then click to join Modesty Matters.

God Bless!

An Amazing and All-Powerful God!

2010-06-19T00:07:00.000-04:00

By Grace Brown

We have an Amazing-all-powerful God! His wonderful works never cease to amaze me, in all that he does in my life, or in the things around me. I look out my window and see the amazing handiwork that he has created, I see the joy and love in my family, and my friends. God has blessed me with so much!

He has blessed EVERYONE with so much! But unfortunately, people don't realize it. Instead of giving praise to God for the things that they have, they are complaining, and begging for something new, something different in their lives. They can't be content with what they have!

But we need too! God is so good to his children, but do people praise him for it? In a lot of cases, no! Its very sad. God should get ALL the praise and glory, no matter what the day may bring, no matter what you have. You need to praise God, you need to love him, you need to be content with what you have.

I praise God for his wonderful mercy and love. Without him I could do nothing, and without him I AM nothing! I thank him for this wonderful day he has given me, and for all the days after.

"No matter what the day may bring, always be ready to greet it with a smile."

THAT is my motto. Its a good one to follow, though sometimes very hard to follow, but so very true. We DO need to greet the days with a smile, trusting in God and doing his will throughout the day... no matter what the day may bring.

Thank you Lord for your wondrous works, for your many blessings, for this wonderful day!

"O give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; for his mercy endureth forever." Psalm 107:1

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Grace is the second oldest daughter of James and Sonya Brown, and sister to 7. She likes to take care of her baby sister, read, cook, play mandolin, blog... just to name a few. You can read more about her on her blog, Graceful Maiden.

Remaining Content in the Home

2010-06-17T21:19:00.004-04:00

By Rachel Brown

I love working in the kitchen. The joy of cooking, the delicious aromas, and the fun of working alongside Mama and my sisters. Some of my fondest memories will be the laughter and jokes shared during good times in the kitchen. Then there is also the fact of the whole family gathering together around the dinner table after our thirty to forty minutes of sweat-work over the stove. The happy times families can have together! A family either pulls together through the good and bad times, or it will fall apart. We see it across America today. But that is another topic entirely...

How easy it is to remain content as a daughter in the home while the way is easy! But then how hard it is to remain content in the home when the way becomes difficult! Most people want to give in when things begin to look bleak and dreary. Just like defeatism, this is a tragedy. Defeatism can make young women look longingly at the world's independence. "If only..." runs through our minds. But no, we shouldn't be thinking in "if only." It will just get us into trouble.

Striving with contentment while the heart longs for "independence" (so-called) is practically impossible. We can never be content until we root out of our hearts the longing and rebellion that remains. Once it is removed, then we can begin practicing our contentment and patience.

Here I am, fifteen years old (although so close to sixteen I can begin to say "almost"), and I'm talking about remaining content while still at home? You've got to be kidding! Most stay-at-home daughters who might be getting impatient are in their twenties...so why me?

Let me share a secret with you about a young woman's heart: she longs desperately for the day when she will have that love and a home of her own. A young woman dreams of the day that she will fall in love with the man who will remain hers forever. However, is our desperate longing so desperate that discontentment will overtake our hearts? Are we so desperate that all we ever think about is "love"? Are we so desperate that we are constantly looking for "love" in all the wrong places, and at the wrong times? Are we so desperate that any interest a young man displays (even the friendship type) sets our hearts to fluttering with giddiness and romance? Are we also so desperate that we eat up romance novel after romance novel? I'd say we're pretty desperate.

Romance novels. A treacherous enemy. In today's distorted world, we also have a distorted view about true love. Fairytale romances certainly don't help. Young girls nowadays are lost in an imaginary world of young men and women falling head-over-heels in love, and living happily ever after with the perfect marriage after a beautiful whirlwind courtship. That isn't reality.

I admit: I've read plenty of romance novels in my day. In fact, I have a bag of them in my closet. I'll confess to an eager hunger to get my hands on those books, but what does it profit me? A distorted view of love? I don't need any more of that. All that arises is discontentment with my position in life. Even Christian romance is pretty twisted. (Can't we trust anything anymore?) Most romance novels just feed our discontentment.

I thought I'd make a small point here: Jane Austin is one of my favorite authors. Yes, I love her work, and yes, her books are Victorian novels of love, romance, strength, honor, integrity, and showing how to overcome difficulties in the world. (my version of an example, not that of another.) Am I going to throw the book out the window? No, but I'm not going to read them everyday...nor ever week...nor every month...

There is nothing wrong with reading a good fiction book once in a while, but not going overboard. I don't want to become "hooked" again. (So no, I'm not giving up Mr. Darcy for good.)

I'm apt to make a fool of myself more times than not. Talking over internet, or worse, talking in person, I always seem awkward and dumbly ignorant and unintelligent. I've often sat staring around the room just because I can't think of anything to say. (Like I've said before, my mind flows more clearly on paper than with my mouth.) Or, I decide to take a stab in the dark, but blurt out something utterly incomprehensible. Talk about remaining cosmopolitan. My mind becomes immobile, or so it seems. Most people don't know that 99.9 % of the things I'd really like to say are jumbled up inside of me. Is it embarrassment? Shyness? Pride? Fright? Afraid of ridicule? Perhaps all five? Maybe. But what does this have to do with remaining content in the home?

Just as I remain unsatisfied with my lack of conversing skills, so it is with discontentment, in anything. The more I remain afraid, the more I sink into my little turtle shell, daring not ever! to come out into the sunlight. My incompetency becomes deeper and deeper, and I grow weaker and weaker. My discontentment grows, and I'll never rise to the occasion to deal with the situation.

Our problems have the same solution: shake off the shackles of discontentment and begin to live vivaciously with joy in our hearts. Being shackled to the ground only hinders us from flying.

The next time discontentment rises in your heart, take special effort to remain loyal and kind. Our families need us. Do we really want to desert them to sow a few "wild oats"? Those "wild oats" of independence only result in ruin. Look at young women today. Going off to college for four years after completing government school institutions. Many lose more than just freedom. Many give of themselves freely. Many lose their virginity and purity. Many go into careers that take over their whole lives, never enjoying the blessings of Daughterhood or Motherhood. Do we want to give up our freedom for those shackles? For we daughter are the ones with true freedom. True freedom is taking responsibility and acting mature. True freedom is obeying what God has commanded. What the world has may look like fun, but it is only "enjoyable" for a season. (Hebrews 11:25) Whatsoever we sow, that shall we also reap. (Galatians 6:7)

Our twisted view of love will only set us off looking for that "perfect man" who will one day fulfill our every desire. Isn't that ironic? We know down deep there isn't any such man, yet we're willing to search high and low for him endlessly. We also know that we ourselves are far from perfect; how then can we think that a "perfect man" would marry an imperfect woman? Utterly illogical.

I say we totally remove so-called "love" out of our minds. After all, true love will one day be brought to us, if it is God's will, and in His timing. Why do we want to be bogged down in the despair of discontentment and unsatisfaction? We women are at our best when happy and ready to serve, not waiting for Prince Charming to ride along. So put a smile on your face. Grin at your reflection in the mirror if need be to boost your morale. Give your sisters a kiss and your brothers a hug. Share some laughter in the kitchen with your mother. Show your support to your father by meaningful gestures. Show your love. Show your care. Show your willingness to be a servant. (Mark 10:31,44; Luke 22:24-27)

Much better results will result from a proper attitude. And you know what? God will one day reward our patience and fortitude. Whether it is His will for you and I to marry or not, our perseverance will bear forth fruit. (Galatians 6:9)

Live every day as it were your last, for all too soon this life will be past. Kiss all your loved ones with tenderness and care, and show the whole world Christ's love which we should share. Make the most of your time with well-worth fruit, only what's done for Christ will one day take root.

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Rachel is the oldest daughter of James and Sonya Brown, and sister to 7. She likes to sew, knit, read, cook, play violin, blog... just to name a few. You can read more about her on her blog, Covenant Maiden.

A letter from a father to his daughter

2010-06-12T19:11:00.003-04:00

15 Marriage Admonitions

By Legh Richmond

Prior to his daughter's marriage, Mr. Richmond put into her hands a paper of directions for her future conduct, which, for simplicity, affection, and sound practical wisdom—may be considered one of the best dowries that a Christian parent could bestow on his child.

My much-loved daughter,

When your sister Mary left her paternal roof, I gave her a paper of admonitions, which I requested her to read often. I do the same for you, in the form of a friendly string of maxims, to regulate your conduct in your new and very responsible situation.

1. Aim at keeping a devoted heart for God in the least and most common transactions of every hour—as well as in those events which may seem to call the loudest for manifestations of Christian prudence and principle.

2. Pray regularly and frequently, not seldom and occasionally—for grace to live by.

3. Remember the Christian principles and examples of your father's house, and everywhere endeavor to preserve its character, by consistency in conduct, conversation, and temper. Keep in constant recollection—the wise, prudent, and conscientious example of your dear mother.

4. Form no hasty friendship; and none whatever, but such as may promote seriousness of heart, tongue and life.

5. Beware of cheerfulness degenerating into levity. Let no natural vivacity of temper, no occasionally indulged sallies of humor and jocularity—throw a shadow over the exercise of solid principle. Little foolish things give a color to character, and are more easily imitated, than serious and good sentiments.

6. Guard against hasty judgments of character, and above all against uttering hasty opinions, and making remarks to the disparagement of others. Particularly avoid making the errors, failings, faults, or follies of others—the subject of rash and unguarded remarks. Be known for charity, forbearance, and kindness. Be slow to judge—rather than swift to speak.

7. Wherever you are, in the first place, remember that God's eye is upon you; and then imagine also that your husband and father are present. It may be a fanciful—but it is a profitable supposition.

8. Keep Christ's golden rule, "Do unto to others—as you would have them do unto you" in perpetual remembrance. It is the panacea for most of the social evils of life.

9. Be conscientious towards all; friendly with few; confidential with fewer still; strictly intimate with fewest of all.

10. When you think of your father, bear with his infirmities and pardon his faults—but remember his principles and instructions, so far as they have been agreeable to the Word of God.

11. Do not be content with anything short of deep, sincere, diligent, and decided piety.

12. If you and your husband happen to differ in opinion or feeling on any point—remember whom you have promised to love, honor, and obey—and this will settle all things.

13. Of your husband's warm affections towards you, I entertain no doubt—strive to preserve them by daily elevation of character; and not so much by fondness—as by prudence and dignity. May you both learn to raise a home of marital happiness—by mutual wisdom and love.

14. Observe great simplicity and plainness in dress. You should be a pattern to others in this respect. There is a just complaint made of many females who profess to be pious—that they are far too showy and mirthful in their outward apparel. Remember the apostle Peter's injunction, "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight."

15. Christ has been made known to you fully and freely; let Christ be your all in all, both now and forever.

Receive my parting advice in love, and be assured, my beloved child, that it comes from the affectionate heart of your dear father.

The Mother's Authority

2010-06-07T16:51:00.001-04:00

Excerpt taken from The Christian Mother

By John Abbott - 1833

OBEDIENCE is absolutely essential to proper family government. Without this, all other efforts will be in vain. You may pray with, and for your children; you may strive to instruct them in religious truth; you may be unwearied in your efforts to make them happy, and to gain their affection. But if they are in habits of disobedience, your instructions will be lost, and your toil in vain. And by obedience, I do not mean languid and dilatory yielding to repeated threats—but prompt and cheerful acquiescence in parental commands. Neither is it enough that a child should yield to your arguments and persuasions. It is essential that he should submit to your authority.

It is certainly the duty of parents to convince their children of the reasonableness and propriety of their requirements. This should be done to instruct them, and to make them acquainted with moral obligation. But there should always be authority sufficient to enforce prompt obedience, whether the child can see the reason of the requirement or not. Indeed, it is impossible to govern a child by mere argument. Many cases must occur, in which it will be incapable of seeing the reasonableness of the command; and often its wishes will be so strongly opposed to duty, that all the efforts to convince will be in vain.

The first thing therefore to be aimed at, is to bring your child under total subjection. Teach him that he must obey you. Sometimes give him your reasons; again withhold them. But let him perfectly understand that he is to do as he is bid. Accustom him to immediate and cheerful acquiescence in your will. This is obedience. And this is absolutely essential to good family government. Without this, your family will present one continued scene of noise and confusion; the toil of rearing up your children will be almost intolerable, and, in all probability, your heart will be broken by their future licentiousness or ingratitude.

We come now to the inquiry, HOW is this habit of obedience to be established? This is not so difficult a matter as many imagine. It does not require profound learning, or a mysterious skill, which pertains but to the few. Where do you find the best regulated families? Are they in the houses of the rich? Do the children of our most eminent men furnish the best patterns for imitation? Obviously not. In some of the most humble dwellings we find the beautiful spectacle of an orderly and well regulated family. On the other hand, in the mansions of the wealthiest or most eminent men of our country, we may often find a family of rude girls and ungovernable boys—a picture of wild misrule. It is not greatness of talent, or profound learning, which is requisite to teach a child obedience. The principles by which we are to be guided are very simple and very plain.

Never give a command which you do not intend shall be obeyed!

There is no more effectual way of teaching a child disobedience, than by giving commands which you have no intention of enforcing. A child is thus habituated to disregard its mother; and in a short time the habit becomes so strong, and the child's contempt for the mother so confirmed, that entreaties and threats are alike unheeded.....

Let it be an immutable principle in family government, that your word is law!

I was once, when riding in the country, overtaken by a rain shower, and compelled to seek shelter in a farm house. Half a dozen rude and ungovernable boys were racing about the room, in such an uproar as to prevent the possibility of conversation with the father, who was sitting by the fire. As I, however, endeavored to make some remark, the father shouted out, "Stop that noise, boys."
They paid no more heed to him than they did to the rain. Soon again, in an irritated voice, he exclaimed, "Boys, be still, or I will whip you; as sure as you are alive I will." But the boys, as though accustomed to such threats, screamed and quarreled without intermission.

At last the father said to me, "I believe I have got the worst boys in town; I never can make them mind me."

The fact was, these boys had the worst father in town! He was teaching them disobedience as directly and efficiently as he could. He was giving commands which he had no intention of enforcing—and they knew it! This, to be sure, is an extreme case. But just so far as any mother allows her authority to be disregarded, so far does she expose herself to the contempt of her children—and actually teaches them lessons of disobedience.

I know that some mothers say that they have not time to pay so much attention to their children. But the fact is, that not one-third of the time is required to take care of an orderly family, which is necessary to take care of a disorderly one. To be faithful in the government of your family, is the only way to save time. Can you afford to be distracted and harassed by continued disobedience? Can you spare the time to have your attention called away, every moment, from the business in which you are engaged, by the mischievousness of your willful children?

The Hard Truth

2010-06-03T11:55:00.002-04:00

This is a post my husband wrote 2 ½ years ago The Hard Truth

Post taken from Covenant Blessings

After 15 years of marriage it doesn’t seem like we have scratched the surface in learning about marriage. During most of those years, our education on the subject came mostly from experience, trial and error, and watching others. During the last year Sonya and I have been reading a lot on the subject and discussing the subject together. It’s amazing how much one does not know even after 14 years.

I have learned more in the last year than the first 14 combined. It’s kind of sad really. The church is lacking so much in the area of discipleship and many Christians are suffering for it. What’s even more startling is that we were not on the lower end of the scale.

Most other Christian couples, and even those in ministry, are worse off than we were. This is by no means to say that we have arrived. It’s a humbling experience when a little knowledge only shows how ignorant you are.

Yet, in our self-assessment, we dishonestly tell everyone how great our marriages are. This is not the present reality in most Christian marriages. We have settled for “staying together” as the definition of a great marriage. I believe God had more than this in mind when He instituted marriage.

In studying marriage, I have been struck with the high standards we men are called to in the Word of God. Just think about what Paul commanded husbands to be when he wrote:

“Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.” Ephesians 5:25-31 (KJV)

We men like to emphasize and linger on verse 24 in this same chapter, along with similar verses, but I think we would do our marriage greater good if we would jump into Ephesians 5:25-31 and discover what it truly means to be a loving leader of the helpers God has given us for our completion. If we had more men fulfilling this passage written to husbands we wouldn’t have to reiterate verse 24 like a broken record.

I am by no means saying that the relationship depends all on the man. Many people like to focus on one extreme or the other. Some put all the emphasis, or blame, on the man or the woman. Truth is, it takes both the man and the woman desiring to glorify God to make a successful marriage.

However, many times, especially in fundamentalist circles, the man gets a free ride to fail in what God has called us to be while the woman receives all the condemnation for being married to a Satian (Satan-like) husband rather than a Christian (Christ-like) husband.

Men, think about it. Are we attempting to lovingly lead our wives as Christ would lead the church? Or, are we burdening our wives like Satan does the world?

~James

*We have now been married for over 17 years, and I am so thankful for the Godly influence my husband has been to me. He is my Hero and my very best friend. ♥

We are more than conquerors

2010-06-02T11:18:00.001-04:00

Charles Spurgeon's Morning Devotion for June 2.

"For the flesh lusteth against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh.". - Galatians 5:17

In every believer's heart there is a constant struggle between the old nature and the new. The old nature is very active, and loses no opportunity of plying all the weapons of its deadly armoury against newborn grace; while on the other hand, the new nature is ever on the watch to resist and destroy its enemy. Grace within us will employ prayer, and faith, and hope, and love, to cast out the evil; it takes unto it the "whole armour of God," and wrestles earnestly. These two opposing natures will never cease to struggle so long as we are in this world.

The battle of "Christian" with "Apollyon" lasted three hours, but the battle of Christian with himself lasted all the way from the Wicket Gate in the river Jordan. The enemy is so securely entrenched within us that he can never be driven out while we are in this body: but although we are closely beset, and often in sore conflict, we have an Almighty helper, even Jesus, the Captain of our salvation, who is ever with us, and who assures us that we shall eventually come off more than conquerors through Him. With such assistance the new-born nature is more than a match for its foes.

Are you fighting with the adversary to-day? Are Satan, the world, and the flesh, all against you? Be not discouraged nor dismayed. Fight on! For God Himself is with you; Jehovah Nissi is your banner, and Jehovah Rophi is the healer of your wounds. Fear not, you shall overcome, for who can defeat Omnipotence? Fight on, "looking unto Jesus"; and though long and stern be the conflict, sweet will be the victory, and glorious the promised reward.

"From strength to strength go on;

Wrestle, and fight, and pray,

Tread all the powers of darkness down,

And win the well-fought day."

The Love of Dress

2010-06-01T21:22:00.000-04:00

Excerpt from The Family at Home

By Gorham D. Abbott, 1833

To many young women, the love of dress is a great snare; it leads them into a series of mistakes from beginning to end. In the first place, they mistake by thinking that fine clothes sets off their appearance to advantage; whereas all people of taste acknowledge that real beauty does not need the aid of fine clothing, and that ugliness is only displayed and rendered more conspicuous by it.

Next, they imagine that fine clothes give them the appearance of belonging to a higher class of society, and prove their introduction to it. No such thing. The virtuous woman is revealed in her education, speech, and manners, which are not so easily imitated; and is more frequently distinguished by plainness of dress than by expensive clothing—which generally bears the stamp of vulgarity.

Another mistake is, they imagine that fine clothes will recommend them to the notice of young men, and lead to an advantageous marriage. This is a very unlikely thing! There are many young men who will admire such a girl as they would a peacock, and play with her as with a doll; but no sensible, godly young man would ever think of making her his wife! "No, no," says he; "give me a wife who does not carry her chief beauty outside, and all her wealth on her back! I must see the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is of great price; and the treasures of understanding and discretion, and the fear of God, which are more precious than rubies, and more rare than diamonds!"

Another mistake of dressy girls is, that they imagine that foolish fellows, who flatter them about their beauty and fine appearance are really sincere, and mean what they say; while the truth is, that they in heart despise and ridicule them; or, if they feel any of the fondness they profess, it is but a base, selfish passion, to which they will not hesitate to sacrifice their pretty, garnished victim.

Alas! by these mistakes thousands are every year brought to ruin and disgrace! She who thoughtlessly begins with the first and simplest of these mistakes, is in danger of proceeding to the last and grossest mistakes!

It was a judicious resolution of a father, as well as a most pleasing compliment to his wife, when, on being asked by a friend what he intended to do with his girls, he replied, "I intend to apprentice them to their mother, that they may learn the art of improving time, and be fitted to become like her—wives, mothers, heads of families, and useful members of society." Equally just, but bitterly painful, was the remark of the unhappy husband of a vain, thoughtless, dressy slattern—"It is hard to say it, but if my girls are to have a chance of growing up to be good for anything—they must be sent out of the way of their mother's example!"

Every baby starts life as a savage...

2010-05-31T21:57:00.001-04:00

"Every baby starts life as a little savage. He is completely selfish and self-centered: he wants what he wants—his bottle, his mother's attention, his playmate's toys, his uncle's watch, or whatever. Deny him these and he seethes with rage and aggressiveness which would be murderous were he not so helpless. He is dirty; he has no morals, no knowledge and no developed skills. This means that all children, not just certain children, but all children are born delinquent. If permitted to continue in their self-centered world of infancy, given free reign to their impulsive actions to satisfy each want—every child would grow up a criminal, a killer, a thief, and a rapist." (Biblical Insights into Child Training by Reb Bradley)

"Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it." - Proverbs 22:6

"Remember that children are born with a decided bias toward evil, and therefore if you let them choose for themselves, they are certain to choose wrong. The mother cannot tell what her tender infant may grow up to be—tall or short, weak or strong, wise or foolish—all is uncertain. But one thing the mother can say with certainty—he will have a corrupt and sinful heart! It is natural for us to do wrong. Our hearts are like the earth on which we tread—let it alone, and it is sure to bear weeds!" - J.C. Ryle

"Behold, I was shapen in iniquity; and in sin did my mother conceive me." - Psalm 51:5

The Blessing of Children

2010-05-23T00:46:00.001-04:00

"Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward. As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth. Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate." - Psalm 127:3-5

Excerpt from the Treasury of David
By Charles H. Spurgeon

Verse 3. Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD. This points to another mode of building up a house, namely, by leaving descendants to keep our name and family alive upon the earth. Without this what is a man's purpose in accumulating wealth! To what purpose does he build a house if he has none in his household to hold the house after him? What boots it that he is the possessor of broad acres if he has no heir? Yet in this matter a main is powerless without the Lord. The great Napoleon, with all his sinful care on this point, could not create a dynasty. Hundreds of wealthy persons would give half their estates if they could hear the cry of a babe born of their own bodies. Children are a heritage which Jehovah himself must give, or a man will die childless, and thus his house will be unbuilt. And the fruit of the womb is his reward, or a reward from God. He gives children, not as a penalty nor as a burden, but as a favour. They are a token for good if men know how to receive them, and educate them. They are "doubtful blessings" only because we are doubtful persons. Where society is rightly ordered children are regarded, not as an incumbrance, but as an inheritance; and they are received, not with regret, but as a reward. If we are over crowded in England, and so seem to be embarrassed with too large an increase, we must remember that the Lord does not order us to remain in this narrow island, but would have us fill those boundless regions which wait for the axe and the plough. Yet even here, with all the straits of limited incomes, our best possessions are our own dear offspring, for whom we bless God every day.

Verse 4. As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth. Children born to men in their early days, by God's blessing become the comfort of their riper years. A man of war is glad of weapons which may fly where he cannot: good sons are their father's arrows speeding to hit the mark which their sires aim at. What wonders a good man can accomplish if he has affectionate children to second his desires, and lend themselves to his designs! To this end we must have our children in hand while they are yet children, or they are never likely to be so when they are grown up; and we must try to point them and straighten them, so as to make arrows of them in their youth, lest they should prove crooked and unserviceable in after life. Let the Lord favour us with loyal, obedient, affectionate offspring, and we shall find in them our best helpers. We shall see them shot forth into life to our comfort and delight, if we take care from the very beginning that they are directed to the right point.

Verse 5. Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them. Those who have no children bewail the fact; those who have few children see them soon gone, and the house is silent, and their life has lost a charm; those who have many gracious children are upon the whole the happiest. Of course a large number of children means a large number of trials; but when these are met by faith in the Lord it also means a mass of love, and a multitude of joys. The writer of this comment gives it as his own observation, that he has seen the most frequent unhappiness in marriages which are unfruitful; that he has himself been most grateful for two of the best of sons; but as they have both grown up, and he has no child at home, he has without a tinge of murmuring, or even wishing that he were otherwise circumstanced, felt that it might have been a blessing to have had a more numerous family: he therefore heartily agrees with the Psalmist's verdict herein expressed. He has known a family in which there were some twelve daughters and three sons, and he never expects to witness upon earth greater domestic felicity than fell to the lot of their parents, who rejoiced in all their children, as the children also rejoiced in their parents and in one another. When sons and daughters are arrows, it is well to have a quizzer full of them; but if they are only sticks, knotty and useless, the fewer of them the better. While those are blessed whose quiver is full, there is no reason to doubt that many are blessed who have no quiver at all; for a quiet life may not need such a warlike weapon. Moreover, a quiver may be small and yet full; and then the blessing is obtained. In any case we may be sure that a man's life consisteth not in the abundance of children that he possesseth.

Worldview Training

2010-05-19T21:57:00.002-04:00

The Bible tells us that we are to train our children up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Therefore, we should ask ourselves: (1) Are we training our children to think like Christians; (2) Are we bringing them up with a correct Biblical Worldview?

I have heard so-called "scholars" say using the Bible to correct our children will only cause more rebellion, especially to God's Word. But let me ask you this, what then is our standard? If we can't use God's Word as our guide then we have nothing. They will not be good on their own. There is NONE righteous and our best attempts are but filthy rags.

We must have a standard by which we follow. Children need to be instructed in what and why they are doing wrong along with the consequences of their actions. The question then becomes what is the foundation of authority for their worldview? If we didn't have God's Word to tell us, “Thou shalt not steal,” how would we know not to steal? You might say, "Well, because it's wrong to take something that doesn't belong to you". How do we know it's wrong? If we go by what we as individuals say is right and wrong, then who's to say what authority we go by? What I say is wrong may not be what someone else says is wrong. Where do we get our Law? Individuals begin doing that which is right in their own eyes, which is nothing more than humanism. This has been individuals and society’s problem since the Garden of Eden.

As a parent, we sometimes feel that the most important aspect in training our children is letting them know they have done wrong and thinking that is the end of it. But just as important, or even more so, is telling them what is right and how to live according to God's Word. If someone needed directions and all we did was tell them they were making all the wrong turns and never told them which roads to take, what would their destination be? God's Word must be our foundation. We must train them from the very beginning to think like a Christian.

What does it mean to think like a Christian? It means to put on the mind of Christ. And the only way we are going to know the mind of Christ is through His Word. We are told in I Corinthians 2:16 that we have the mind of Christ. Simply put, we have the mind of Christ through the written Word of God. It is to be the pattern by which we live our lives and by which our children are taught to live their lives. Deuteronomy 6:7 says, “And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.” This sounds to me like God’s Word is to be of upmost importance in the lives of our families.

Training our children in Godliness takes much work and dedication. There will be times you feel like throwing in the towel and giving up. At those times remember the many promises given to us in God’s Word. The lives of our children are at stake.

“And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.” -Galatians 6:9

“I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.” -Philippians 4:13

“Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it” -Proverbs 22:6

Consistency's the name of the game

2010-05-06T21:48:00.002-04:00

The key ingredient.... it's called Consistency. Ever heard of it? The way most kids act these days, you would think NO one knows what the word means. What does it mean to be consistent? Well, let me tell you. Let's say your little one is pulling your lovely center piece off the coffee table. To be consistent, we need to let them know that "NO" means "NO". If we give up in frustration after a few tries and let them have the piece or just put it up out of their reach, they will never grasp the meaning of "NO" because they think they still have a chance. If we give in just ONE time, they will forever think there is a chance of getting by if we don't let them know that WE are the ones in authority.

It is very critical that we teach them while they are young, because it only gets harder the older they get. You know, kinda like us, we get "set" in our ways. Well, so do they. If you are constantly giving up in exasperation, then they know that YOU are not the boss, THEY are. They know they will eventually get their way if they just wear you down long enough. And yes, it may take longer some times than at other times, but if you are not firm with them then they are the ones who are ultimately in control. Sounds scary, doesn't it? I do have to admit that some kids are more stubborn than others.... we've had our share. And the stubborn ones do make you feel like giving up and giving in, BUT, hang in there, consistency does have its rewards!

It is such a blessing to me when we are out in public and someone says to me, "Your children are SO well behaved!" Just the other day we were at Stone Mountain and we decided to go in the gift shop. And like typical gift shops, it was small and crammed with all sorts of breakables, and of course the typical signs posted everywhere that say, "You break, You pay". (and that's what I tell my kids, 'you break, you pay') Anyway, I gave my kids the quick "don't touch ANYTHING" talk and we went in....me and my husband, and our 8 kiddos. We picked out a mug and plate and made our way to the cash register. When I went to pay, James took some of the kids outside with him, and that sweet elderly lady at the register said to me, "It was such a blessing to have your family in here. Usually when kids come in here I start into worrying about what is going to get broken, but your kids were SO well-behaved! It was like a breath of fresh air!" That just made my day! Now, I don't tell you that because my kids are perfect.....they are far from it! They were born depraved just like the next person. But consistent discipline and training when they were young has been the key to obedience. And just so you know, I'm not implying in any way that there aren't other key factors, THERE ARE. Some of them are MAJOR. In fact, if you don't have the right Biblical Worldview and Jesus Christ isn't Lord of your home, I'm here to tell you.....you are doomed from the start. So if you don't have those two key factors, then you might as well quit reading and wasting your time.

So, you say, when do you start training.....how young IS young? Every child is different so there will be differences in ages, but for ours we have had to start teaching them the word "NO" somewhere between 6 and 8 months. Whoa! But they are still babies!! Yep, and if you don't start when they are still babies, then you will definitely find out what it's like to have a child go through the "terrible 2's" and 3's and 4's.....you catch the drift. We are in the process of teaching Liberty (who is 8 months) the word "No". It has always started with our glasses. Everyone of our babies have went for our glasses. Then it's necklaces and earrings. There will be some that say, "Well, I just don't wear any of that stuff so it won't be a temptation for them." Well, you can't keep temptation from them forever. They will find something to grab. And a little smack on the hand does wonders! Yes, it takes several times...and with some, several more. But IF you are consistent, then they will get the idea that you mean what you say, and they will equate the word "no" with "ouch, that hurt" and they will soon quit when they first hear the word "no".

In the weeks to come, I will talk a little more in depth about different situations and circumstances, methods and madness! So stay tuned. If there is any particular subject you would like to hear about, don't hesitate to leave a comment.

Let me also say, it will not be an overnight process. That is another one of our problems today, wanting things right NOW! It takes work and it takes patience, and it takes a LOT of prayer! And still, things won't be perfect, but it can be a little bit more peaceful than the average Joe's home down the street. And you might even hear someone tell you how well-behaved your kids are.

Exasperation 101

2010-05-01T20:18:00.002-04:00

"The mother cannot tell what her tender infant may grow up to be, tall, short, weak, or strong, wise or foolish: he may be any of these or not, it is all uncertain. But one thing the mother can say with certainty: he will have a corrupt and sinful heart." ~ J.C. Ryle

Are you exasperated with raising your children? Do you wish for peace in your home? In the coming weeks I will be writing and posting other articles on raising and training children. There are many different views, ideas, and opinions on the matter, but what does the Bible say? We have come so far in today's society from what the Bible teaches on this subject that people are left exasperated as to what is the right approach. Are we following Christ's commands or are we looking for a 'quick' fix. We want everything right here and right now, but it takes time, energy, patience, and work to build our homes into what God would have them be. And if HE isn't THE Builder, then it is all in vain. If HE is not our Foundation, then it will fall with the first storm that comes our way.

"Except the LORD build the house, they labour in vain that build it: except the LORD keep the city, the watchman waketh but in vain. It is vain for you to rise up early, to sit up late, to eat the bread of sorrows: for so he giveth his beloved sleep. Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward. As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth. Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate."
~ Psalm 127:1-5

Evenings with Victoria - Session 9

2010-04-27T14:56:00.000-04:00

Evenings with Victoria Botkin - Session 9 - Review

(notes taken by Beth Braun) last session

Let's answer a few questions...

Question: Did you have an end goal for each child for "graduation"?

Answer: We didn’t have graduation or even want our kids to think their education was now complete or their time for learning finished… Learning goes on throughout life. My children became too busy doing other things …real- life, work-related things…to sit at the kitchen table any more, and do book work with me.

My ‘school’ turned into ‘the Father’s school’. When my daughters began writing their book, I saw how internalizing their messages became important… The real “end goal” we had for all of them was to have messages--messages from Scripture–-which they felt the Lord wanted them to be teaching to their generation.

Question: I have a 12 year old daughter and, although I have been training her in the ways of managing a home, I do not feel like I have done so in a manner in which I can assess and quantify her skills. I have not had a plan for this and was wondering how you trained and assessed your daughters. Also, we saw the clip of the ceremony you held for Noah when he turned 13 on the Family Discipleship video series. Did you do something similar for your daughters? Can you describe what you did and the criteria you used to determine when to do it (was it based on age, skill level, etc?)

Answer: All I did to help them was to have my daughters help around the house. Nothing formal, such as ‘testing their skills.’ We didn’t ‘test.’ If something like…the bread turned out like a brick or the laundry didn’t get done right and ended up moldy…then the shortcomings became apparent on their own. It’s thinking like a public school teacher, like the government schools, to think you need to be ‘testing.’ Quantification and assessment are things that happen in government school classrooms. We really don’t need to think in those terms when we educate our children at home.

Also, the other part of the question, I think ‘coming of age’ ceremonies are OK. Just think about the messages and vision to convey and you what to accomplish with it. Remember, you are communicating not only to your daughter but the others invited also.

Question: My mother has a habit of gossiping and spreading unfavorable information about others, especially family members. I am a grown woman, a wife and mother, and yet I feel stuck between showing her respect and honor, and lovingly challenging her when she slips into gossip. It hurts me very much when she speaks ill of one of my siblings, or nieces and nephews. I have the sense that she also gossips to each of them about me. Would it be right from a biblical perspective, for me to speak to my mother about this gossip habit?

Answer: This is a challenging situation but it can be done with respect and honor. Tell your mother these things. Share verses on slander with her, like some I shared last week. It will be awkward and hard, but I can’t make it easier for you, tell you an easy solution—only you know the best way to approach your own mother. It will be difficult, but don’t let that stop you. Pray. Do be sure to communicate to your mother how much you love her and appreciate all she has done for you, all these years, as your mother.
Get your husband’s counsel, as to what he thinks you should do.

Question: We attend a church that consists of many families with many young children. Sunday school starts at 9:30. The morning service is generally over between noon and 12:30 and then we have lunch on the grounds, followed by an afternoon service from 1:30-2:30. My 4 children are 7, 5, 3 and 1… Release of energy for the boys is needed after the services, but then when the boys get together…War starts…Feelings begin to get hurt and unkind things are said. Animosity actually develops and the kids carry this home and complain about how "mean" or "unfair" the other "team" is. We agree with you in theory about our children not needing to play with other children their own age. We have seen the "fool" in practice. All of the children begin following the "lowest common denominator" as far as behavior is concerned. What should we do?

Answer: Here’s what my husband had to say, since this problem is not really in my jurisdiction, which is restricted to Titus 2:3-5. (It’s a church problem for the men to deal with-- pass this on to the other husbands.) First off…it’s the men who need to build the culture of the home, the church and the community. They need to talk about the strategy in the times you are together. How to manage things to be orderly—like intermissions between the meetings, instructions for kids or activities... What are children learning about the tone of the Sabbath day? Is war OK? Is unsupervised play OK? Perhaps the older men could teach them things. The men of the church need to consider what are the right activities for discipling the flock right now with the present needs of the body, and they need to be making continual adjustments to the culture of church activities.

Question: I have a question about something you mentioned a few sessions ago. You said you and your girls taught yourselves how to modulate your voices. How did you do this? I can't seem to find
very much about how to do this, on the internet.

Answer: We didn’t take speech classes or have speech coaches or professional training. We just tried to sound more caring, sensible, considerate, not like snarky valley girls. Reading a lot out loud would help make us listen to our voices, which we wanted to make sound better. We learned through trial and error.

Question: Mine is about whether or not Mom should/might need 'a break.' You mentioned one week that Moms should rest (take a nap) in order to serve more. What about resting from responsibility? Or a mental health break? My mom struggled with depression 30 years ago when she raised her 4 kids and her doctor prescribed one day off a week for her. She put us with a babysitter and took the day to window shop or just be away from responsibility. She and my dad are concerned about me and want to provide money for us to use to pay for a break for me. My husband is fine with using our financial resources for babysitting if we need to, but he's not convinced that we need to. He and I are very familiar with managing my sadness; he's been with me through all of my struggles with depression. I'm not sure what I think. My power verse lately has been Matthew 11:28-30. I'm asking God to show me his yoke, because I so often take on too much. I struggle with cleaning house, meals, laundry - every time I get a handle on things, our family outgrows my skills. When Matthew (the baby) was born, I thought that they only way to make life easier - or possible - was to stop homeschooling or stop having babies. And those are the two things I am convicted to do! And as for having more babies, my parents will certainly be supportive and welcoming to future babies, but my mom has told me that I am busy enough. The thought of getting pregnant is completely overwhelming! We are in the middle of taking two weeks off from school (as you suggested one week) in order to train the children to do more of the household chores. Most of the first week was filled with discipline and then we worked on pots and pans. We have decided to slowly bring school back - we need longer than two weeks to learn our chores. I want life to feel possible…

Answer: You do need to take care of your health so you do have something to give. But listen to your husband the most for advice. I think there should be a way to take care of yourself, as your mother says…without going the babysitter and window shopping route. You know, as a wife and mother, I had struggled with many of the same trials. But I really don’t think that an escape from responsibility is a Biblical answer.

You feel like you are taking on too much? Why don’t you try eliminating some of those things you have taken on that you called “too much”, that make you feel overwhelmed, like birthday shopping or wedding showers. Think, are these extra things I’m doing really essential? Psalm 34:14 “Depart from evil, and do good; seek peace, and pursue it.” Much of the hurry and scurry, hustle and bustle of 21st century life can be eliminated for our life. Streamline things for yourself like I said before. I think it would be wiser to hire someone to come in and help you with the housekeeping, than to hire a babysitter and leave the children.

Psa 63:5-8 “My soul will be satisfied as with fat and rich food, and my mouth will praise you with joyful lips, when I remember you upon my bed, and meditate on you in the watches of the night; for you have been my help, and in the shadow of your wings I will sing for joy. My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me.” Meditate on the Word—This would renew you more than window shopping.

Prov 29:17 “Discipline your son, and he will give you rest; he will give delight to your heart.” My husband used to remind me of this verse. If the kids were not delighting me, well, I wasn’t disciplining them…which was true. Something I would teach my kids to have was some ‘library time’. Library time meant everyone sitting still, looking at books…no talking…no horseplay. It does take a time investment, but it’s worth it. Some train babies with ‘blanket time’, too. I’m not saying that you can never be away from your children, but they are so valuable, and such a sacred responsibility--given to you by God--that it seems like spending time away from them should be your last resort.

Let me tell you about a friend whose husband died while she was pregnant with their 5th child. Did she feel overwhelmed! Her doctor father put her on tranquilizers, then she needed ‘treatment’ for depression. Her situation was very, very hard, but when Jerry was born, it got worse...but then… She felt really bad that not only did her children not have a daddy…it was almost like they didn’t have a mommy either. And she knew this was not right. So one day, she just decided that she had to stop being depressed…she willfully CHOSE to be happy by… First, she dropped the anti-depressant drugs. She just started looking for things to thank the Lord for and she decided to obey the commands to rejoice, even though she didn’t feel happy, and she made herself smile. She told me that when she determined in her heart to be glad in the Lord, and be thankful…and started working at it, it was like that broke the cycle of her being continually down and depressed, and she really did start to come out of it. Yes, this is a “non-medical opinion”, but it was her real experience! Thinking on things true and honest and just and pure and lovely and of good report (Phil 4:8) helped. Thinking like it says in this verse-- Rom 8:6 “The mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace.” Set your mind on Him, His faith, kindness, mercy, etc.—it brings life and peace! So, believing God, and obeying his commands to rejoice and give thanks, even though she didn’t feel like it, broke the cycle of her depression and cured her of her depression a thing none of the medications or counselors had been able to do!

Let’s go over a summary of the last 8 weeks, the high points:

1). First we saw in Genesis, Eve’s rebellion and what she really was wanting: Gen 3:5 “…when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil." What Eve wanted was the freedom to make her own rules, and not be bound by God’s rules. It’s not like “total rebellion”, turning your back on God and being a Christian…just WE want to be the ones to decide what is
wrong and what is right…and what is the right way for Christians to behave…instead of following what God’s Word says. Lots of the questions sent in by you ladies are summed up by this. Just obey God’s rules not make up our own. We need to read and study the Bible to know what God thinks…not the ladies at church or whoever else, and teach our kids the importance of doing the same.

As for the men get to run things, women are relegated to the back seat idea… Men are to be the judges in the gates, be in authority. But women in the Bible, beginning with Eve, are seen as VERY influential, from Bible times even to today! Think about Sarahs influence: war to this day between the descendants of Hagar and her son Isaac! Her good idea, well because it didn’t look like the Promise of God would literally happen through her… Bad idea, God didn’t need Sarah's help. And so to this day, Sarahs ‘good idea’… Look at the influence of Delilah…All of Solomon's wives. Jezebel on King Ahab. Women are very influential … with their men…for good or evil. That’s why Scripture was so explicit that God’s people were not to marry foreign wives--for good reason…

2). On a positive note, we have these verses about Sarah. 1 Peter 3:4-6 “let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.” The paradox: Sarah has gone down in history, not only as the woman who brought about a state of almost perpetual warfare in the Middle East, but also as a model to us of a holy woman who hoped in God.

Submission is not a sign of weakness, or spinelessness or doormat-ish-ness. Actually it is a sign of great strength, and submission results in great influence with our husbands. Children are to obey: Col 3:20 “Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.” Submission or subjection is different than obedience. Submission means getting on board with your husband, and cooperating with him in his plan or goal or vision, rather than opposing or fighting him…so you are getting to use your creativity and intelligence! You submit even if you do not want to because it’s the RIGHT thing to do. When you refuse to submit to your husband, it is really God whom you are rebelling against.

3). The difference between apologizing for something and seeking forgiveness: We must know the difference because it’s necessary to maintain loving and close relationships. James 5:16 “Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed.” Admit that you’ve sinned against—ADMIT the wrong, don’t just say “sorry”…which shifts the blame in a way.

A real confession consists of four things:
1. Identifying and stating what you did that was sin, and admitting that it was wrong
2. Saying you are sorry you did it
3. Asking the other party to forgive you
4. Saying you won’t do it again, or that you are trying to overcome this habit, in other words…repenting and making right the wrong, according to Scriptural principles of restitution, if that applies in your situation.

This is such an important verse: Prov 28:13 “Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy.” Model biblical repentance for your kids’ sake! We all sin, stumble, etc., but help them learn not to hide sin but confess and forsake it!

Find the right balance as a Proverbs 31 woman. This is a good principle in Luke 10:41-42 “But the Lord answered her, "Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her." If we mothers spend all of our time cleaning, and organizing and decorating…and none of our time teaching our children to love the lord our God and fear Him, and tremble at His word…we have not chosen the good portion.

Homes shouldn’t be our focus, though they are a base of operations for us, a means to an end but not the end themselves. Managing our households in such a way that we can live on our husband's income (and being thankful and content with it) is one of the most important ways we can help him.

4). Love characterizes us as Christians. John 13:35 “By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another." 1 John 4:8 “Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love.” 1 John 4:20 “If anyone says, "I love God," and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not
seen.”

Take a long, good look to see if we really are Christians or not. 2 Cor 13:5 “Examine yourselves, to see whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves. Or do you not realize this about yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you?--unless indeed you fail to meet the test!” Is your life characterized by love--love of your husband, children, other believers, unbelievers. Are you characterized by love—or enslaved by sin—and I’m not talking about the occasional slip-ups. What I’m saying is that you should examine yourself, if you seem to be unable to love your family, to see whether you are in the faith, like 2 Cor 13:5 says.

Saying the sinner’s prayer, growing up in a Christian home, making an altar call…doesn’t mean you are a Christian. Matt 7:21 "Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven.” A Christian is characterized by a desire to please God. A desire to please God results in a love of the Word of God, obedience to the Word of God, and a love of God’s people.

Now, of course we know that our obedience is not what saves us--Eph 2:8 “For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God…” BUT as a result of our salvation, our lives will be very different than before. 2 Cor 5:17 “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.” A Christian will be characterized by these things--Gal 5:22-24 “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.” Can you say these things characterize your life? Examine yourself. Acts 16:30-31 "Sirs, what must I do to be saved?" And they said, "Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved, you and your household."

5). We can help our husbands by trying to be easy to love…by trying to be lovable. Several qualities they find attractive—respect your your husband, showing gratitude for supporting us with all his hard work, our cheerfulness, faith,and joy make us attract…and glorify the Lord! Our enthusiasm in doing things with our whole heart. We should speak words of life, healing… Eph 4:29 “Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouths, but only such a word as is good for building up, according to the need of the moment, that it may give grace to those who hear.” This should be our guide for our speech—words that give grace to the hearer.

6). What is an appropriate way for a Christian woman to look, and put herself together”--hair, make-up, jewelry, clothing. Beauty is an attribute of God that we should desire to reflect in ourselves. We honor our husbands by trying to look nice --well-kept and well-dressed. To men, the main thing that makes women pretty is a pleasant expression: a happy, friendly, eager to please expression. Looking attractive is something we do to please our husbands and families. In our hair, as in our dress and in our mode of life, we need to be distinct from men. This is God’s will. And we should delight in this! God commands us to look like women, distinct from men.

7). We talked about loving our children by how we educate them. The Bible talks a lot about training them. Deuteronomy 6:4-9 is our great manifesto. This is our instruction on how to home school.

Deut 6:4-9 "Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.”

This verse tells us why and how and when we should educate our children. We—not others—are commanded to teach to them to love the Lord with all their heart and soul and mind and strength. How and why and when: diligently as we go through life together. We teach our children to love God by expressing our own love of God, often and fervently. We must love God. When you read the Bible to your children, you must communicate awe and reverence. The way we express our attitude towards God and His word is everything. This is how we disciple our children. We should see everything, and teach our children to see everything, in relation to God and His word—for this whole world is God’s world…science, history, fine arts, etc., all subjects covered! Education is something that happens as you go through life together with your children.

8). James 5:16 “The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.” Many have asked for advice in difficult situations—my only suggestion is to pray. Matt 7:7-11 "Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!”

9). The world’s wisdom is contrary to God’s wisdom. 1 Cor 1:20 “Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world?” What the world calls ‘problems’ really can be blessings from God. ‘ADD kids’ that the world labels and drugs… But most of our “difficult” children don’t have a disorder at all…they have a gift! A gift from the Lord!

Titus 2:3-5 is our home verse—Read it again. Titus 2:3 “Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.” We’ve touched on these things.

Last thing I have to say: what’s the most important thing we need to learn… Gal 4:3 “In the same way we also, when we were children, were enslaved to the elementary principles of the world.” Some women are still enslaved like this, as they were raised with public school, in a non-Christian home, etc. We need our minds renewed. Rom 12:2 “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”

How do we do this? Here’s how--Eph 5:25 “Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her, that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word.” The Word of God is what cleanses us and sanctifies us. We need to stop letting the world influence us. The Bible is the solution. All life’s problems are in there—with answers. We don’t need pseudo-sciences like psychology. We need to get to the place where we realize that the Bible has the answers to our problems and we need to get to the place where we can find those answers.

Don’t just read through your chapters, or have your selective devotional readings. Do more than just look at the Bible—study it! Use a computer Bible program; it’s a good reason to get a computer if you don’t have one! There are two good free programs—Blue Letter Bible, which is online, or the E-sword one you can download and use just on your computer. I used them to do word searches to learn all sort of things about these topics so things became so clear! Or you can use something like pen and paper with a Nave’s Topical Bible, and a Strong’s Concordance…however, when you use a computer program, it’s10X as fast to do your studies! Good tools are the best luxury. A Bible program on your computer is absolutely one of the most valuable tools in existence, maybe one of the most valuable tools in history. We Moms don’t have much time but we so desperately need to have Bible literacy. Study topics…like on God’s sovereignty. Study, really study, not just read. Be prepare to make a defense: hope that’s within you (v.) 1 Pet 3:15 “but in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect…” Both Bible programs will help you do this. 2 Tim 2:15 “Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who has no need to be ashamed, rightly handling the word of truth.” To help you rightly handle…these tools will help immensely. Teach your kids to use them. It’s fun! Guide them in looking for answers. This is a thing that is good (Titus 2:4)…teaching yourself and teaching your children to use these very valuable Bible study tools.

A life-changing verse for me was in the story about Joseph. You know it… Gen 50:16-19 “So they sent a message to Joseph, saying, "Your father gave this command before he died, 'Say to Joseph, Please forgive the transgression of your brothers and their sin, because they did evil to you.' And now, please forgive the transgression of the servants of the God of your father." Joseph wept when they spoke to him. His brothers also came and fell down before him and said, "Behold, we are your servants." But Joseph said to them, "Do not fear, for am I in the place of God? As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today.”

Joseph understood God’s sovereignty in his situation. Even if people plot evil against us…even if they actually DO evil against us…God can use it for good. Rom 8:28 “And we know that for those who love God, all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose.”

It was God’s plan to move Jacob’s family to Egypt. It was to preserve them as a distinct people. They had begun to intermarry and intermingle with the heathen in Canaan, so He moved them where…they were looked down on as shepherds by the Egyptians, so they were no longer intermarrying. They were forced to keep to themselves, be set apart—which was a good thing! God wants the same for us. This is something we should think about, as Christians, because God wants us to be distinct from the world, too.

We need to trust God blindly with a child-like faith, like this verse says, Job 13:15 “Though he slay me, I will hope in Him…” Joseph hoped in God all those years, like he said in Gen 50:20,”You meant evil against me, but God meant it for good.” Human events DON’T thwart God’s plan! Rom 8:28 “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose.” We need to trust Him for this!

I want to thank God…it’s God’s grace that gave these things to me to share with you…for all these evenings, to God goes all the glory. Gen 32:10 “I am not worthy of the least of all these mercies, and of all the truth, which thou hast shown thy servant…”

If you’re interested, our family will participating in the Vision Forum Baby Conference. http://www.visionforumministries.org/events/bc/ Someone asked in a letter, how to go without the money and all the kids. Well, there are accommodations for families, but you can also get the sessions on DVD's. It’s just…they don’t record all the great fellowship we have in the hallways between the sessions! I really don’t like…that they come to end. To think heaven will be like sharing these times…the fellowship will never end….!!!

Goodbye…until we meet again. May the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ be with you all… Amen.

Who's The Boss?

2010-04-26T16:17:00.002-04:00

Excerpt from Love & Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs

In today's feminist-dominated culture, the question of, 'Who's the boss?' can be a source of humor or conflict. Many men have been cowed by the feminist argument that men and women are totally equal, and husbands don't have any more authority than their wives do.

But for the Christian couple, the question is, what does the Bible teach about who has authority in the home? We have already seen in chapter 17 that Paul lays out the biblical hierarchy of the home: The man is the head, and the wife is to be subject to him (see Eph. 5:22-23). And we have seen that the good-willed husband does not try to use his position of head as some kind of club to beat down his wife and his children. He acts responsibly - and lovingly - to be the leader that God has asked him to be.

Many Christian wives are uneasy with subjects like headship and authority. When Paul pens lines like Eph. 5:22-23, he sounds hopelessly sexist, especially to women who have domineering husbands. And it doesn't help any when he adds in 1 Tim. 2:12: "I do not allow a woman to...exercise authority over a man, but to remain quiet." In recent years there has been a movement in the church among some scholars and teachers to suggest that the Bible talks about "mutual submission" - that is, that men and women are to be equally subject to one another. The text that is used for this position is Eph. 5:21: "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ."

According to the mutual submission point of view, Eph. 5:21 means that "every Christian should be subject to every other Christian, and wives and husbands, especially, should be 'subject to one another.'" The idea behind mutual submission in this sense is that the wife does not owe submission of any unique kind to her husband.

But if this is true, it is hard to explain Eph. 5:22, where wives are clearly told to "submit to your husbands as to the Lord". As I mentioned in chapter 17, the Greek word for "submit" is hupotasso, which means to rank under or place under. As a wife places herself under her husband's protection and provision, there will come moments when disagreements arise. Honest stalemates can still happen. If a decision must be made, the wife is called upon to defer to her husband, trusting God to guide him to make a decision out of love for her as the responsible head of the marriage.

We have already seen that Paul clearly teaches that there are times when wives should submit to their husbands as head of the household. Does this mean that a wife must submit to something illegal, wrong, or evil? Should she go along with being beaten by her husband or watching him beat the children? Should she submit to his plans to do something dishonest or unethical? The clear scriptural answer is, of course not, because that would be preposterous. When a man acts in this way, he is not a good-willed husband, and he forfeits his right to be head and to be followed. A wife's submission to God takes precedence over her submission to her husband. She is not to sin against Christ in order to defer to her husband. (Read the story of Ananias and Sapphira in Acts 5:1-11.) And, sadly, let me add, a wife may need to physically separate from her husband (1Cor. 7:11) or divorce him for adultery (Matthew 19:9)

Feminists say the Bible puts down women. Actually, the Bible holds up women and gives them advice on how to realize their fondest desires. You don't have to fight. You don't have to push and push and struggle to understand him as you try to move closer only to have him coldly move away. There is another way to get his love, and the Bible tells you what it is. Your quiet and respectful behavior will win him. This is the key to empowerment: you get what you want by giving him what he wants.

Grant your husband authority, as Scripture describes it, and things are much more likely to fall into place. If you try to undermine his authority or subtly rebel against it, the Crazy Cycle will spring to life. A woman who teaches other women in her church on the topic of marriage puts it better that I ever could:

"I believe that ultimately a refusal to submit to or respect your husband is a refusal to trust in God. If we as women believe that God is working in our lives and in our husbands' lives, and we can place ourselves under His authority, then we can submit to and respect our husbands."

Excerpt from Love & Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs

Chapter 18: Authority - His Desire to Serve and to Lead

Disclaimer...

2010-04-24T10:43:00.002-04:00

Just wanted to say that I don't necessarily agree with everything that has been said in the "Evenings with Victoria" posts but there are many things to be gleaned. We all have varying views on our roles as wives, homeschooling, parenting, and such, but it all boils down to our main purpose which is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever. The Bible is our final authority for faith and practice and I know that a lot of times we want to pick at each other for the "little" things we disagree on, so I left the posts in their entirety so that we could all glean from them and if you don't agree in some area then that's okay too! I am very thankful that she has taken time out of her very busy schedule to host this webinar to teach younger women, because in this day and age they need all the help they can get! Everyone wants to do that which is right in their own eyes and not be accountable to anyone. So anyway my point being, there may be things you don't agree with but take from it what you can use to improve your life with your family and your relationship with God and others and lets make a step forward in the right direction!

Evenings with Victoria - Session 8

2010-04-20T15:01:00.000-04:00

Evenings with Victoria Botkin - Session 8 - Q & A, Slander and Gossip

(notes taken by Beth Braun)

Let's begin with a bunch of questions that I'd like to answer.

Question: My husband says I am beautiful without any makeup, and he does not want me to set the example to our daughter that she needs makeup to be beautiful. How do I respond to this?

Answer: Give your husband a big fat kiss! But there are some occasions where wearing a little make-up is better than not wearing any. The best rule about wearing makeup is to try to make it invisible. Also, make sure your make-up is not offensive to others. This may vary by culture. Sometimes wearing make-up is a sign of being formally dressed. Your daughters may need to know how to wear it someday. But help them to learn to prefer their father’s preferences above the demands of their culture.

Question: I am a mother of five little boys. As a mother or five boys, yourself, do you have any suggestion on helping a little boy to improve his aim? I’m having a lot of trouble keeping the bathroom floor in a decent state. Should I just consider it a sanctification tool and get over it, or should I set them to work on the floor themselves?

A: I suggest throwing a piece of toilet paper in the toilet and telling them to aim. Let them mop floor and take responsibility for their mistakes.

Question: Mrs. Botkin you mention in one of the previous sessions about purity rings. What is your stand on that and can you tell me the pros and cons of purity rings?

Answer: I don’t take a stand on this since the Bible doesn’t. One thing concerns me: the wife making her husband take a certain stand on this issue. If your husband wants to, fine. If a father thinks all he has to do to protect his daughter’s purity is to have a little ceremony and give her a ring, as a kind of talisman to protect her from her impure environment…this is a big problem. His responsibility for her goes much farther than this little ritual. The end result can be tragic. An outward custom won’t impart righteousness. We come to rely on our rituals, and they become a substitute for really, truly shepherding a daughter’s heart and emotions. It won’t impart real righteousness but becomes a replacement for it.

Pro 7:13-15 “(the harlot) seizes him and kisses him, and with bold face she says to him, "I had to offer sacrifices, and today I have paid my vows; so now I have come out to meet you, to seek you eagerly, and I have found you.” The woman in these verses was religious! She just did her religious thing…and then went out to seduce a man. What we need to be imparting to our children is a purity that comes…through fear of the Lord…and a genuine desire to be consecrated and set apart for Him. Teach them to be proactive in setting themselves apart. And you be watchful of their companions, music, internet environment…it’s the parent’s job.

Question: Living in a major city of this nation, I am surrounded by Christian, Bible-believing ladies, some even homeschooling, who have embraced the world's system of dress so comprehensively that words like modesty and purity need to be redefined in a more lucid/definitive fashion to draw us back to what truly pleases our Lord and what is abhorrent to Him. With that in mind would you care to elaborate on a specific aspect of women’s' dressing, especially neck-lines, tight trousers and skirt-lengths, to clarify what it really looks like to be dressed modestly?

Answer: Remember from last week the two main biblical directives to us with regard to our clothing involve: 1. distinctiveness….being distinct from men, and 2. modesty, both in regard to covering nakedness and dressing appropriately.

Gen 3 shows God’s view vs. man’s for covering nakedness. Gen 3:7 “Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked. And they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loincloths.” The Hebrew for “loincloths” means a garment tied around the waist. This is what Adam and Eve decided. But in Gen 3:21, we see God’s design for covering: “And the LORD God made for Adam and for his wife garments of skins and clothed them.” The Hebrew here means to cover or coat, roughly neck to knee. What’s the spirit of what He’s saying? How do people see us.

Men have a much higher level of sensitivity to women’s anatomy than women do. A tight tee shirt might cause a man to stumble. Do we want to make our brothers in Christ stumble? Job 31:1—“I have made a covenant with my eyes; how then could I gaze at a virgin?” Job made a covenant with his eyes because he acknowledged this was a problem for him. We women may not be conscious of how female anatomy attracts male attention. But it does, so let me tell you!

Men are responsible, before the Lord, to do what is right, always…but it is not loving for us to dress in a way that is provocative. The body parts we most need to conceal are those parts which are most different from male anatomy. Our goal is to conceal or cover like God said. I’m not saying you have to wear baggy clothing. The female silhouette, which distinguishes a woman from a man, is not a bad thing…God does want us to be distinguishable from men. We need a balance: not ‘totally concealed’ yet not ‘totally accentuated’, as in baggy shapelessness vs. painted-on clothing. We should be distinguishable from men.

We should look at men as our brothers in Christ, not just potential marriage partners. Be considerate of men. Don’t take advantage of them by provoking them or distracting them simply because you have the power to do so with your body.

Rom 14:19-22 “Rom 14:19 So then let us pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding. Do not, for the sake of food, destroy the work of God. Everything is indeed clean, but it is wrong for anyone to make another stumble by what he eats. It is good not to eat meat or drink wine or do anything that causes your brother to stumble. The faith that you have, keep between yourself and God. Blessed is the one who has no reason to pass judgment on himself for what he approves.” Add what you wear to these verses.

Encourage your brothers in the faith; don’t undermine their faith. 1Ti 5:1-2 “… encourage [an older man]… as you would a father, younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, younger women as sisters, in all purity.” Let’s extrapolate from these verses and see all men as our brothers. So, how do you dress around your biological brothers? Provocatively? Of course not! As your biological brother is off limits romantically, so is your Christian brother, also.

We need to be aware of the weaknesses of our brothers in the Lord…and do what we can to help them there. The great King David, a man after God’s own heart, was attracted to an uncovered woman and stumbled. The great King Solomon was attracted to many women…who then led him astray. Both of these great men stumbled, so think of what it must be like for your Christian brother. So please, ladies, dress modestly…make sure your anatomical features which are most distinctively female…are covered. Think: Are you dressed appropriately…or to make your brother stumble? Destroy not him…for whom Christ died… (Rom 14:15)

Some good website/books resources are: www.ladiesagainstfeminism.

com on Femininity & Modesty and for the book, Modesty and the Christian Woman by Jennie Chancey, and Vision Forum for the book, Christian Modesty and the Public Undressing of America, by Jeff Pollard.

Question: Do you talk to men? At the supper table, do you talk? Or do you just sit and listen? Do you stay in the kitchen?

Answer: Yes. Of course! I talk to my biological brothers and also to my brothers in the Lord. Some basic Scriptural guidelines are, well, Jesus talked to women, as did Paul. It would be very strange if we as brothers and sisters didn’t talk to each other. For example, we entertain a lot in our home, so I often have to visit with male guests who come to visit my husband Geoff when he is not available to talk with them right away at home. Just don’t be the one directing the conversation.

If you’re a talker, be careful you don’t take the conversation and run with it and talk circles around your husband if he’s the quieter one. Some men have to struggle to form their ideas into words…but for us women, it’s more often a struggle to keep quiet! And women should learn to keep quiet! Look at these verses. Prov 10:19 “When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent.” Prov 21:23 “Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble.” If your husband’s not a talker, you will hinder his wanting to talk by filling up the space with your constant conversation…

Question: My husband and I have 3 children and only in the last 5 years or so have come around to letting the Lord plan the size of our family. With 3 children we are already thought of as a 'large' family within our extended family. We had a daughter in 2007 who didn't have functioning kidneys. We were told she would die after birth, which she did. We were crushed. But we saw God's sovereignty in a new way and trusted Him in all things. We believed it was His plan. We continued trusting Him with our future children. We prayed as a family for another baby. He answered by sending us Samuel. Samuel had Trisomy 13 and was stillborn this last October. This was very hard…My husband is 39, I am 42. The world says we’re too old to have more. But if my body still is showing signs of fertility… We want more kids, but if we have another baby with a birth defect… What should we do?

Answer: God is sovereign over all, and has supreme control over every detail of our lives. Your faith and obedience is important here. Like Esther said, “If I perish, I perish.” She was content to let God control whether she lived or died. Job 13:15—“Though He slay me, I will hope in Him…” It is clear that you have submitted your womb, your life, and your future children to the Lord’s supreme control. You are an example of faith.

Question: If my husband, the children, and I are all together and the children are disobeying, do I have the authority to correct my children if my husband ignores their disobedience? Or should I encourage him to correct them?

Answer: He should be correcting them. However, most husbands aren’t as tuned into the kids as their moms are. He can delegate the correction to you. If he’s ignoring Scripture’s command, you should discipline. Don’t scold or chide your husband, or be bitter. Calmly correct like the children like you should. Just do what is right before the Lord, yourself, and let the Lord work on your
husband. It’s not your job to correct him.

Question: Did you plan at the beginning of the "year" what topics/goals you wished to cover with your children?

Answer: Home school for us was year-round…It’s public school baggage that you have to ‘start’ in September. I think it’s really important to try to communicate to older children that this is THEIR education…it’s not something we are trying to do TO them…it’s something we are trying to help them do…so that they can be prepared for their future. We are helping them with their weaknesses and strengths. Help facilitate learning what they want to learn as they get older, like buying materials for them, taking them to the library... I would ‘plan’, but…I must admit, our school year usually didn’t end up the way I planned… Flexibility is important for you, and also something the kids need to learn.

Question: Since you have raised five boys, would you comment on how a home schooling mother can help her son move through puberty and into manhood? I realize he cannot remain "Mommy's little boy", but I do not know, practically, what goals I should have or benchmarks he should pass. There is more written about the father/son relationship, I think, than about a mother's "letting go".

Answer: One weakness inherent in the home school movement of today is that as some boys grow up at home with mommy, they never really have manhood modeled for them. Girls seem to turn out OK, but boys…when Dad’s away all day… maybe you could start a family business. If Dad can’t be a role model, some other godly male role models must be provided. Parents don’t have to be the exclusive mentor; it’s just that we want wise companions. Prov 13:20 ”Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.” Don’t have one? Then pray. God is our deliverer. He receives glory by our deliverance. James 5:16 “The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.”

You know, some questions I just can’t answer, so my only advice is: Pray. We are so used to instant gratification, having things right now, no waiting. Do we have enough patience and perseverance to pray until we see our prayer answered? George Washington was known for praying 2 hours each day…but then his circumstances got much harder. He realized he didn’t have time for 2 hours of prayer because of all he was going through, so he extended it to 3!

If you don’t have, then ask in that ‘hopeless situation.’ Pray fervently, hopefully, long. Matt 7:7-11 "Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!”

Regarding the need to ‘let go’... Face it, little boys are loveable. She didn’t want her sons to grow apart from her and closer to father. She forgot her fear of this. She was worried that as her sons grew up, they would outgrow her…She is still close—not in a mommy/little boy way but as adults. My grown sons seem to enjoy taking care of me now…and I love it! We are closer than ever! Yes it’s different. Prov 4:18 “But the path of the righteous is like the light of dawn, which shines brighter and brighter until full day.” I’m seeing my relationships with my kids growing brighter and brighter!

Question: I have a 12 year old daughter who seems to be having a difficult time with the use of the English language. It is not that she is lazy. Hard work is not something of which she is afraid, as long as it is physical. Intellectual hard work is another matter. She frequently can't remember the word she needs to communicate what she wants to say…She tests well in standardized tests but then seems to forget half of what she has learned. Her elder sister is quite fluent in language and while I know each child is different, I wonder what I am doing wrong.

Answer: My advice: Stop worrying, as each child is different with different strengths and weaknesses. One of her sons was horrible to do school with, wouldn’t pay attention and sit still. Another noticed everything. I knew that if my “problem” sons were in public school their teachers would label them hyperactive, and label them with Attention Deficit Disorder…and put them on Ritalin… in a heartbeat! They didn’t have a disorder at all…they had a gift! A gift from the Lord! In a different time and place, they would have been perfectly normal, like in Bible days watching the sheep or Pioneer times… Other of her kids would have been terrible watchmen…so instead, did they have a ‘disorder?’

It’s really just outrageous that some of our children, whom God has gifted with skills and talents that He wanted to bless them with and which please Him, are considered by schoolteachers to have a disorder. It is a terrible national tragedy that so many boys and girls are having their lives ruined…by being drugged with Ritalin for years and years…and by being labeled as having a disorder…and it’s all really just for the convenience of the teachers. It’s for classroom management! Sitting 6 hours still a day is NOT normal.

Your daughter’s young, it may be that she’s a late bloomer. Or maybe she’s not meant to be bookish. Encourage her to read things she’s interested in. Be sensitive to her. Adolescence changes a lot of things with kids. Let her know you are for her and are with her.

Question: We bought your CDs a little while back & have listened several times. God is drawing us to make some changes in how we educate our children. I'm tired of trying to do all the curriculum & tired of feeling guilty because I never complete all of the curriculum! As we have let the curriculum go for history & science & moved towards reading aloud & nature studies, we are loving it! It feels different because we didn't learn this way but, actually, we didn't learn the public school way either! I do have this question for you: did you schedule your day? Specifically, did you do the math early in the day &
what did you do with your young ones while you worked with the children needing help? Did you read & write while the littles napped?

Answer: I have 2 CD’s available with favorite tips… Curriculum Advice Volumes 1 and 2, available at www.WesternConservatory.com

Our schedule changed all the time…depending on the ages of the toddlers…and the level of independence of the school-aged ones. She likes to start with math. As soon as the child is old enough, she lets them grade their own work and re-do the mistakes right away. Waiting until tomorrow to fix them…then the kids lose interest. I wasn’t much of a schedule-type. With my husband working at home, it usually didn’t work for me to be too tied to my own schedule. Warning: It won’t be easy if your husband’s home and you’re used to having your own schedule--it can be frustrating when you have your school day planned out, but your husband wants to do otherwise with the kids.

Question: I loved your talking about teaching your children. I have your curriculum series, and you just have a way of making it sound so fun! But I had a question. I've only been pregnant twice so far, but that 2nd time I was wiped out. I could barely keep my eyes open. How did you go with the flow of what your children were interested in while you were pregnant? I'm a little afraid that if I have to do a lot of lesson planning and book gathering, I might not do it during those times. I don't want them to suffer. I've heard some say textbooks are nice for this time, because you can just hand it to them, but, outside of liking that idea, it sounds boring. So…how did you effectively teach and plan when you were pregnant or had a newborn?

Answer: My best advice is to do school every day that you can, all year round…and don’t worry about the days when you can’t. Summer is actually a good time to ‘do school’ since it’s usually too hot to go outside! Teach your kids to like to do things to educate themselves. If you have to, do it, but I don’t make lesson plans ahead of time but only after you did something so you just record what was actually done. I kept a journal of our schoolwork. I had each child keep a list of all the books read.

Question: How did you teach your children to teach themselves?

Answer: We keep lots of educational books and games around—don’t let them sit around and watch TV all day… Briefly—don’t do too much of your child’s schooling for him. Teach him to learn to love learning and reading. Get them interested in learning about things, by showing your interest in things. Avoid, or strictly limit, passive entertainment. Children, and adults, quickly become dependent on passive entertainment. Stock your house with interesting things to do—have art supplies, legos, video maker, tools, rather than play passively things—turn them loose to do things. Let them teach you out of your ‘classroom’! Don’t just feed them facts to memorize. As they get older and develop their own interests, we parents function more as facilitators than as teachers. Pursue real education using the Deut 6 model.

Question: I am a single 24 year old woman living at home with my father. My father is also the pastor of our church. Our church is very involved and infiltrated by the modern day youth culture, our church participates in all the denomination’s youth conventions, camps, etc. We have our own youth group and teen center. I am expected to participate and help in all these events and chaperone, to teach children’s church… I do all these things to help my father, but I must admit that it breaks my heart…

Answer: Serve your father…and pray desperately for a husband to help with the situation. Challenge the kids to think Biblically. Pray for the culture of the church around the world. Pray to be the wife of a reformer.

Question: My mother wants to move into our home this summer and she likes to watch TV. We do not watch TV in our home. How is this viewed in the Bible? Should we allow TV viewing in her room only or not at all? How do you handle a situation like this?

Answer: We are to honor parents by caring for them when they are older. But the jurisdiction of your home is governed by your husband, even if your parents are there. If husband says no TV…well, someone discipled by American TV is not a good influence on your home. You have no obligation to indulge her preference if she has to have her TV. Some parents would actually prefer living in a pagan institution to a Christian home. If Grandma comes, gently and lovingly enforce your husband’s decision.

Question: Question: We have been watching our married son’s 2 year old daughter 5 days a week since she was 3 months old. We also home school our 9 and 14 year old boys, which has turned into a 3 hour school day while the baby naps. They are expecting their second baby in April. We were asked to watch both babies 3 days a week. The other grandma would help watch the baby on the other days. But I am struggling with both homeschooling and watching the babies. Where do you draw line? My son’s home is not a Christian home, but I want to be a godly influence on these children while I can.

Answer: If you were helping your older son so that he could get out of debt and get back on his feet again; creating a Christian home where his wife could stay home and raise the children, I would say, help him. But you didn’t say your son has any intention of changing his life. Your influence on those babies is minimal now, especially if he plans to just send them on to public school as soon as possible. Your real problem isn’t that you are too busy homeschooling your 9 and 14 year olds. The real point is, will your investment into your grandchildren really bear any fruit? Are you actually influencing your son and his wife for good or are they just using you for free babysitting? Your first priority is to your younger sons. Debt compromises the foundation of a Christian home. Debt is a kind of slavery…To keep from losing your house, and all the money you have invested in it, you may be tempted to delegate the raising of children to strangers, like at daycare, so both husband and wife can work… When you are in debt you no longer have the flexibility to make decisions based on what you know is right…you are over a barrel.

Short Session tonight: Let’s talk some more about words.

Prov 18:21 “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.” There is a potential of problems with internet. 1 Tim 5:13-14 “They learn to be idlers, going about from house to house, and not only idlers, but also gossips and busybodies, saying what they should not. So I would have younger widows marry, bear children, manage their households, and give the adversary no occasion for slander.” This is an interesting thing about the internet—it enables one to go house to house without leaving the house! It’s perfectly natural and right to let people know about blessings of God, like talking on Facebook. (Victoria doesn’t have a FB account.) Relationships are very important to us…we are nurturing and motherly by nature…and sympathetic…and curious…and restless…and that’s a dangerous combination, if we have too much free time and no accountability to anyone.

What’s gossip: friendly chitchat or something else? Look at those verses in Timothy again: Paul calls gossips busybodies who say what they shouldn’t.

Prov 18:7-8 “A fool's mouth is his ruin, and his lips are a snare to his soul. The words of a whisperer are like delicious morsels; they go down into the inner parts of the body.” Delicious words are, well, hard to resist.

2 Cor 12:20 “For I fear that perhaps when I come I may find you not as I wish, and that you may find me not as you wish—that perhaps there may be quarreling, jealousy, anger, hostility, slander, gossip, conceit, and disorder.” Look at gossip’s companions in this verse.

Rom1:28-31 “And since they did not see fit to acknowledge God, God gave them up to a debased mind to do what ought not to be done. They were filled with all manner of unrighteousness, evil, covetousness, malice. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, maliciousness. They are gossips, slanderers, haters of God, insolent, haughty, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents, foolish, faithless, heartless, ruthless.” Gossip is what haters of God do…

Talking about and with friends in a loving way like on Facebook is OK, but be careful not to neglect your house and children… Gossip is not this friendly, chatty stuff, but the Bible links slander to it. Ps 15:1-3 “O LORD, who shall sojourn in your tent? Who shall dwell on your holy hill? He who walks blamelessly and does what is right and speaks truth in his heart; who does not slander with his tongue and does no evil to his neighbor, nor takes up a reproach against his friend.” Gossip is doing evil to a neighbor.

Mt 15:18-20 “But what comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart, and this defiles a person. For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false witness, slander. These are what defile a person.” Slander is associated with murder plus other evil acts!

Eph 4:31 “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.” Col 3:8 “But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth.” Slander is forbidden by God.

What should you do about it? It is a very serious thing to slander someone. Deut 19:16-19 “If a malicious witness arises to accuse a person of wrongdoing, then both parties to the dispute shall appear before the LORD, before the priests and the judges who are in office in those days. The judges shall inquire diligently, and if the witness is a false witness and has accused his brother falsely, then you shall do to him as he had meant to do to his brother. So you shall purge the evil from your midst.” Slander is the malicious bringing of an accusation of wrongdoing against someone. The truth must be established—false witnesses must be punished. What we DO NOT see in this verse, is the accusation being passed along to everyone…the way it often happens today, on the internet. The internet can make you anonymous in accusing... 1 Tim 5:19 “Against an elder receive not an accusation, but before two or three witnesses.” There must be physical witnesses who saw or heard the thing.

As with internet-based or any slander, remember these verses: Prov 11:13 “Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets, but he who is trustworthy in spirit keeps a thing covered.” Keep slander concealed. Prov 20:19 “Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets; therefore do not associate with a gossip. (literally, “one who opens his lips.”) Don’t associate with a malicious gossip—person, blogs, or website. Prov 17:14 “An evildoer listens to wicked lips, and a liar gives ear to a destructive tongue.” Even listening to slander is evil. If you have no reason to suspect a person of wrongdoing, don’t. Remember, we should consider people to be innocent until they can be shown to be guilty: love believes the best. The internet is harming a lot of Christians in this way: Prov 17:4 (“An evildoer listens to wicked lips, and a liar gives ear to a destructive tongue.”)

Let’s end with this verse: 1 Peter 3:10 “For Whoever desires to love life and see good days, let him keep his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking deceit.”

Evenings with Victoria - Session 7

2010-04-14T00:39:00.002-04:00

Evenings with Victoria Botkin - Session 7 - Loving your children

(notes taken by Beth Braun)

Today is a special day for me, as my 4th son was born this night many years ago—the one who makes my Power Points for these sessions!

Question: My Mother-in-law and sister- in-law and went in to get me a gift certificate to the beauty salon for my birthday. When I called the girl at the salon to tell her I only wanted the haircut, she asked “Did you know they purchased color for you?” This was my initial suspicion when I first received the gift. My hair is no longer red, it is going white. I am 49. I believe in going counter-culture and not coloring my hair but my mother-in-law colors hers. I can’t politely thank her, then stuff the gift in the closet and get rid of it later as getting my hair colored is part of the package. I don’t need to be hip, so what do I do?

Answer: Well, ask your husband what he thinks. Victoria remembers she would run into people when she had a bunch of little kids all around her who would be making ungracious comments to her like, “Oh, you’re pregnant AGAIN?”… Her way of taking the wind out of their sails would be by telling them what a blessing it is to be pregnant again. Let people know you love your hair ‘this way, the way it is’, you wouldn’t dream of coloring it, AND your husband likes it that way! Joy and enthusiasm over your situation (whatever it is) are your best defense against snide remarks. Don’t let your in-laws dictate what you do, if your husband likes it that way…

Question: I home school my children and am with them for the entire day, but I am quite unsure of how much free time to allow them… the amount of time they should be spending by themselves playing outside, reading alone, playing with friends…

Answer: So, they’re fighting you and not wanting to work… You need to work with your children to train them to obey you quickly, quietly, completely and cheerfully. This is your 1st resort! Look at these verses in Proverbs: Prov 13:24 “Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.” Prov 22:15 “Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him.” Prov 29:17 “Discipline your son, and he will give you rest; he will give delight to your heart.” (I’d add also, Prov 19:18, “Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying.”) The seeming paradox: Spanking wins their hearts? It does for children who are consistently and lovingly made to obey, love and respect their parents. Kids appreciate boundaries and it’s a relief to them to show we love them by setting limits when they don’t know better.

And playing with friends—who are their friends and what are they doing when they are together? Do they play for the better or are they corrupting your kids? Prov 13:20 “Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.” Even if they are family friends, keep an eye out on what they are doing together. Children don’t seem to bring out the best in each other, most of the time. Your job is to seek out good companions, which are usually older than your kids. The neighborhood kids can undermine your home school and your family by their actions. My old friends from school weren’t really friends—they did me no good at all, they were just people…to hang with. Your children do not need companions their own age to hang out with; they need wise companions. There is no reason to limit your child’s friends to people his age—this is an artificial thing we learned in public school. Older kids wouldn’t dare hang out with younger kids, younger kids wouldn’t hang out with you because you were older, so you learned to be stuck with those your age. You learned to be segregated in your friendships by both younger and older kids in school ostracizing you. In my house, my kids had few friends, but what was important was that her sons and daughters were best friends with each other!

As for free time… Giving your children free time is very important, if your they know how to use it well by being productive in their use of time—doing things like reading, playing the piano, useful things. If she saw one kid using their free time productively, she would look for another helper to do work for her—like the one not using time productively by fighting, getting in trouble. No brainless toys were brought home. I was careful in what I brought home for the children to play with…I avoided toys or games that were going to take a lot of my time to manage. Everything we had for our children to do was useful or educational. For example, we had a Game Boy once that was returned—for me as a mom, it was a pain to manage the children’s time on it, what they were actually doing on it, was it really a productive use of their time…so we got rid of it. We had lots of things like art supplies, books to read, piano to play, sewing machine and stuff for it, blankets to make tents, wood for building projects, legos, geography games, Pictionary. All our to-do stuff for kids during free time helped them learn things. Are you being productive?--Think this way about your free time. A question Geoff would often ask the children was: “Are you using the Lord’s time well?” And constant activity isn’t always productive—like just keeping the kids busy with workbooks.

Victoria is quite satisfied with her kids’ education with all they did and are doing. “I consider our home school experience a great success!” I’m not nearly as good teaching myself to do new things as my kids are!

Tonight now we’re going to talk about loving our children… especially as that relates to educating them. Learn to analyze everything—like education--from a Scriptural standpoint. Scripture absolutely talks about how to educate our children. Not ‘how to teach’ subjects like math, geography, but well, we’ll start off tonight by talking about what education is, and what it isn’t…

What it isn’t… is ‘school.’ When I say ‘home school’, I really mean home education, not ‘school.’ School means a whole truckload of stuff—as it’s an American experience. Our collective history, nostalgic experiences of childhood, the open doors of opportunity to learn things never knows before… Maybe your parents couldn’t read, so… At first education began by churches, to disciple children. Yet a ‘classroom’ is not in Scripture. The classroom model most of us grew up with…is not a Biblical model. Though the Pioneers and Pilgrims did it, if not enough adults were around to teach the kids, classroom teaching is not in the Bible. Our fuzzy memories should not be confused with the school of today—the government school today is NOT like the Founder’s little red schoolhouse. We should not confuse school with education. We are stuck with a big bunch of presuppositions about school and how to teach our children, and what to teach our children…as a result of our school experience.

Generally there’s not much difference usually between Christian private and government schools as they both have a lot of government regulation to deal with. When most of us go about starting to home school, we fall back on what we know about school… and we try to recreate it. School months? Use them to buy your materials on specials and stock up! As for desks, school clothes, saying the pledge before class, having a teacher desk up front— We do not need to recreate our school experience when we set about to educate our children at home. All we end up with is home school burnout. It’s horribly hard to do ‘school’ this way—I would call it abuse to make them sit at a desk all that time!

“The decisive dynamics which make forced schooling poisonous to healthy human development aren't hard to spot. Work in classrooms isn't significant work; it fails to satisfy real needs pressing on the individual; it doesn't answer real questions experience raises in the young mind; it doesn't contribute to solving any problem encountered in actual life. The net effect of making all schoolwork external to individual longings, experiences, questions, and problems is to render the victim listless. ..Growth and mastery come only to those who vigorously self-direct. Initiating, creating, doing, reflecting, freely associating, enjoying privacy-- these are precisely what the structures of schooling are set up to prevent, on one pretext or another.”--John Taylor Gatto, in The Underground History of American Education I highly recommend reading this book!

Deuteronomy 6 is one of the most magnificent passages of the Bible. Read it over and over and write it on your doorposts! It’s hard to read it without choking up…

Deut 6:4-9 "Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.”

Deuteronomy 6 tells us why and how and when to home school.

Why do we home school? We home school because we are commanded by God to teach our children to love the Lord their God with all their hearts and soul and might…. Who else will possibly do that for us?

How do we teach our children to love God? We interpret God to our kids in a way—if we love God, marvel at Him and His creation, enjoy His Word…or if we find Him…boring, it’s a tedious duty obeying Him… We teach our children to love God by expressing our own love of God to them often and fervently. WE must love God.

How did we learn to love God? Mark 12:29-31 “Jesus answered, "The most important is, 'Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.' The second is this: 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no other commandment greater than these." I prayed God would help me learn to love Him—when I first got saved and over the years even until now.

We also demonstrate to our children our love for God by our obedience to His word: John 14:15 "If you love me, you will keep my commandments.” John 14:23-24 "If anyone loves me, he will keep my word, and my Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him. Whoever does not love me does not keep my words…” We don’t obey to be saved, it is clear: Eph 2:8-9 “For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.” We want to obey God because we love Him and we eagerly seek out new things in the Word to obey simply because we love Him.

How do we read the Bible to our kids? Do we read it in a dull, flat, bored voice…or with emotion and feeling? (She reads as an example, Gen 1:1-3—“In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. The earth was without form and void, and darkness was over the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God was hovering over the face of the waters. And God said, "Let there be light," and there was light.”) When we read the Bible to our children, we must communicate awe and reverence. If the kids and I are raring to go outside on a beautiful spring day…do I read the word…dutifully…so we can finally get out there…or do you have enthusiasm when you read the word together before you go outside? The attitude we express towards God and His word is everything…this is how we disciple our children.

Teach your kids to notice and appreciate God’s creation. Rom 1:19 “For what can be known about God is plain to them, because God has shown it to them. For his invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made. So they are without excuse.” Help them to learn to appreciate creation so they learn to love Him who created it. Teach them to look at things….to really see them…to notice things, the details… Psa 145:16 “Thou openest thine hand, and satisfiest the desire of every living thing.” Explain why God made things this way. OK, maybe you’re saying you don’t know this stuff—well, find out about it together—this is what education is all about. Take a nature walk, go collecting things, identify what you find, sketch stuff, use field guides. Has TV dulled us to the beauties of the world around us?
This is education…this is part of Deuteronomy 6, to teach when you sit, walk, lie down, rise…

Next, we see that we are to teach our children diligently. Deut 6:7 “You shall teach them diligently…” You have to make it happen, watch over and shepherd them. Teaching them to love the Lord their God is something that goes hand in glove with teaching them to read, teaching them to count, teaching them science, teaching them history…because this world which we are teaching them about…is God’s world! This is what education is…this is what it should be: teaching our children about God and His world and His dealings with men. There is no distinction between secular and sacred things, no neutral things in this world, either. We should see everything, and teach our children to see everything, in relation to God and His word. In Deuteronomy 6 we see that education is happening all the time. Doing workbooks all the time is most assuredly NOT teaching! Read things, do them together, talk about things. For example, how did you teach your kids to talk? You just did it—taught them like it says in Deuteronomy 6: you talked to them when they rose up and lay down and in the way…and they learned to talk! And English is one of the most difficult languages in the world to learn! Education is not just between ages 6-18, or from 9-3pm. Education is something that is happening to our children as they go through life with their parents...in the things they read and do together, and in talking about these things. Education is something that happens as you go through life together with your children.

You know what, you really don’t know enough to teach. Even if you have a Ph.D. from Harvard, you never will know enough. You CAN’T do it. You can never know everything there is that your children will need to know! So, teach them to teach themselves, learn for themselves; it takes the burden off your back. You may have an ignorant public school education, but you can learn with your kids if you don’t know things they want to learn! You can learn with your children! (Her kids loved doing this with her!) Rather than making lesson plans ahead of time so you can teach the kids…do it together so you learn together. You’re not putting on a front, pretending to be the teacher when…you really don’t know the things you’re supposed to be teaching. If you find yourself not understanding something, Mom, one of your children may end up explaining it to you! Shouldn’t we be interested in everything God made and all that He has said and done? Get interested in the things that interest your children. If you’re more interested in say, shopping or scrapbooking or quilting (I say this because I quilt!) as more important than being interested in the Lord and his creation, something’s wrong. Dinosaurs, Roman soldiers, volcanoes—this is boy’s stuff that they were interested in—she was interested in it too because she loved her children.

The Greek model (‘classroom’) can be an effective way to teach a large group, but it’s just not for young kids. It is your responsibility to teach them to love God, not the Sunday School teacher’s or the youth pastor’s. We can entrust others to teach our children some things. But be careful, as they may have an agenda—so stay there with your child until you are sure of what the teacher is about.

As for testing…some states do this to home schoolers. I say if a 1st grade or high school senior in your public schools can’t read—don’t expect me to hold to your testing standards! But if your home schooled kid can’t—you may get in trouble. Use the tests then to teach your kids how to think about the things that are on them from a Biblical standpoint—like the environmental stuff.

So what do children need to know? Some parents never really think about this. It’s different for every family. You and your husband should spend time talking this over and praying about this together. You should find out what is his vision for the kids’ future—what he sees as their gifts and strengths for their future vocations. If you have a family business, how they fit in. Wives can do a lot to encourage their husbands to think about these kinds of things by a few well-asked questions—with the right attitude.

Our children are to be ambassadors of the Lord, disciple makers, so they need to know the Scripture well. 2 Tim 2:15 “Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who has no need to be ashamed, rightly handling the word of truth.” Do a lot of reading and memorizing Scripture. Children CAN memorize whole books of the Bible. I tried to do memory verse cards which got chaotic with all the kids, the disorganization caused them problems in memorizing anything…so we gave that up.

They must know how to read and write well. Reading and writing are the foundation of our children’s entire education. Reading aloud to your children is probably the single most important thing you can do to teach them to love learning. We read a lot in our house, morning to evening. Not just reading or reading to but reading with. One of best investments we made: beyond helping them learn to love books, it strengthened our relationships…because we had shared something. Because we did it together and shared our thoughts about what’s read. Older kids can listen while sewing or doing projects, too. Try it. You may not be an out-loud reader, but practice helps you learn to do it.

If they can’t teach reading in public school well, how can I… People are afraid of teaching reading. The reason why the public schools fail is because the system departed from teaching phonics. Teaching reading is not hard; you can do it! There were no computers or state-certified reading specialists for thousands of years...and many in the old days learned to read by just using the Bible. Professionals have made a bogeyman out of reading so you think you need a trained professional to teach it. The best resource for teaching reading that I ever encountered is Alphaphonics by Samuel Blumenfeld. It’s available from Chalcedonstore.com All it requires is a child, a copy of Alphaphonics, and someone to be the teacher. I used this simple book for all my kids.

We didn’t just learn phonics on ‘school days’—we even learned on weekends. You know, we never made it to the end of the book, not with any of the kids, because once they got the basics down, they wanted to read real books then. You can make your own phonics readers, make your own kids’ stories if you want, or let the kids make their own easy reader books. Frog and Toad ones, Little Bear ones were good early readers they found; the non-fiction ones we liked best. Learning the sounds of the letters—putting the sounds together to make words takes longer, but this is real reading. Reading out loud this way at first can be agonizingly slow, but be patient and help them.

Learning to write. When young, she self-taught her children on dotted-line paper how to form letters which they then copied. The nice hand writers of her kids learned by copying her, not the special writing books. Most people use computers now, but they need to learn how to write anyway. The thing that really teaches children to write well is practice.

I would have my kids keep a journal at first, and give them ideas for what to write about. Have them copy misspellings from a separate paper—don’t correct on their journal pages, let them correct themselves. Let them leave their errors and watch them progressing, but talk about the errors and what they need to change and it will happen. One of the things I hoped to teach them, in keeping a journal, was to appreciate the importance of everyday life. Are some days boring? We need to be training our children to see God’s blessings on us every day….this is one of the most important lessons of all!

Like around age 10 my boys did encyclopedia reports, one a day, on what they thought interesting. How I taught my daughters to write…I had them write me a one-page summary of what they had read that day for history. (The girls were around12 & 14.) They would read the assignment then hit their notebook and realize they didn’t remember a thing and have to go re-read it. It helped them figure out to read and remember it the first time around. What was the importance of this? It taught them, not just how to write, but how to be better readers. It taught them to analyze…to read critically…not just to memorize facts. Have you seen what they blog? I often get asked, how did you teach them to write? Well, now you know.

How did you find suitable books for your children to read?...

Well…some Christian authors are better avoided I find. Some non-Christian ones are OK. I found books written in the 1940’s and 1950’s are much more likely to be usable than books written in the1970’s and 1980’s. One way to solve the problem of questionable books: read the book aloud together if you’re not sure of it and verbally edit or just chuck it if the book gets really bad. Little House book series is her favorite. Just remember, no book but the Bible is perfect…and this is an important lesson in itself. What about the Little House TV show? The one time we watched it, she remembers Laura and Mother were acting completely out of character with the book, so… Henty and Ballantyne books are good reads. It’s better to read a few excellent books, again and again, than to read a wide variety of mediocre books. Another advantage to reading books aloud, is that you can read books that are probably too advanced for your children. You can explain as you go, which makes it even more educational!

Just to mention, we didn’t use textbooks at all except for math—which was the Saxon math series. Algebra 1 wasn’t fun for her, as she didn’t understand it, so…the kids began figuring out the math for themselves. Your kids’ future determines how high the math they need…. The point being, if, for some reason, one of my children needs Calculus later…well, they know how to read, they know how to teach themselves, so they can learn it when and if they need it! And all the computer programming, music abilities, etc., they know were taught to her kids not by her but by themselves! This is what it means to be an educated person: being able to teach yourself whatever you need to know.

Studying science: Many moms don’t think it’s exciting. We were taught, you know, things evolved, we’re just accidents, there’s no meaningful design, we’re just part of a great meaningless existence. Why should or would we be interested in studying something that is devoid of meaning? But…studying this earth we live on, and the sun and moon, and stars, and the weather, and the seasons, and all the creatures and plants of God’s creation, and how they all interact …is something completely different…this is something that is extremely interesting! For example, if your son sees the sun’s rising and is not asking why, then ask him about it…and if you don’t know why it’s rising, look things up together. These are interesting mysteries…and the answers are marvels…

The World Book encyclopedia is a great resource…it contains the answers to many of your child’s questions. Getting a brand-new set is not necessary, you can use an older one. Field guides for identification are good resources. Try collecting specimens and watching things in nature. Usbourne science books don’t have a creation perspective--you add it in--but they are good resources. Answers in Genesis and Institute for Creation Research have many good books from the creationist standpoint.

Teach your children to have an enquiring mind. Your child needs to learn to notice and appreciate the wonders around us. This is part of worshipping God…Scripture is full of passages that teach us to appreciate the creation: Psalm 111:2 “Great are the works of the LORD, they are studied by all who take delight in them.” Psalm 8:3-9 “When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, and the son of man that you care for him? Yet you have made him a little lower than the heavenly beings and crowned him with glory and honor. You have given him dominion over the works of your hands; you have put all things under his feet, all sheep and oxen, and also the beasts of the field, the birds of the heavens, and the fish of the sea, whatever passes along the paths of the seas. O LORD, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth!”

I think we can help our children have a more reverent and worshipful attitude by having one ourselves. Stop a few times a day, just a minute, to praise the Lord. Psalm 56:6-7 “Oh come, let us worship and bow down; let us kneel before the LORD, our Maker! For he is our God, and we are the people of his pasture, and the sheep of his hand.” There are no formulas to be a better Christian, but taking opportunities to give thanks will revolutionize your life. Psalm 50:23 “The one who offers a sacrifice of thanksgiving honors Me; to the one who orders his way rightly I will show the salvation of God!"

Teaching history: It’s my favorite subject! I hated history in school and the textbooks. There is a shortage of good ones written for kids. Reading the Bible is a good introduction to the history of the past for little ones. Start teaching history from the present and work back to introduce the past. A good way to start introducing the concept of the past to young children is have Grandmother and Grandfather tell the child how life was when they were young. The Little House books also a good introduction to help to connect with real people back then. Old Yeller is good also.

Do I have a favorite author of historical fiction? Well…often historical fiction writers impose modern attitudes and speech on actual history. Most historical fiction then is suspect. One author shines. Our favorite children’s non-fiction history books were by Genevieve Foster. Her books on George Washington, Caesar, Columbus and John Smith are excellent. She never put words in her subject’s mouths, but only wrote what they actually said, so the books are truthful. She does not make up dialog for the people in her books. The things her books say are all based on true accounts of other people who heard them say it, or written accounts. Most historical fiction puts words in their characters’ mouths that they did not actually say but are modern takes on what the authors think, not historical facts. Foster was not necessarily biblical but good in that way.

Authors tend to take history and sanitize it for kids, so there’s not much left to say, as some history is so complicated, it’s better to leave it until a child is old enough to understand all the factors and motives involved. One of my favorite history books is Paul Revere’s Ride, by David Hackett Fisher. Make history come to life—the books written for older kids, adults, books like the Little House series, Foster’s books; read real non-fiction history books! Read about people from history. My kids read all over, not necessarily in chronological, historical order but they did put history together themselves and figured it out. Take advantage of the teachable moment. When they want to know something…is the best time to tell them.

I forgot to mention that with math, I always corrected wrong answers.

I gave the kids lots of freedom to study what interested them. I didn’t use a scope and sequence. You might say, but what if they miss something they need to learn? Well, don’t YOU have ‘gaps’ in your learning even though you went to public school? Get serious...

In summary: Talk and pray with your husband about your children’s education, dig in with your whole heart and take one day at a time. Wondering how it will all work out? Trust…“God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.” (Phil 4:19)--as you step out in faith. Matt 6:33 “But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.” Phil 4:13 “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.”

Evenings with Victoria - Session 6

2010-04-08T18:36:00.000-04:00

Evenings with Victoria Botkin - Session 6 - Thoughts on Beauty

(notes taken by Beth Braun)

This is a complicated and controversial topic: what is the appropriate way for a Christian woman to look, and put herself together, as in what should she wear for make-up, jewelry, or clothing? Well, what does the Bible say about this issue should be our answer…how should a woman adorn herself?

Beauty is an attribute of God that we should desire to reflect in ourselves. The Bible has a lot to say about beauty. Psalm 90:17 “And let the beauty of the LORD our God be upon us: and establish thou the work of our hands upon us; yea, the work of our hands establish thou it.” God created beauty with an intention. It is cultivated in so many ways.

For example, there is a command to beautify Aaron. Exodus 28:2 “And you shall make holy garments for Aaron your brother, for glory and for beauty.”

In this passage, God Himself beautified Israel; He adorned and made her beautiful. Ezek 16:9-15 “Then I bathed you with water and washed off your blood from you and anointed you with oil. I clothed you also with embroidered cloth and shod you with fine leather. I wrapped you in fine linen and covered you with silk. And I adorned you with ornaments and put bracelets on your wrists and a chain on your neck. And I put a ring on your nose and earrings in your ears and a beautiful crown on your head. Thus you were adorned with gold and silver, and your clothing was of fine linen and silk and embroidered cloth. You ate fine flour and honey and oil. You grew exceedingly beautiful and advanced to royalty. And your renown went forth among the nations because of your beauty, for it was perfect through the splendor that I had bestowed on you, declares the Lord GOD. But you trusted in your beauty and played the harlot because of your renown and lavished your harlotry on any passerby; your beauty became his.” Note the contrast between God’s design for beauty and the contrary, selfish design later expressed in these verses. We see beauty is not bad: it is perfected and cultivated by God. However she used God’s gifts to her to attract other men to her. Her beauty then became disgusting to God and He judged her by taking away her beauty.

Look at these verses in Isaiah 3:16-24 “The LORD said: Because the daughters of Zion are haughty and walk with outstretched necks, glancing wantonly with their eyes, mincing along as they go, tinkling with their feet, therefore the Lord will strike with a scab the heads of the daughters of Zion, and the LORD will lay bare their secret parts. In that day the Lord will take away the finery of the anklets, the headbands, and the crescents; the pendants, the bracelets, and the scarves; the headdresses, the armlets, the sashes, the perfume boxes, and the amulets; the signet rings and nose rings; the festal robes, the mantles, the cloaks, and the handbags; the mirrors, the linen garments, the turbans, and the veils. Instead of perfume there will be rottenness; and instead of a belt, a rope; and instead of well-set hair, baldness; and instead of a rich robe, a skirt of sackcloth; and branding instead of beauty.” The Lord said He would take away her beauty and replace it because of her vanity about it, her haughtiness. Beauty is a blessing, we see, while ugliness is a curse.

Look at this verse--Jer 4:30 “And you, O desolate one, what do you mean that you dress in scarlet, that you adorn yourself with ornaments of gold, that you enlarge your eyes with paint? In vain you beautify yourself. Your lovers despise you; they seek your life.” We see this woman was dressed in scarlet, yet we also see in proverbs 31 that the woman was also clothed in scarlet and other fine things. We see that depending on the context, in the right context it’s OK, but not when it’s used in a bad way.

1Pe 3:3-4 “Your adornment must not be merely external-- braiding the hair and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses--but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious.” These verses aren’t saying external beauty is bad. ‘Merely’ implies you should not be beautify yourself ONLY externally, but also seek to internally. Historically beauty has been recognized and admired outwardly. Today with influences such as the hippies, the women’s right movement, it seems women don’t wish to adorn themselves so as to be beautiful. Look at today’s models; it seems they LIKE to look sickly. But men like pretty women! 50 years ago women knew this and responded accordingly but not today! It seems anger and bitterness toward men by reacting towards femininity shows in how women appear.

According to a recent poll, these are the traits men find attractive in women: 1). smile/cheerfulness, 2). a feminine and delicate nature (delicate, soft, kind-hearted, caring, but not weak or insecure--feminine, confident, and carrying herself with grace,) and 3). a nice voice--feminine and soft (not extremely high pitched, shrill.) You know, some women are at war with God and at war with their own femininity.

Some Christian women, though, make the mistake of trying to show they are ‘being unworldly’ yet by neglecting their appearance to show they are focusing on ‘most important things’ it makes me think of these verses: Matt 6:16-18 "And when you fast, do not look gloomy like the hypocrites, for they disfigure their faces that their fasting may be seen by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward. But when you fast, anoint your head and wash your face, (in other words, groom yourselves, as usual!) that your fasting may not be seen by others but by your Father who is in
secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you.” Now I’m not talking about those crazy days we all have, but about women who DO have the time and just don’t bother trying to be attractive. Are they just trying to communicate some sort of super-spiritual selflessness? Look at Mephibosheth in 2 Sam 19:24 “And Mephibosheth the son of Saul came down to meet the king. He had neither taken care of his feet nor trimmed his beard nor washed his clothes, from the day the king departed until the day he came back in safety.” One commentary I consulted on this acknowledged the he was sincerely mourning the king’s departure, so his appearance was recorded. However this is an exception. Good grooming was a part of daily life in the Bible.

Perhaps it’s things like these, laziness, pietistic outlook, or bitterness toward your husband that can hamper your making yourself look attractive. Some women are nervous about trying to make themselves look more attractive because they think it seems worldly. No, this is not the case. The real issue is how we use beauty. This misunderstanding of the real issue stems from pietistic, Gnostic thinking. We have created a false separation in our minds between the secular and the sacred, the “spiritual” and the “worldly.” Set apart” doesn’t mean you just diverge from the world’s ways, being salt and light doesn’t mean you’re just being contrary just to be different. But we have a higher standard to be better: to disciple the world. Simply avoiding the world is not our calling...we are supposed to be discipling it.

The world has no right to own beauty. The world did not create beauty. God created beauty. God offers beautification. We aren’t leading in this area of beauty but rather are letting the world have it. Don’t just mindlessly conform to any trend out there, say Hannah Montana…or the frumpy jumper fashion. This is an important way we can love our husband: by trying to look nice--well-kempt and well-dressed--according to his wishes and convictions.

Here’s a question. Why can’t men just recognize our kindness, faithful hearts, and service to family—why not just these? Why do men place such importance on womanly beauty? Well, beautiful women are recognized and acknowledged all throughout Scripture, like Sarah, Rebekah, Rachel, Esther, etc.—all these women commended for their beauty. Beauty was part of Job’s blessing from God on his daughters. Job 42:15 “And in all the land were no women found so fair as the daughters of Job…” The Bible makes it clear that man’s appreciation of womanly beauty is legitimate.

Men are more likely to recognize beauty in women. If a woman looks relaxed, happy, makes an effort to look well-groomed, men will probably say she pretty. Here’s a quote, "…most men only visualize a woman's smile when they think about her." A poll found that when men looked at two photos of women, 66% of the men found the photo of the woman smiling, more attractive than the photo of the same woman wearing makeup, but not smiling. 60% of the men said that women, when not smiling, looked moody, disinterested, or hostile. A smile ranks by far the highest in "the first thing you look for in a woman." The main thing that makes a woman pretty is the pleasant expression, the happy, friendly, eager-to-please expression on the faces. It’s more important than the other things. You’re not doing it to glorify yourself or seek attention. The pursuit of beauty as a thing for themselves is the world’s perspective. Attracting the entire room’s attention is not our goal. It’s for others: for their sake we seek to look attractive; it’s a Christian goal. Looking attractive is something we do to please our husbands and families and others.

If a young woman has no self-discipline in this area when she’s single, how will they look later when they are older and the busy mothers of many young children? I remember in the Little House books… When Mary was going blind, and her mother sewing her ‘best dress’, Mary asked if she looked well. Her mother’s response: “No matter where you go, you will be a pleasure to every eye that sees you.” This was the object for the mother and daughter: it was just to give pleasure to eyes of others, not for themselves.

1Cor 6:19 “Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.” We are to glorify God in our bodies.

I looked up all these verses about beauty for women and these two main words stuck out: yawpheh and tobe. Yawpheh means ‘beautiful, fair, pleasant, well, goodly.’ Tobe means ‘good, cheerful, at ease, loving, merry, pleasant.’ Beauty for women by definition is more than bone structure and features. It’s an amazing truth, 1 Cor 6:19-20 our bodies are not our own…

Think about this:1 Cor 3:16 “Do you not know that you are God's temple and that God's Spirit dwells in you? If anyone destroys God's temple, God will destroy him. For God's temple is holy, and you are that temple.” We should maintain our bodies in honor through diet and exercise and some degree of beautification. Neglect and poor stewardship are not appropriate ways to honor God with our bodies.

Now, let’s address jewelry. Some denominations frown on it as do some Christians. Well, how’s the Bible view jewelry? Look at these verses. Gen 24:22 “When the camels had finished drinking, the man took a gold ring weighing a half shekel, and two bracelets for her arms weighing ten gold shekels…” Gen 24:52-53 “When Abraham's servant heard their words, he bowed himself to the earth before the LORD. And the servant brought out jewelry of silver and of gold, and garments, and gave them to Rebekah. He also gave to her brother and to her mother costly ornaments.” Interesting how Rebekah was adorned with jewel as an acceptable ornamentation--and a bride price. And jewelry also was given to her brother and mother.

What does God do in Eze 16:11-13? “And I adorned you with ornaments and put bracelets on your wrists and a chain on your neck. And I put a ring on your nose and earrings in your ears and a beautiful crown on your head. Thus you were adorned with gold and silver.” Again we see in God’s Word an adorning with gold and silver. If jewelry was forbidden, why would Lord himself give these items and adorn her?

1Pe 3:3 “Your adornment must not be MERELY external--braiding the hair and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses—but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious.” These verses are stressing that beauty is not to be just external. This is the principle: not merely external. It should not be the most important thing about us.

How about make-up? Jer 4:30 “And you, O desolate one, what do you mean that you dress in scarlet, that you adorn yourself with ornaments of gold, that you enlarge your eyes with paint? In vain you beautify yourself. Your lovers despise you; they seek your life.” Along with clothes and jewelry it’s considered a beautification routine. The Bible doesn’t specifically say to use or not use make-up. Anointing the skin with oil is in there as an acceptable thing.

I would say make-up is OK. The same principles apply to our use of make-up which we use for clothing and jewelry--modesty, discretion, taste, orderliness, and gender distinction. It’s not to be an over-glorification or a ‘return to the natural state’ thing either. The Christian mindset is that the natural man and the natural world need to be civilized, sanctified, refined, cultivated, built up, polished, reformed, advanced, developed, and taken dominion of. Strive to look natural, just not painted or artificial. The wise way to apply makeup is so that most people won’t notice that you are wearing it. The goal is not to draw all eyes to you by wearing it. Is purple eyelid color natural-looking?

I was a granola-eating college student when got married and had to learn to wear make-up and jewelry, nylons and pumps. I thought, this is so not me! But I did it for my husband. For example, when we moved to hot San Antonio, all the women wore open toe shoes, and…everyone painted their toenails. I didn’t want to—it’s so not me--but it was a mental hurdle I needed to overcome. I stuck to my closed toe shoes…but finally… I learned something from our heifer who decided she didn’t want to be leashed…but she wanted to enjoy that lush green grass over yonder. Finally when she learned to submit to that leash, she was led out to that wonderful green grassy field to graze on that she had been missing out on. So I began to change my shoes…and paint my toenails…to fit in. Instead of being proud of who we are…we should be proud of Christ’s ability to enable us to do all things! Even things we never, ever thought we would see ourselves do. Phil 4:13 “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.”

Let’s talk about hair. 1Co 11:14-15 “Does not nature itself teach you that if a man wears long hair it is a disgrace for him, but if a woman has long hair, it is her glory? For her hair is given to her for a covering.” How long is long? We can see a principle in Deut 22:5 "A woman shall not wear a man's garment, nor shall a man put on a woman's cloak, for whoever does these things is an abomination to the LORD your God.” The immediate design of this prohibition was to maintain the sanctity of that distinction of the sexes which was established by the creation of man and woman. The principle we find in this verse is that it is God’s will for women that they look like women--not just in clothes but all things. God’s will for women is that they look like women, like men should look like men. We should delight in these distinctions. In all things, do just what does your husband likes, don’t worry about what your hair stylist, church women, mom think about what color, style to fix etc.

1 Cor 11:7 “For a man ought not to cover his head, since he is the image and glory of God, but woman is the glory of man.” Woman is the glory of man. Prov 12:4 “An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones.” Remember the principle of distinction between the sexes. Motives are an important part of what you: are you doing what you’re doing to seduce men or gain power over them, call attention to yourself, gain wealth, glorify yourself? The right desire is to glorify, and be the crown of your husband in beauty, honor, purity, holiness.

Another principle: modesty. Gen 3:7 “Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked. And they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loincloths.” Gen 3:21 “And the LORD God made for Adam and for his wife garments of skins and clothed them.” Gen 9:22-23 “And Ham, the father of Canaan, saw the nakedness of his father and told his two brothers outside. Then Shem and Japheth took a garment, laid it on both their shoulders, and walked backward and covered the nakedness of their father. Their faces were turned backward, and they did not see their father's nakedness.” Exposing your nakedness is obviously displeasing to the Lord. There are many commandments concerning nakedness.

Modesty can also mean something closely linked to propriety. 1 Tim 2:9 “likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, but with what is proper for women who profess godliness--with good works.” Calvin’s commentary cites… moderation. (I looked up a link to Calvin’s commentary on this passage, if you’re interested, as I couldn’t type fast enough to get the long quote from it: http://www.truecovenanter.com/calvin/calvin_17_on_Timothy.html ) To assign a limit is hard. Another commentary concerning modesty notes that you don’t come in rags but in decent raiment. For example, they washed their clothes before appearing before Lord at Mt. Sinai. (Ex 19:10)

Prov 31:22 “…her clothing is fine linen and purple.” A certain degree of beauty and adornment is appropriate, for example age-appropriate clothing. What about ambassadorship? 2 Cor5:20 “Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God.” What does being an ambassador as a Christian imply?

1Cor 9:19-23 “For though I am free from all, I have made myself a servant to all, that I might win more of them. To the Jews I became as a Jew, in order to win Jews. To those under the law I became as one under the law (though not being myself under the law) that I might win those under the law. To those outside the law I became as one outside the law (not being outside the law of God but under the law of Christ) that I might win those outside the law. To the weak I became weak, that I might win the weak. I have become all things to all people, that by all means I might save some. I do it all for the sake of the gospel, that I may share with them in its blessings.” To win more become all things to all men…which means you may have to adjust your clothes, like if you move to a different area or your husband’s station in life changes or we simply grow up. However, we may never lay aside the Scriptural principles of distinction between the sexes and modesty. And we may never use these verses to justify compromising other principles simply so we can selfishly follow worldly styles and trends. It doesn’t mean we imitate the world to ‘win them’! So often the reverse happens to the younger Christian—the world wins them!

We may need to change the way we dress to be more effective ambassadors for Christ. We may need to die to self. We are to be different from world. 1Cor 6:19 “Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.”

How about wearing pants for women… We need to train ourselves to always approach every question or controversy from a Scriptural foundation. This is not addressed in the Bible. Selfish women will grudgingly seek the Word to find loophole for themselves… Because scripture does not address pants or slacks specifically, we must find the principles that address this garment and what is communicated when we choose to wear pants or not wear pants. Here’s what we have to go on: 1). the principles of distinction between the sexes, 2). the modesty issue, and 3). the issue that the actions of the Christian are never neutral.

Look, even dresses are not always modest. For me, I have decided to forego wearing pants in this feminist culture to help rebuild biblical foundations, as a statement to address the blurring of the distinction between the sexes in this culture. We should want to be part of the process of rebuilding biblical foundations of culture look at it as being part of a ‘resistance movement’. Isn’t that exciting? Our response to the blurring of the distinctions between the sexes in our culture is to be as distinctive as we can… as lady-like as we can. Our culture is a mess…we have the opportunity in our own homes and wardrobes to clean it up and create what WE think culture SHOULD look like.

So, what should we look like? God’s standard is beauty not ugliness. What message should we send to the culture? We have the opportunity to show God's standards to be as beautiful as they really are…to make modesty look beautiful instead of ugly…to make femininity look radiant instead of quaint, or dowdy, or restrictive. Prov 11:22 “Like a gold ring in a pig's snout is a beautiful woman without discretion.” Discretion is taste or judgment. You can be unappealing though you may be beautiful.

You should talk to your husband about these things and submit your will to his. You shouldn’t just think this is your jurisdiction alone, not his. Eph 5:24 “Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.” Follow your husband’s leadership in these areas, not today’s trends, even if other women you admire or are discipling you do differently…do what your husband wants you to do!

Psa 29:11 “May the LORD give strength to his people! May the LORD bless his people with peace!”

Evenings with Victoria - Session 5

2010-04-08T18:32:00.000-04:00

Evenings with Victoria Botkin - Session 5 - How to help your husband love you!

(notes taken by Beth Braun)

Tidbit: This day in 1975 Victoria became a believer. Ephesians 2:1-10

If any wisdom you are getting from her, any help—it’s all from Him—give glory to God in the highest!

Question: Do you think that older daughters are to remain in the home until they marry? Where do you see the biblical directive for that?

Answer: Since I’ve been asked this question, I’d like to ask one myself: Where do you see that an unmarried daughter IS to leave home in Bible? Are there any examples of that? What you see in the Bible is that unmarried daughters DO stay home normally--except for one: Dinah. It’s not a good example. There is Esther, but she was taken forcefully from her home. You just don’t see unmarried daughters leaving home as the Biblical example. So, why should we deviate from the absolutely clear pattern in Scripture of daughters staying at home until marriage -without a biblical directive?

Question: I really like Facebook. It has been a great way to find old friends and communicate with people. Do you think that spending time on Facebook is the same thing as being an idle busybody?

Answer: How do you use it? Like so many things, consider it a tool to use for good…or harm. Facebook can be used to make disciples, encourage people, used for good purposes, or… it can be a snare for some, addictive. It depends on how you use it. If you need guidance, ask your husband what he thinks about your use of it.

Question: I wondered what your thoughts are on the subject of men being kind nurturing fathers. It seems most women want their husbands to be this kind of “dad”: one who takes his daughter on daddy-daughter dates, uses endearing terms like “princess”, hugs them, tells them how wonderful they are, goes on walks together, just to talk. It seems like this is rare! Men just don’t seem to be built this way, and this can cause contention when the wife is pushing this, and they are resisting…and it never results in a building time with father-child. I wonder how much of this image is right, or realistic, and how much has been created by our current culture and is damaging? Do you see examples of fathers doing things like these in scripture?

Answer: In Scripture: are fathers Scripturally to take on father-daughter things? Well, they are instructed to protect, provide, and teach them to fear the Word. Respect your husband to be who Lord wants Him to be—not what others think he should be like. If he wants to do ‘those things’ like you’ve mentioned, OK, but let it be his decision. Scripture has not provided any concrete formulas for how to be the ideal father. Think: Should daughters be the focus of his attention or…should you, the mother have your daughter focus her attention on her dad? This is more normal: for her to have a relationship with her Dad. Mothers should encourage their daughters to do things with their fathers: hanging around with her dad would certainly give a daughter a better picture of normal life, and her role in it, and of her father’s life.

It is a contemporary culture thing: the daughter as a princess. “Daddy’s little princess” role playing, on the part of a father, is a poor excuse for nurturing. This is a self-absorbed notion: your Dad’s little princess, you’re special, you need to feel good about yourself… Our children need to be raised to see
themselves as servants of one another, and servants of the living God, and should be taught that life is a battle ground, and not a playground. Princesses culturally, when I studied this historically… Historically, a princess was just about the last thing you would want to be. Princesses were the property of the state, and were used as pawns. The bad ones grew up thinking their position as royalty entitled them to be selfish. The good princesses grew up understanding that they existed for the good of their subjects…and that they ruled by the consent of their subjects. They knew they did not belong to themselves.

Question: My husband is making me work outside the home, when I believe my most important job is at home in raising my 3 little children, and it breaks my heart to leave them every day. How can I make my husband see this wisdom, or is there nothing I can do except pray for God to change his heart? This has been going on for 5 years now. I submit to his authority, when he tells me that I have to work and help him in this way, but I just don’t know. Is my heart mistaken?

A: What you can do if pray God changes his heart. Statistics show that a wife working outside the home… after subtracting the costs of childcare, the wife’s work wardrobe, a second car and gas and insurance for it and higher taxes, etc., the wife’s work often doesn’t really bring in enough income to make it worthwhile. Your standard of living…real, biblical living…would be much higher if you were living in a small house with only one car, but were able to stay at home with your children. (Deuteronomy 6 says…) Clear pattern is to be…obedient to the Word. It involves sacrifices to be obedient to the Word but the rewards are great. You can suggest this if he’s willing to talk. Tell him you are will to make the sacrifices—but remember to be respectful and submissive.

Question: How would you handle visits with family who are not believers? In fact they are avid God haters with children who are defiled. Do you not visit at all? Or do you visit and attempt to keep our children from being defiled?

Answer: If relatives…well, you have a greater responsibility to your kids than your natural family. There are other things you can do, like call them, or write them. You can still show love---do it in ways that don’t involve direct contact if they show no signs of repentance. Entertain unbelieving family, neighbors, and acquaintances who you are trying to reach out to, at your own house...if they give you reason to believe they may come to Lord. Being on your own territory is a huge plus. At your house you can control your visitors’ behavior and what happens in house. All visitors must obey the rules of the house, the same as your family do. You can feel perfectly free to kindly correct another person’s child, in your own home, if his parent is not doing it--but be gracious kind, friendly, not mad or bent out of shape. Be extremely hospitable so they can’t be offended by any ‘correcting’ of behavior…

Question: I home school my children and am with them for the entire day, but I am quite unsure of how much free time to allow them… the amount of time they should be spending by themselves playing outside, reading alone, playing with friends… My children seem to fight me on not wanting to work with me around the house and do things together. They want to do whatever they want to do. I want for us to enjoy our time together, regardless of whether we are folding laundry or reading a book or doing schoolwork. Am I doing something wrong or is this normal? I want them to use their time productively although I know that free time to play and explore is also important. What types of things do you feel are productive and acceptable for free time. Are there subtle ways to win their hearts and draw them into doing things together joyfully?

Answer: What do you think is productive? Are your hearts together in these things? Discipling, having friends, free time, productive time: these are great questions, like four in one, so let’s talk about this specially in a few weeks…so we can get to the main topic of tonight’s discussion:
We were created to help husbands…obey the commands of Scripture. Tonight we’re going to talk about how we can help our husbands to love…us. It’s a loving and wise and smart thing, to help your husband love you…by being someone who is easy to love.

The idea that I’ll respect him if he…well, there’s no conditions in the Bible attached to our duty to respect him. We are commanded to respect our husbands by God. As also there are no conditions attached to the command to him to love us.

So…how can you make yourself lovable to help him love you? There are many ways. For example, your looks, such as your hair, make-up, jewelry; we’ll discuss this aspect next week. Or your speech, your voice, how you say things. A very important one is your personality, which we’ll discuss tonight.

Personality or the kind of person you are is due to your outlook on life. Here’s an example of what I mean by your personality and how it affects your marriage:

A woman came to me seeking counsel, but it just seemed she was seeking to get me to commiserate with her. Her husband was a doctor, and she was jealous of his time he spent at work, bitter he worked so much…and afraid he’d, well, run off with one of those pretty nurses he worked with. It seemed like a Greek tragedy tale. Her marriage is fine she said, she has a good marriage. However because of her worries and anxiety and jealousy, and her nagging and scolding and suspicious questioning…she just may make the thing she is afraid of happen. By her own personality…This is one of the ways we can tear down our house with our own hands: by being a person who is unpleasant to be around. She never had a reason to be alarmed by any of his behavior she said, but she still constantly worried. He was a doctor and those nurses helping him… Men do get attached to the women who are helpers to them. But she needs to just believe in him. Take action to keep his heart. It’s a very loving thing for a wife to help her husband resist the temptations of other women by being loving and lovable herself. She wasn’t competing with the nurses by complaining at him all the time when he came home, but one way to ‘compete’ with them is when he is home, she should be warm and welcoming to him—waiting at the door with outstretched arms. She should be a ready listener. If he wants to talk about work when he gets home, fine, listen. She should not meet him at the door with complaints about the childrens misbehavior, or complaints about how he’s never home, but with loving kind words, with affection, and with physical comforts…make him feel loved by her. In short, she has to be more attractive than the nurses. The young nurses’ admiration, respect, support and sympathy are their biggest attraction to him, not their outward appearance. Show him you appreciate all his hard work—for you. She CAN outdo the nurses by her respect and support for her husband so SHE is the person he wants most to be around. A person who is obedient to Scripture and full of faith, love, hope and joy…is going to be easy to love.

So what are some of the other qualities in women that men appreciate?

One of the qualities men like in women is respect. Respect. We are commanded to give it. Whereas love is our vulnerable spot, mens is that they need respect. Eph 5:33—“…let the wife see to it that she respects her husband.” See to it--I say it and I mean business—disrespect and scorn can ruin a man for service. Even if he’s NOT a Christian. We have a lot of leverage to either build him up or tear down. A man’s need for respect makes him vulnerable. Here’s a story from the Bible:

2 Samuel 6:14-23 “And David danced before the LORD with all his might. And David was wearing a linen ephod. So David and all the house of Israel brought up the ark of the LORD with shouting and with the sound of the horn. As the ark of the LORD came into the city of David, Michal the daughter of Saul looked out of the window and saw King David leaping and dancing before the LORD, and she despised him in her heart…Then all the people departed, each to his house. And David returned to bless his household. But Michal the daughter of Saul came out to meet David and said, "How the king of Israel honored himself today, uncovering himself today before the eyes of his servants' female servants, as one of the vulgar fellows shamelessly uncovers himself!" And David said to Michal, "It was before the LORD, who chose me above your father and above all his house, to appoint me as prince over
Israel, the people of the LORD--and I will make merry before the LORD. I will make myself yet more contemptible than this, and I will be abased in your eyes. But by the female servants of whom you have spoken, by them I shall be held in honor." And Michal the daughter of Saul had no child to the day of her death.” We see here David dancing before the Lord, but Michal sees him and despises him. David returns to bless his house, but Michal scornfully greets him. Michal despised her husband and openly expressed her scorn: God punished her with barrenness and you never hear of her having any children whether by David and her other husband. David points out the servants WOULD honor him. Do you act this way (—even if he is acting disrespectful is no excuse)? It’s God’s decree he is over us! Or…Do you ever despise your husband…just in your heart? Remember, it’s God you are disobeying, and it’s HIS instruction you are despising, if you let yourself despise your husband in your heart. HE has told us to respect the husband that he has placed over us.

Question: I hear all the time respect and support your husband but in application I am struggling. I was not raised to do this for any authority. So what would you recommend how to find out how to do this?

Answer: We live in a culture of disrespect, where everything’s in your face, flippant, irreverent. Look at this story in the Bible:

1 Samuel 24:4-10 “And the men of David said to him, "Here is the day of which the LORD said to you, 'Behold, I will give your enemy into your hand, and you shall do to him as it shall seem good to you.'" Then David arose and stealthily cut off a corner of Saul's robe. And afterward David's heart struck him, because he had cut off a corner of Saul's robe. He said to his men, "The LORD forbid that I should do this thing to my lord, the LORD's anointed, to put out my hand against him, seeing he is the LORD's anointed." So David persuaded his men with these words and did not permit them to attack Saul. And Saul rose up and left the cave and went on his way. Afterward David also arose and went out of the cave, and called after Saul, "My lord the king!" And when Saul looked behind him, David bowed with his face to the earth and paid homage. And David said to Saul, "Why do you listen to the words of men who say, 'Behold, David seeks your harm'? Behold, this day your eyes have seen how the LORD gave you today into my hand in the cave. And some told me to kill you, but I spared you. I said, 'I will not put out my hand against my lord, for he is the LORD's anointed.'” The principle is this: Saul was being evil, attempting to murder David…but because of Saul’s position of authority, not only did David refuse to kill him, but David paid him respect and gave him homage because he was God’s anointed. David didn’t submit to Saul’s attempt to physically abuse him but David still respected him. So with our husbands: God has told us to respect them.

Another example of respect is when Sarah obeyed Abraham and called him lord.

Look at the respectful example of Abigail toward David—1 Samuel 25:23-24 “When Abigail saw David, she hurried and got down from the donkey and fell before David on her face and bowed to the ground. She fell at his feet and said, "On me alone, my lord, be the guilt. Please let your servant speak in your ears, and hear the words of your servant….”Again and again we see in the Old Testament how full of respect it was. Falling down, bowing—now I’m not saying do this, but respect and reverence were a huge part of the Biblical culture. They are not part of ours today! Ask the Lord to help you learn what respect is as you read more of the Old Testament. Respect and honor all men throughout the Bible but not in today’s world. How we respect God’s authority is shown by how we respect others. Every human creature is worthy of respect and honor, because we are all created by God… in His image. Your husband was created by God, and lives and moves and breathes by God’s design. He belongs to God--obedient or not--and he is God’s creature, so he deserves respect for that. In God’s chain of command, he has been put over you, so respect him.

So, how can we show respect? Do ordinary polite things to him, such as greeting when he comes home or gets up in the morning… 1 Timothy 2:11 “Let a woman quietly receive instruction with entire submissiveness.” Don’t despise him in your heart or grumble against him—or let your kids disrespect their father but teach them to serve him. You are trying to restructure your thinking around making him happy, making him comfortable, making his life easier. I know some listening are going to be rolling their eyes, or gnashing their teeth at this, but it is what the Bible says. Think of someone you really respect, and then think of how you would act, and treat that person, if he or she came to your home—and then do it for your husband. It’s not totally weird to think that way of your husband though the culture deems it so. We’ve been discipled by the world, not by the Word of God. (So we need our minds renewed.)

What else do men like, besides respect? Men like gratitude, such as for all the hard work of providing for his family. Thank him for it. Find things about him you appreciate—and all husbands have things to appreciate—and tell him. Tell your husband the things about him that you like, little things, too. Like the way he laughs, reads the Bible to the kids, carries in the groceries, etc. We have a bad habit of taking him for granted. And be sure to thank God for your husband…that will help you learn to appreciate him. We’re like cups: if what’s in your heart is bitter, that will spill over; if we’re full of gratitude, then that is what will come out from us. You should overflow with gratitude to God for all his goodness to you!

Men like cheerfulness. If they see pictures of 2 women: one not smiling but prettily made-up and the other smiling…they are most interested in the smiling one. Phil 4:4 says, “Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice.” And there are dozens of other places, many of them in psalms, where we are commanded to rejoice.

Here are some interesting verses to ponder. Deut 28:45-48 "All these curses shall come upon you and pursue you and overtake you till you are destroyed, because you did not obey the voice of the LORD your God, to keep his commandments and his statutes that he commanded you. They shall be a sign and a wonder against you and your offspring forever. Because you did not serve the LORD your God with joyfulness and gladness of heart, because of the abundance of all things, therefore you shall serve your enemies whom the LORD will send against you, in hunger and thirst, in nakedness, and lacking everything. And he will put a yoke of iron on your neck until he has destroyed you.” They had abundance but did not serve the Lord with gladness for it. How can we say things are hard? We need to search the Scriptures for promises and believe God for them. Stand firm in the faith. Faith is not a static thing… it’s an active thing…it’s a thing we can work at. 2 Peter 1:5—“giving all diligence, add to your faith…” Sometimes it’s work to believe God, so work at it! When things are hard, and we are waiting to see our prayers answered…when we are waiting to see the deliverance of God…we have to work to believe. Like when David was at Ziklag, it was hard on him: 1 Samuel 30:6 “And David was greatly distressed, for the people spoke of stoning him, because all the people were bitter in soul, each for his sons and daughters. But David strengthened himself in the LORD his God.” Just say no to doubts for we know that all things work together to good for those who love God. I refuse to feel sorry for myself…

Another thing that makes us attractive and lovable is praise. Psalm 33:1 “Sing for joy in the Lord, O you righteous ones, praise is becoming to the upright.” Praise is becoming; criticism unbecoming. Be quick to praise people…and one of the most becoming things is when you praise your husband. Praise is not flattery, not insincerity. Don’t make things up, but there are plenty of things to be thankful for!

Another thing that is attractive is enthusiasm. By enthusiasm, I mean wholeheartedness, doing things with your whole heart. Deut 4:29 “… you will seek the LORD your God and you will find him, if you search after him with all your heart and with all your soul.” 2 Chr. 6:14 …"O LORD, God of Israel, there is no God like you, in heaven or on earth, keeping covenant and showing steadfast love to your servants who walk before you with all their heart…” Prov 3:5 “Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.” Col 3:23 “Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men.” Contrast this with--Rev 3:16 “So, because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth.” God wants whole-heartedness when we do things for Him. Our popular culture of boredom, who cares, what’s the big deal…well, the Lord’s servant should have zeal to pursue Him!

Another quality that makes us attractive is being sympathetic. 1 Peter 3:8 “…let all be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kind-hearted, humble in spirit, not returning evil for evil, or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead.” Phil 2:1-2 “So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind.” Romans 12:15 “Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.” 1Thess 5:14 “And we urge you, brothers, admonish the idle, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all.” We should sympathize with people who have difficulties.

The next thing that can make us lovable or unlovable is our voice, and our words. There are tons of verses supporting this. Prov 18:21 “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.” Words are the most important things on earth, what words cause. Ours is a word-based faith. God made the world with a word. Psa 33:6-9 “By the word of the LORD the heavens were made, and by the breath of his mouth all their host. He gathers the waters of the sea as a heap; he puts the deeps in storehouses. Let all the earth fear the LORD; let all the inhabitants of the world stand in awe of him! For he spoke, and it came to be; he commanded, and it stood firm.” The power of God’s Word is amazing! Heb 1:3 “Who being the brightness of his glory, and the express image of his person, and upholding all things by the word of his power.” Jesus is described as the Word become flesh.

We will be call to give account for our words. James 3:2-10 “We all stumble in many ways. And if anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle his whole body. If we put bits into the mouths of horses so that they obey us, we guide their whole bodies as well. Look at the ships also: though they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are guided by a very small rudder wherever the will of the pilot directs. So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things. How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire! And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell. For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so.”

There are dozens of passages in Proverbs about this aspect, such as:
Prov 15:4 A gentle tongue is a tree of life…
Prov 12:18 …the tongue of the wise brings healing.
Prov 25:15 With patience a ruler may be persuaded, and a soft tongue will break a bone.
Prov 10:21 The lips of the righteous feed many…
Prov 12:19 Truthful lips endure forever…
Prov 14:3 …the lips of the wise will preserve them.
Prov 15:7 The lips of the wise spread knowledge…
Prov 20:15 …the lips of knowledge are a precious jewel.

Finally, Eph 4:29 “Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.” We are striving to be godly women and it’s clear how our words should be…words of life… we can be reproving but gently. We need to bathe our minds in THE Word. Also, what is our tone of voice? This is important, too. Reading aloud is extremely helpful for training your voice; since you are not having to think of what you are going to say, you can focus on how your voice sounds.

Another important way to be lovable is by our deeds what we do for our family, our service to them. You can be lovable by thoughtful things you might do for your husband. Do extra things for him…look for things he needs, do little things that make him feel loved. American women pamper their pets more than they pamper their husbands…and our divorce rates show it! If it makes you squirm to think of ‘pampering’ him…bitterness, pride, turning over a new leaf and having to change, these things can prevent this. You may be saying to yourself…but that’s just not ME! Well, just start doing it and then you ARE that way!

As Christians, we need always to be changing, always to be growing, as Paul said. As it says in John 3:30, “He must increase, but I must decrease." We need to be becoming a new person more and more…more loving, cheerful, in the faith, etc. We must decrease HE must increase, so die to yourself and obey Scripture!

2Co 13:11 “Finally…rejoice. Be made complete, comfort one another, be like-minded, live in peace; and may the God of love and peace be with you.”

Evenings with Victoria - Session 4

2010-04-08T18:25:00.000-04:00

Evenings with Victoria Botkin - Session 4 - Love

(notes taken by Beth Braun)

Let’s begin with some questions that have been asked…

Question: What if your husband doesn't have vision?

Answer: All husbands do have vision—but what is it? (You do need to know it to help him.) All men have been discipled by the world but Christian men are trying to have their minds renewed. To best help him at whatever stage he’s at, and all men are at different stages in their walks: pray! There are two ways you can pray: 1. Pray fervently that God inspires your husband with the right vision for your family and 2. Pray for the grace to support your husband with his current vision, and then try to find out all you can about what it is. Ask questions along this line: I’m learning a lot about how I can support you, so how can I pray for you intelligently about your vision for the family? So you can help him implement his vision.

Question: If Biblical femininity is about helping your husband, what about biblical femininity for young, unmarried women?

Answer: Woman helping man is what it’s about—being a confidante, help, friend. Especially in a marriage, you should be this way. Our goal for daughters is to train them, both in their attitude toward their father and their brothers and their future husband, and to equip them with useful skills, to be able to help their future husbands. The goal is more than just “housekeeping”; they can be a practical help like doing the bookkeeping for his business.

Question: “...sometimes the demands on me just seem like too much... (This woman has 11 children and has had a traumatic year due to a variety of very difficult circumstances.) Especially when my husband says that I do a terrible job running the house and home school. Should I quit schooling at home to keep a better run house?”

Answer: Hard year…seems like too much is happening… I’ve been there and done that. It should cause you to draw nearer to God. What does Psalm 55:22 say? “Cast your burden on the LORD, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved.” In the Hebrew, ‘cast’ means ‘to roll it off’. Yes, we don’t have the strength--to even throw our burden off, so we can only roll it off our shoulders—onto Him. If things seem like too much, ask your husband for ideas to help you. Eliminate extras (remember the streamlining tip last time), stick on getting the necessities done when the kids are little.

If you are asking, “Should I put my children in public school so that I can keep a better-run house?” the answer is NO! The housework is nothing in comparison to the value of the children. Don’t stop teaching your kids at home and put them back in public school! Deuteronomy 6 contains no mention of housework but it does mention your responsibility in educating your children. You will tear your house down if you send them off to public school! You will be guilty of a serious offense—before God—by letting the ungodly educate your children when God has command that YOU do it. It’s a sinful, spiritual abuse of them!

Maybe you’ll need to take some time off from “school” at home to prioritize things. When you have a house full of children, you can only stay on top of all the work with the help of your children. So train the kids to help with the housework. Training tip: First, you do the task, while he/she watches. Next, do it together. Finally, let him or her do it while you watch. If your child has it down, OK, but it doesn’t mean you don’t keep an eye out on the housework. Lavish praise and encouragement on them when they do things, tell them how it helps the family, that their contribution IS important, that they ARE important to the welfare of the family. Revamp your housecleaning plan. It’s an important part of education, too! ALL work counts as “school.” Training your children to do useful work is an important part of their education.

But really, the Bible does not command “school” for our children but it does command us to educate them. What your goals are for the children’s “school”...are you just trying to recreate a “school” environment? Don’t recreate a public school environment at home, do things the public school class way. One of the most important educational goals we should have is to teach our children to teach themselves. They can then learn things you don’t know yourself, that ‘you can’t possibly teach them because you don’t know it yourself.’ Do you know how many things my kids learned how to do that I don’t know anything about, simply because I taught them to learn for themselves? A child who can teach himself is prepared for life.

Older kids, like 13 and up can take charge of a lot of their own education. One of the best things you can do for your older children, educationally, is to have them help teach the younger ones. Thinking like this should help you be in better shape…

Question: I have been counseled by an older woman in our church to focus on being my husband’s help meet where he is struggling. Whatever it is that he is struggling in, then we are to consider that God gave him us to do the things he is not able to do. This seems different from the Biblical encouragement you are providing to “accept your situation and God’s control over it”. When should we step in and take on roles that our husband is failing in, or should we?

Answer: Circumstances you can step in and help him with are like if he needs help with his business, help him do his work or do the accounting for him. If your hands are full with just keeping the house and training the young kids, do that—it helps him too when you manage the home for him. (But don’t take a job under another man just to make money, that sort of help.)

Question, continued: You also ask, “Also, the other women at church tell me that I should have an “outside ministry”. I feel that I have enough going on in my home, just training my children and raising and homeschooling them. Where I live, “outside ministry” is touted as more spiritual, no matter what is happening with the children during that time. What is my best response to these ladies and how do I overcome those feelings of inadequacy in what I am doing?

Answer: Coupled with the above question, it sounds like you’re dealing with some Christian feminists. These type older women advising younger homeschooling mothers, I hear this often...These older women mean well, but they probably didn’t have any good, biblical teaching about the home, children, and marriage while they were growing up. That was what happened with their generation and now we’re trying to reclaim the biblical teachings now. Their suggestions are often completely unbiblical, but be respectful to them, honor them but don’t listen to any advice you know is unbiblical.

Question: I’m at a church where there is a continual stream of comments and barbs being injected into conversations concerning how we’re raising our kids...what we teach them or don’t teach them...that I don’t “work”...that I defer to my husband...”

Answer: Well, why go to a church like that? I know, you’re now saying, “but there’s no other one around.“ Well, is what you describe REALLY fellowship? Is this church equipping you, helping your kids and family with this sort of talk? Such churches are ruining wives and kids with these ‘friendships’. But don’t put ‘friends’ above what’s right for your family. I know some families desperate to have real fellowship that drive 2-3 hrs for it. The church should be to for the building up of the believers. But, if your husband wants to stay there, pray and submit but don’t let the ladies get you down. You may be able to help your husbands by directing them to www.ncfic.org (The National Center for Family-Integrated Churches.) Let your confidence be that you are trying to be pleasing to the Lord and your husband, not these women. Don’t let yourself be bullied but be polite, and say, excuse yourself and go talk to other women.

Question: I feel like I am correcting my little boys all day long. Telling them, “calm down” when their playing gets too lively, or “use an inside voice” when their voices get way too loud. “Don’t squirm in your seat at the table,” when it’s excessive and could cause spills, etc. They are 6 and almost 5. I know I need to let them be boys and I do try to let them play outside as much as possible. I want to teach them to have fun doing calm things, but everything seems to lead to boisterousness. Is this a process or is the fact that I’m still correcting a 6 year old an indication that I’m not training well? When does it become a discipline issue when they don’t do what we expect automatically? Is this just the nature of children their age? I just don’t know what to expect from them...”

Answer: Don’t be discouraged—they’re little still. God made boys rambunctious, active, noisy...they are little dominion men! Their testosterone levels are 10X that of a woman, and in the teens, like 3X that! That’s why they don’t function in “school” well. God didn’t create them for a school-type environment. But they aren’t to be allowed to be shrieking hooligans! The time for quiet is when you say so....you need to train them to obey you when you ask for quiet, and obey instantly. Just remember, they are not wired like ladies, so give them room to be boys. (Public schools have almost succeeded in making them ladies—but you should not try to!) Her kids did crazy things as little ones—with the windows…paint cans…but they’ve become godly men now, those noisy boys! They were just being boys... and that is a wonderful, glorious, God-glorifying thing! Your husband has a better idea of what to expect from noisy boys—he was once one, too! Get your husband’s advice on how much to rein them in and when, and where. And you can pray that the Lord will help you learn to love their noisy, boisterous spirits. We NEED strong, active fighters, men, in this country. We have already got too many men in this country who learned in school to sit still, be quiet and just do what they were told.

Question: I have 9 children ages 14- 3. Sometimes many reproving and instruction issues can pile up, and it can take quite a while to sort them all out and deal with them in a calm manner. Any suggestions?

Answer: I know when I was too busy to discipline my children biblically...I WAS frazzled by the end of the day when my husband came home. This is an important verse: Prov 29:17 “Correct your son, and he will give you comfort; he will also delight your heart.” Diligently correcting—over a ‘long time’—will bear good fruit. Prov 29:15 says, “The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame.” Other kids see one being disciplined with justice and fall in line. The Bible instructs us on how to discipline—don’t try alternative methods—they don’t work.

Tonight, “Love” is the topic, what it isn’t...what it is. Is it really about Cupid and Valentine’s Day?

The REAL question is: Why do we humans think so much about love? Stripped down, it’s a basic human elemental need. We're afraid, and we're lonely. We need to know that someone is saying to us: "Do not fear for I am with you...I will strengthen you...I will uphold you...I will never leave you."But guess what? No man will ever be perfect; a man will always disappoint you. Only God will always be there for you.

Our need for love is mentioned first in Gen 32:10, when Jacob says: “I am not worthy of the least of all the deeds of steadfast love and all the faithfulness that you have shown to your servant...” All through Genesis we see members of the covenant family of Abraham thanking God for his love. He reminds them of His love for them, continually showing it, because He knows they need to know it. God is love, and we are created in His image. Our need for love is related to our need for God. God is love. We are image bearers of the One who is love, so we need to give and receive it. God is love. Wives, and women in general, appear to have a special need for love. Eph 5:25 “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” Eph 5:28 “In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.” Eph 5:33 “However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” Col 3:19 “Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.”

Look at what these verses say! Now, this isn’t ammo to use against your husband—this not about what HE should be doing for YOU. We're here tonight to talk about what we should be doing for them. Don’t worry about their specks and beams, focus on your own. We're studying women's need for love in order to help us understand ourselves...to help us to be on our guard… we need to know that this can be a weakness. Our need for love makes us vulnerable. Just look at all the movies, books, magazines, music, the psychology business—they are capitalizing on “love” and they all are influencing us to develop certain expectations. We need to ask ourselves what we have learned about love from Hollywood. What have we learned to expect from men...and how Biblical is it?

One thing they teach us is that the woman has a man focused on her to exclusion of almost all else. Now, are we disappointed to find that we are not the sole focus of our husband’s attention? Is this Biblical? They tell us how men are to be: handsome, rich, witty, intelligent, strong, etc. A more modern woman’s fantasy---to be women who are completely independent of men, except as lifestyle accessories. Fantasies about men only lead to discontentment. Now the female stars teach us we are completely able to compete and win in the world. But we are not like any old or new movie stars—nor are biblical men. Now we know men and women aren't really like the people in movies...but somehow we may still be expecting them to be. Don’t as a Christian be influenced by the movies to think a certain way. It’s NOT harmless ‘entertainment’ or ‘amusement.’ We can’t watch anything or read anything with our minds disconnected. We have to be on guard continually, watching critically, analytically, holding everything up to the standard we learn from Scripture.

Do you ever compare your husband to a character in a book or movie and wish he were more like that? If your man isn’t like the movie actor …remember he doesn’t have the perfect movie script. Be careful! If what you are reading or watching is not helping you love your husband, you shouldn’t be reading or watching what you are... Don’t expect of him what you wouldn’t have of you. Remember, Hollywood’s ideal is selfish, not sacrificial. We Christians are to live firmly in the here and now (not in fantasy world), giving thanks for what we have, and praying for what we need.

Question: Aren’t there some Christian romance novels that would be good, safe reading for our daughters? Many of them promote courtship models and take place in historical settings.”

Answer: It’s challenging to find edifying reading material for daughters. But I believe that genre is unhelpful and dangerous. The heroine’s life centers around romance. The climax of her life is the romance. But your daughter’s life shouldn’t be focused solely on courtship and romance. Thinking about romance doesn’t prepare girls for marriage – only focusing on real life prepares girls for marriage.

One woman told her: "After a few years of reading these novels, I found that my marriage was not as strong or as holy as it should be because I would begin to fantasize so often after reading these novels.” Now these novels weren’t graphic, just planted discontent thoughts like, why isn’t he treating me this way, why can’t he be like that... This train of thought will lead to unrealistic expectations for a spouse. God made him a certain way and so we develop contempt for how God made him. They aren’t to be like the novels—it’s a cheap humanistic imitation. Movies and romance novels don’t just give us false expectations, they give us sinful expectations. Escapism is a kind of idolatry because it trains us to prefer man’s “reality” to God’s.

Romance novels usually present an emphasis on feelings and a glorification of feelings, rather than objectivity and rationality. Is this how we want our daughters to think about men? One woman’s assessment of a novel she read: “…the whole thing was full of enticing descriptions of the young men’s physical appearances…I was fantasizing compulsively about my 'prince charming' and creating in my mind 'the perfect guy'. I wouldn't focus on the jobs the Lord had given me to do in the here and now but would always be wanting to get back to my book as I was still caught up in their world. I would continually be desiring the future, never being content with what God has called me to here and now." Matthew 5:29 warns, "If your right eye makes you stumble, tear it out and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.”

So what does the Bible teach us about the relationship between men and women? What should we expect a biblical marriage relationship to look like? Hollywood teaches us to focus on ourselves...on the desires of our flesh. Yet Eve wasn’t created to be Adam’s focal point but she was specifically created as a helpmeet, with a job to do. His work for the kingdom should be his focus—not you, so grow up and get over it. Focusing on yourself is a Hollywood mindset. But Scripture teaches us that (Rom 8:6-7) “The mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace. For the mind that is set on the flesh is hostile to God, for it does not submit to God's law; indeed, it cannot.” Also, look at this verse: Mat 6:33—“But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” What should you really be seeking? Man was made for work: to be fruitful and multiply, replenish the earth, subdue it, have dominion, make disciples of all nations… You know, it's really very romantic to be co-laborers in the gospel...fellow-heirs of the grace of life!

So, what does the Bible says about love? The Bible has over 500 verses dealing with love. I did a study on the computer on the word love, looking at all the verses together, the spirit of it, and you know, this is what being a Christian is all about. Coleridge the famous poet asked, “Is love a feeling or a fantasy?” God defined it for us in the Bible. John 15:12 "This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.” John 15:13 Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.” 1Jn 3:16 “By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers.”

Love is an action not a feeling or fantasy like we’ve been taught by the world. It’s being willing to live for someone else. To meet others’ needs at one’s own expense, so others have—even if you don’t. It’s sacrificial. 1Jn 3:10 “By this it is evident who are the children of God, and who are the children of the devil: whoever does not practice righteousness is not of God, nor is the one who does not love his brother.” 1Jn 3:14 “We know that we have passed out of death into life, because we love the brothers. Whoever does not love abides in death.” 1Jn 4:8 “Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love.” 1Jn 4:20 “If anyone says, "I love God," and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen.”

This love God’s talking about is dying to self and living for others. We need to evaluate ourselves: are we really Christians? 2Cor 13:5 “Examine yourselves, to see whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves. Or do you not realize this about yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you?--unless indeed you fail to meet the test!” Some of the questions I’m being asked by you ladies indicate selfishness to me is your motive, rather than self-sacrifice. Ask yourself: is my life characterized by love of my husband, kids, and other believers? What I’m saying is that you should examine yourself, if you seem to be unable to love your family, to see whether you are in the faith.

We all stumble at times and make mistakes, but is your life characterized by love or not? Mat 7:21 "Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven.” A Christian is characterized by obedience to the Word of God. His obedience is not what saves him, for it says in Eph 2:8, “For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God.” But as a result of our salvation …our lives will be different, like it says here: 2 Cor 5:17 “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.” A Christian will be characterized by these things as it says in Gal 5:22-24—“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.”

Assume we examine ourselves and find we are in the faith; then this is how we should live with each other. 1Cor 16:14 “Let all that you do be done in love.” Everything that we do should be done in love. There is no neutral territory. No time off from this way of life…no “ME time.”But I’m not saying we shouldn’t rest and take care of ourselves, just do it for the sake of others, not for ‘ME time.’ 2 Cor 5:14-15 “For the love of Christ controls us, because we have concluded this: that one has died for all, therefore all have died; and he died for all, that those who live might no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised.” Gal 5:13 “For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.” Now this is love in action: Col 3:12-14—“Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.”

Let’s look at the passage in 1 Cor 13, ‘the most important love verses’ people think about:

Verses 1-3—“If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.” Outwardly spiritual actions without love are a sham. They are just spiritual games if you’re not characterized by a ‘fruit of the Spirit’ love. It’s not my opinion but what Scripture says.

Verses 4-8: “Love is patient, love is kind and is not envious, love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth, Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.”

Wow, there’s lots of room for thought on these verses, especially for those we love the most: our family. It’s easy for us to be like this when we’re with people from our church people, but it’s harder to do with the family at home, who we are with constantly—we think we just don’t have the time to do it…
First in verse 4: Patience. Love is patient. How do you have this…when we are tired and stressed? Yes, it is harder to be patient. A tip if you are running ragged: take a nap, even if you don’t ‘have the time’. If it means you have to give up your scrapbooking or blogging, then do that first, not the important things you do need to do. You may have to take a nap when your children do. As mothers, trying to get enough rest is something we do for our families. Do it for their sakes, not yourself. Choose the better part—be patient even if you are tired, pregnant, stressed, etc., but if you have physical needs especially if you’re pregnant or sick, do it, but not to indulge your flesh. I’m not telling you that you get to be self-indulgent. I remember when my rowdy boys would interrupt me while I was sewing. I didn’t react well. I realized sewing was not as important as having a good relationship with them. Matt 18:9 “And if your eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away.”I gave up sewing for a season because the temptation for her to sin against her boys by stumbling them because of her behavior. Maybe you need to give something up.

Love is kind. More about this in a later talk.

Verse 5: Unselfishness or “seeketh not it’s own” in another version. What a verse: Phil 2:4 “Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.” You think of others’ welfare. Do a study on all the ‘one another verses in the Bible. This is what this verse is about: others. It’s amazing what how we are called to be with ‘one another.’ (NOTE: I do have a list put together...if I have the time I will post it as a note, too.) I love using the computer Bible program. It is so helpful to study the Word. You know with all the technology and tools we have today, we should be the most biblically literate people in history! She uses E-sword (I use it too, it’s great!) This program is free at http://www.e-sword.net/

Verse 6: Rejoicing in truth. Love rejoices with the truth. John 14:6 “Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.” The ultimate truth is the gospel, who Christ is, so searching out truth is important. For example, how do we talk about each other? Find out if things are really true before you pass them along. If we hear something juicy…if it’s true…do we gossip by passing it on, or is your motive honestly for the person’s good? We should not delight in passing on bad news…things that bring shame on others. Watch your motive when talking!

Verse 7: Being longsuffering: “Love bears all things.” Phil 4:13 “I can do all things through him who strengthens me.” Rom 15:5 “May the God of endurance and encouragement grant you to live in such harmony with one another, in accord with Christ Jesus.”God will grant us endurance to bear hard things--if we pray for it. Col 1:11 “May you be strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy…” God gives abundantly in answer to prayer. Heb 12:1 “Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us.” Here’s a clue also, how to have more endurance, by laying aside entangling sin that burdens us.

And Love believes all things—as in the best about each other. The law says that defendants should be presumed innocent until proven guilty. Do we operate this way? Proverbs has much to say on our speaking. Don’t just repeat things without proof—it’s needed. Don’t just believe any slander you hear…wait and see if the bitter tale is true or not. Is there an ax to grind? Are the ones spreading this bitter at the person or don’t like the biblical teaching? If you hear slander about a person who is a respected leader, a person whose teaching has been a blessing to you…don’t listen to it…don’t repeat it.

And Love hopes all things.—There are dozens of verses about hope in the Bible. Here are some: 1Thess 5:8 “…having put on the breastplate of faith and love, and for a helmet the hope of salvation.” Heb 10:23 “Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful.” 1Pe 1:13 “set your hope fully on the grace that will be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ.”

And Love endures all things— Love that is…true love…endures misunderstandings, failures, delays, hopes for things that never came to pass, sickness, separation, etc. In other words, Love never fails.

Verses 4: It’s not envious. Imagine David bursting in on the scene after killing the mighty Goliath…it became pretty obvious he was going to be next king. But guess what? Even though the natural reaction would be for Jonathan to hate David, Jonathan didn’t even though he was going to ‘lose his throne’ to him. He knew David was God’s man and didn’t envy him for that. Don’t be resentful or envious of another’s gifts. The key to overcoming envy is to recognize that a person’s gifts are from God. And be content with what God’s given you.

Love is not boastful. Prov 27:2 “Let another praise you, and not your own mouth; a stranger, and not your own lips.”

Nor is it arrogant—Jas 4:6 "God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble." There is a certain kind of pride, a ‘superiority over other’s’ type. As the NASB says, it’s self-explanatory; Love is not rude, irritable or resentful.

Being resentful. This is important: don’t focus on it. Bitterness is really dangerous. Heb 12:15 “See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no "root of bitterness" springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled” Bitterness causes trouble, defiles, separates, steals our joy and spreads, defiling many. And we wives probably all have things we think we can legitimately be bitter about. This is what the verse means when it says, love does not take into account a wrong suffered. All our husbands have failed us, disappointed us, not met our expectations, hurt us—in some way—and these are the best Christian ones. It’s worse if they’re not Christians!

BUT love doesn’t keep a mental list of all the hurts and resentment. Eph 4:31 “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.” If you only remember one verse from tonight, hold on to this one! Don’t store up bitterness to someday make him make it up to you—let it go. No one can possibly make up for years of accumulated bitterness. Let the Lord work out. Bitterness is like the weeds in a garden -you have to keep it weeded out constantly, as weeds constantly spring up! Only the Lord can meet all our needs. Eph 4:32 Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” Bitterness about the past WILL poison the present.

And as for grievances—well are YOU so perfect? Doesn’t your husband have reason to be bitter toward you? Perhaps that’s why these verses were written, too: Col 3:19 “Husbands, love your wives, and do not be embittered against them. Eph 4:31-32 “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”

Last tip on how to love your husband: show him affection, even if you don’t want to because there is strife between you. It will help heal strife between you if you do it. “Be kind to one another…tenderhearted.” Husbands need our love and affection at all times. Do little things for him, kiss on the top of his head, pat his arm... How long is it since you thanked your husband for working hard all day and providing for the family? Be sober and think what would you have done differently…if your husband went out the door and never came home…the car accident statistics are chilling. Do you really appreciate him for all he does—and show it? Go ahead, kiss him goodbye when he leaves the house. Show him little acts of kindness…like buying his favorite ice cream… Forgive him as Christ has forgiven you…

2 Thess 3:5 “May the Lord direct your hearts into the love of God and to the steadfastness of Christ.”

Evenings with Victoria - Session 3

2010-04-08T18:18:00.000-04:00

Evenings with Victoria Botkin - Session 3 - Proverbs 31 woman

(notes taken by Beth Braun)

Her husband’s mother had her 90th BD. Her mother-in-law was married at 32. Had her first baby within the year, then became pregnant right away again. Her doctor thought it was a bad idea to have a baby so soon, especially since she once had rheumatic fever which weakened her heart. The doctor advised her to have a ‘therapeutic abortion’ for her health. She said no, and…the pregnancy and labor went fine. Both she and the baby were OK. This baby ended up being…Victoria’s husband, Jeff! And after this, despite her ‘weak heart’, she had 2 more babies, for 4 children total…Victoria is very grateful to her mother-in-law for choosing to have Jeff, her husband, and not aborting him.

Let’s answer a few questions first:

Question: I know I should be submissive, and I think I am, but my husband says I’m not.

Answer: Perhaps you say you are but in heart you are not. In your heart are you resentful? You are respectful outwardly in words and actions but not in heart. Eph 5:23 says, “But as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives also be to their husbands in everything.” Examine yourself and see if you really want to be obedient to Lord in this area. When you won’t submit…you think you’re defying your husband, but you are really being defiant to the Lord God. It’s really the Lord you are submitting to, when you submit to your husband. And it’s really the Lord you are rebelling against, if you don’t. Trust the Lord in this.

Maybe you really are trying to be submissive but your husband doesn’t recognize it. If you’ve set a pattern over years of not being submissive, well, it may take time for him to see real change. Perhaps you need to ask his forgiveness.

Question: what is the difference between apologizing and seeking forgiveness?

Answer: Apologizing can be a way just to smooth things over, saying you’re sorry but you are not really. Like if you say you are sorry but you’re really not sorry, inside you’re madder than ever but say it to him just to smooth things over because he’s mad at you. When you say, “I’m sorry if what I said made you mad…” You haven’t admitted to doing anything wrong; in fact, you’ve sort of implied that you didn’t do anything, that it’s his fault because he got mad. So you’ve shifted the blame to him.

Esau lost his birthright and was sorry about losing it later—but not sorry about despising his God-given birthright. (Gen 25:30-34; Gen 27:34-36; Heb 12:16-17) Sin is disobeying God’s instruction to us. It requires more than just saying “I apologize”…it requires confession of what you did and to ALL who witnessed your disobedience: to God, to the person you sinned against, and to anyone else. James 5:16—“Confess therefore your sins one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed.” It’s confessing your sin. Say it sincerely… if your kids heard you, they’re included, so ask forgiveness of them, too. Show you are repentant, not just ‘are sorry.’

A real confession consists of four things:
1. Identifying and stating what you did that was sin, and admitting that it was wrong
2. Saying you are sorry you did it
3. Asking the other party to forgive you
4. Saying you won’t do it again, or that you are trying to overcome this habit, in other words…repenting!

Pride…being afraid of others think of you…these things can cause you not to do this. Prov 28:13 says, “He that covereth his transgressions shall not prosper: But whoso confesseth and forsaketh them shall obtain mercy.” It’s important to model this repentance to your kids. That God can make all things work together to good... God can use your sin…if you confess and ask forgiveness…it will model for your children how to repent when they have sinned. Show them how to repent, confess, and forsake also.

If you truly have repented, it usually will bring mercy from your husband if he sees you are sincere. It wins his respect. If it helps, ask him to tell you how to show you are submissive.

Question: Little League Baseball is starting in our town, and our 12 year old daughter would like to play. My husband sees no problem with this, but I would like to encourage her towards being a young
lady and putting away certain things. Is this an area where I should submit and not try to get him to see my way in this?

Answer: Conforming outwardly is a mommy trend, the latest way of doing things; men see it differently. Your goal should be family united in obedience to God. Having a renewed mind to find the perfect will of God in every situation. Maybe ask, honey, can we talk about the moral challenges? If yes, then talk about the ethical and biblical beliefs RESPECTFULLY. What’s the family policy?—He can then think about what he believes and talk about it. When your husband sees that you are genuinely interested in his biblical
opinion, it will change his life. If He says what are you talking about??? Well, then ask him for help with your opinion in light of biblical thinking. When he starts helping you with your opinions, to
make sure they are fully biblical, he will come to biblical convictions himself. Genuine interest in HIS biblical opinion will change his life. Help him become biblical rather that manipulating him to be so.

Question: How can I help a daughter who is a tomboy to become more feminine?

Answer: As for being more ladylike... Victoria says she pretended she was a cowboy or Indian as a young girl—she was not raised in Christian home. Neighbors worried at her example to their daughter, so they made their daughter wear dresses all the time. That girl hated it, being forced. Some of us have had, and have tried to force on our daughters, a false idea of what femininity really is.
Don’t force femininity, like wearing pink and doilies and tea sets and dolls—these things are not inherently wrong but that’s not what’s at the heart of femininity. Outward stereotypes don’t make inward femininity. Biblical Femininity is about helping your husband. Look at the examples of the Pilgrim women, or how the pioneer women helped their husbands. A biblical woman can do exciting things as she helps her husband…crocheting doilies does not necessarily denote ‘femininity’.

Books helped Victoria get through her tomboyishness—she gained a vision for what it is to be a wife, woman, and mother. They can give us a vision for how exciting and fulfilling being a woman – a wife and mother- can be. The Little House on the Prairie book series helped her, specifically the example of Ma Ingalls. Another came from a book called A Bride Goes West, which was not perfect but it is good for daughters needing a vision for being a wife/mother. Read 1st hand accounts of women of the past, and their biographies, just watch out for feminist editors distorting things. Our lives now really aren’t that hard--even with having 8 or 9 kids, compared to those mothers who went west on the Oregon Trail...or the women who raised families on the frontier...our lives are easy!

Well, our heroine for tonight is the Proverbs 31woman, verses 10-31

Verse 10—“An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels.”
--Knowing that God's inspired Word says that an excellent wife is more precious than jewels should be a great inspiration to wives who are aspiring to be like this. Diligently faithful, godly wives: this is how greatly GOD values homemakers even though the ‘career woman’ looks down on you so scornfully.

Verse 11— “The heart of her husband trusteth in her, and he shall have no lack of gain.”
--He trusts in you; you’ve earned it by working hard for Him. Working as a team, teamwork brings God’s favor.

(Note: Verse 12 she brings up later)

Verse 13—“She seeketh wool and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.”
--Her hands made her own cloth to make her home’s clothing. She did such a task willingly; it was not a ‘chore’ to her. She was thankful for the raw materials and a family to make all those clothes for. Have a thankful spirit—you can buy your clothes, be thankful for all those who wear the clothes--the bigger the pile, the more grateful you should be!

Verse 14—“She is like the merchant-ships; She bringeth her bread from afar.”
--She sells for a profit. The time you spend working for a bargain, these are 21st century terms: find a good deal but remember, time is also valuable, so crunch the numbers to see if it’s worth the ‘bargain’—ask your husband if he thinks it’s worth it.

Verse 15—“She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth food to her household, and their task to her maidens.”
--Well, she has maidservants, which we don’t but we DO have kids. If we take the time to train them, we have help. Yes, it’s easier to do it yourself, especially when the children are young, but really it’s an investment that will pay off handsomely for all of you if you take the time starting when they are little.

Verse 16—“She considereth a field, and buyeth it; with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.”
--She is increasing his estate but not working independently of him. Her husband trusts her to do business on HIS behalf. Example: a friend’s wife conducts business transactions for her husband on his behalf when he is too busy. Note, it looks different for each marriage but the important thing is that she IS NOT working independently of her husband but as part of a team. His counsel and blessing is on this enterprise.

Verse 17—“She girdeth her loins with strength, and maketh strong her arms.”
--This is a great verse; it refers to her emotional and spiritual strength. 2 Timothy 1:7 says, “For God hath not given us the spirit
of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” She was a strong woman …it was her faith in God that made her strong. Her arms were strong—she didn’t shrink from physical work. The example in the Bible of Rebekah drawing water for the camels was physical work. (Gen 24:10-20) The women in the Bible didn’t just sit around in their tents. They did do physical work. It’s also good for us!

Verse 18—“She perceives that her merchandise is profitable. Her lamp does not go out at night.”
--The New American Standard Version says “She senses that her gain is good.” There’s a profit/loss statement of the business she is involved in—and she has a good profit. Also, she didn’t just do nothing, just sitting around in the evening.

Verse 19—“She puts her hands to the distaff, and her hands hold the spindle.”
--Again, we see her hands at work, this time spinning.

Verse 20—“She opens her hand to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy.”
--She reaches out those same hands to the needy.

Verse 21—“She is not afraid of snow for her household, for all her household are clothed in scarlet.”
--Thanks to her diligence and industry, her house has appropriate clothing, things appropriate for a house whose husband sits in gates. Their attire reflects her husband as well.

Verse 22—“She makes bed coverings for herself; her clothing is fine linen and purple.”
--The clothing reflects on her esteemed husband, so it’s important how she/they dress/appear. (In a later session we’ll deal with this issue.)

Verse 23—“Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land.”
--He trusts her so much taking care of the house that’s he’s freed up to do this!

Verse 24—“She makes linen garments and sells them; she delivers sashes to the merchant.”
--Another business venture.

Verse 25—“Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come.”
--This is a favorite verse of mine. She is full of faith, godly like Sarah who was not frightened by any fear.

Verse 26—“She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.”
--She is self-disciplined. She applied her mind to seek wisdom, not just to seek it but teach wisdom also. Proverbs 18:21 states, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat
its fruit.” This is a sobering verse—death and life are in the power of our tongues.

Verse 27—“She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.”
--Diligence and careful oversight are once again seen.

Verse 28—“Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:”
--She has developed and maintained a good, loving relationship with her children and husband, which, by the way, far surpasses her financial gain!

Verses 29-30—“"Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all. Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.”
--Her fear of the Lord is the source of her excellence.

Verse 31—“Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates.”
--Her reputation precedes her.

The Titus 2 worker at home is what she demonstrates. We see that she works at home, however, we see that she is not exclusively at
home. But the home IS her base of operations.

Looking well to the ways of her house (Proverbs 31:12)… Well, it’s a tradition in America—this brings up a question:

Question: Is the house the wife’s domain?

Answer: In one sense true--her actions center around the home. It is her headquarters but…the home is not exclusively the wife’s
domain, meaning, hers… to the exclusion of her husband's. Unfortunately with the industrial revolution, men moved out of the home and the home was no longer their base of operations also. By the 1900's wives were very much in control of the family homes.
So then…The women made ‘their’ nice homes and didn’t want their dirty husbands coming into ‘their’ clean kitchen, ‘her’ nice house. Husbands basically got banished to the workshop or doghouse. It’s disrespectful to the head of home for a wife to act that way. Eph 5 says to respect your husband. The home should reflect the mission of the husband, and his tastes and interests, and not just those of the wife. This is a way of honoring your husband and his work. It’s NOT ‘her’ home to decorate so the husband looks totally out of place in it. (She’s seen houses where they are so femininely decorated, the husbands look totally out of place in their own home.) The home we share with our husband should reflect his interests, with our loving touch celebrating and beautifying those
interests. Try choosing things he likes to decorate with.

We women need to be careful not to get sidetracked by our houses. It’s good for a home to be attractive and comfortable for guests but your objective is to be an ambassador of Christ. We have to keep things in balance, and be careful never to focus on the house at the expense of our families. Luke 10:41-42 “But the Lord answered her, "Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her."

The home is not the focus of our attention but rather its importance and availability for hospitality and discipleship. It’s a means to an end but not the end itself. Use your house as a help to train and equip. A house says something about who lives there. Home decoration is important because it says something about us and our families. Most homes today are dominated by huge plasma screen TV ‘shrines’. We used to have God-given ingenuity in the old days before TV— doing such creative things as quilting or music playing, actually spending the time making things for the home before TV came along. Julia Child, many, many years ago, who wrote Mastering the Art of French Cooking said: "I don't think Americans would waste a perfectly good evening staring at a box."
That’s what she thought of TV. Now, sadly, though, Americans have wasted so much time in front of that TV box in the 60 yrs since she said that...

If you have finances of limited supply and the economy’s bad, a very important thing is not to let yourself feel poor. No matter now little money you have. Biblically, being poor meant that you didn’t know where your next meal was coming from. Focus on God. Millionaires often ‘feel poor’, not because they don’t have enough money but because they look at their neighbors and see what they don’t have, so they ‘feel poor’. Compared to their neighbors, they feel poor. Feeling poor is a state of mind which really has nothing to do with money. Feeling rich has everything to do with recognizing and appreciating the blessings God has bestowed on us. If we are believers, we are rich. You should ‘feel’ SO rich! Recognize and appreciate ALL the blessings God has bestowed on you in this country…so many freedoms, such as to home educate, have the Word of God, etc. Concentrate on the blessings you have-- be
thankful-- for you have many! Ask the Lord to help you recognize and appreciate them and be thankful for them! Proverbs 10:22 says, “The blessing of the LORD makes rich, and he adds no sorrow with it.” Concentrate on the blessings you DO have rather than comparing yourself to people who…well, you just don’t have their stuff. How about comparing yourself to those truly poor people in Haiti for perspective? Now that’s poor!

Ps 31:21—“Blessed be the LORD, for he has wondrously shown his steadfast love to me when I was in a besieged city.” Are you aware of God's love for you? Are you trying to understand the depths of it?
Have you forgotten this verse? David was besieged, which was about as bad as it can get but he was aware of God’s blessings to him in that place, that was his focus. Romans 8:38-39: “For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

Maybe your husband’s not be working as hard as he can to provide. My advice? Win them without a word like it says in Peter: Do not reproach your husband or complain; accept your situation and God's control over it. Phil 4:6 encourages us, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.”
And what does 1 Peter 5:6-7 say? “Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.” And remember that the Lord has the power to do anything He pleases…even to change your husband’s heart. Nothing is too
difficult for Him. Seeing you cheerfully working hard...maybe even struggling...to make ends meet will do more to inspire your husband to work harder than all the nagging in the world.

And don’t blame him for things the Lord is doing. Look at what Rachel said in Gen 30:1-2—“When Rachel saw that she bore Jacob no children, she envied her sister. She said to Jacob, "Give me children, or I shall die!" Jacob's anger was kindled against Rachel, and he said, "Am I in the place of God, who has withheld from you the fruit of the womb?" She accused her husband...but it was God’s doing. Maybe, regarding finances, it is YOU that is actually spending too much. Be frugal yourself, but don’t nag and scold him about the finances, which will only make matters worse. Managing your household in such a way that you can live on your husband's income is one of the most important ways you can help him. You know, now the internet can make things worse for a wife: now you don’t have to leave the house to go shopping! Being frugal is an important way to help him.

Some shopping hints/helps. Try subjecting your prospective purchases to this list before you buy:
--Can we do without it? If not,
--Can we make it, or scrounge it? If not,
--Can we swap something for it? If not,
--Can we buy it used? If not,
--Can we buy it on sale?
--Don't pay full price EVER until you have shopped around a lot and determined that there is no alternative.

Even if you ‘have the money’, you should still be a good steward of what God has given us. Whatever the cause of funds shortage, be extremely careful about covetousness. Why? Wanting more stuff is OK, right? Read Col 3:5—“Put to death therefore what is earthly
in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry.” Covetousness is right up there with sexual immorality and evil desires in God’s eyes...

Question: Why is covetousness idolatry?

Answer: By coveting, we are not acknowledging God as the One who provides for us and that he DOES provide for us. When we are not content with what God has provided for us, we are finding fault with Him...even despising Him! Job 40:2 says, "Shall a faultfinder contend with the Almighty? He who argues with God, let him answer it." It is a shame for Christians to find fault with God. Look at Luke 12:15—“And he said to them, "Take care, and be on your guard against all covetousness, for one's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions." What DO our lives consist of? Deut 30:19-20: “I call heaven and earth to witness against you today, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and curse. Therefore choose life, that you may live; you and your descendants, by loving the LORD your God, by obeying His voice and by holding fast to Him, for this is your life and length of days...” THIS is your life.

Be thankful for all of God’s blessings to you! 1 Tim 6:6 says, “Now there is great gain in godliness with contentment…” There is wealth and gain for us as Christians… that has nothing to do with
money. Choose to become rich in godliness--with contentment. Remember how to: Deut 30:20—“…by loving the LORD your God, by obeying His voice and by holding fast to Him”

Housekeeping Question: So how important is it to keep a clean house?

Answer: One problem she had with a book of advice on housekeeping: is keeping the house clean the goal? The author had far less kids, her kids went to a private school (unlike Victoria who home schooled ALL her own)—well, the author burdened others by her advice. Germs are bad, but face it, dust and clutter are not life threatening. It’s simple: Our homes should be well-kept enough to
be a good testimony. Just do your husband’s will in keeping it, how clean he wants it. Luke 10:40-42: “… Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to Him and said, "Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to
help me." But the Lord answered her, "Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her." Martha vs. Mary: Are we so busy cleaning we miss the good part, what God’s word says? Find a balance: germ-free but so house cleaning doesn’t eat up all your time. Streamline cleaning as much as possible.

Hints on streamlining things:
-- Do what is necessary. And only when necessary… not because it’s a certain day of the week.
--Invest in good tools which will make the work go faster.
--Develop a system which works for your family, and teach it to your children as soon as they are old enough to help.
--Try to get rid of excess belongings you don’t need or use.
--Important: Just do what you need to do to please your husband.

Don’t judge people who houses are messier, or worry about people whose houses are cleaner. Respect your mom but don’t worry about pleasing her by your housekeeping (‘just like hers!’) Yes, with little kids, it can be hard. Here’s a thought: let older daughters of yours help younger moms to manage their homes who are overwhelmed by a bunch of little ones. 1 Peter 4:10—“As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God's varied grace.”

Question: Shouldn’t husbands help with the housework? Isn’t it fair for them to have some jobs too? Things like taking out the trash, and mowing the lawn, which are traditionally men’s jobs?

Answer: If they see you struggling bravely without complaining…they usually gladly will help you out. But…don’t expect him to be YOUR helper. This is a good example of biblical femininity: wives helping husbands: Victoria’s friend tries to do whatever things around the house (‘guy stuff’) that she can to free him up so when he comes home tired from work, he has been freed up for other things. This is biblical femininity. What if your husband doesn’t want you to drive, even though you think it would help get stuff done? Well, if your husband says so, learn to enjoy it.

An extremely important way you can help your husband: Avoid having expectations for things that the Bible has not said that you are entitled to. Like…him taking out the trash like your dad did for your mom. The feminist movement in all the Western nations, this drive to make everything egalitarian in the home, everything’s 50-50, including all the housework, so the two of you become petty bureaucrats squabbling…these are ALL groundless expectations. And examples like you have to have big fuss over your birthday, a certain stand of living is required just ‘because’... this is an interesting verse: 1 Tim 6:8—“But if we have food and clothing,
With these we will be content.”

Back to being managers while juggling all those responsibilities as moms: You have kids? Discipline them. You can’t keep kids in order without training your kids to obey. The bottom line is this: Your children must be trained to obey.

Follow what’s in Proverbs about children, the ‘tips.’ Here are 3 books you might want to read regarding raising children: 1). "Shepherding a Child's Heart," by Ted Tripp, 2). "Heart of Anger," by Lou Priolo, and 3). "Proverbs for Parenting," by Barbara Decker.
It does take up a lot of time, child training, but it is a good investment. Victoria remembers thinking, oh, I didn’t get my list done…floor needed scrubbed, pantry reorganized…but I DID get these things done with my kids: reprove, correct, exhort, encourage, apply Band-Aids, etc. Scrubbing floors not as important—but I’m NOT saying housework isn’t important--but analyze what’s the press need for the moment, the housework or training the kids.
Tip: Reading together teaches them to love to read…then the kids aren’t running around making messes, they’re out of trouble and each others’ hair. Doing this helps them—and you. It also instills a good habit AND it contributes to home schooling. Reading is an important way to learn—Victoria didn’t use textbooks (except to teach math) to educate her children nor did she use unit studies or a curriculum or anything, just taught them to READ a lot…

Question: Can you tell us how you spend your quiet time with the Lord? Do you read just your Bible? Do you use a devotional or reading plan? How do you find the time to read your bible alone?

Answer: Interesting question. I didn’t come from a Christian home. Her church as a young Christian emphasized having a quiet time in the morning. Psalms does say ‘early will I seek thee’. But when I married…she noticed her husband never kept his Bible on the shelf after done with his ‘bible time’, he always kept it near him, all day. No ‘put away time’ for his bible! He wore out several Bibles over the years…haha, you should see his now, very worn from all the use.

She had a ‘you have to have a quiet time’ mentality…but when she had a baby, ‘quiet time’ began to not happen. Oh she’d wait until tomorrow for ‘the perfect time’ to do it, but it wouldn’t happen and guilt set in. So she started reading aloud to her kids aloud. You know, the Bible doesn’t mention some ‘reading quiet times’ ritual—it uses words like preach, exhort, etc. Learn to read the Bible ‘in season, out of season’, ALL the time. Not just read it but LOVE it…she’ll snatch a verse while cooking supper because her Bible’s right by her. Maybe you could read it when up at night nursing the baby. You’re not a failure to not ‘have quiet times’—God doesn’t command ‘Thou must have quiet times.’

Also, your kids don’t need a child’s Bible, read the REAL thing to them. She did use picture bibles with her children when they were young for they loved looking at the pictures which made them be interested in all the familiar characters and stories. But remember, the REAL BIBLE must be read to them—it’s God’s word, not those children’s stories.
Question: My husband is a Christian, and a faithful churchgoer, but he doesn’t read Scripture with the children. Is it right for me to do it? Would it be going against his leadership?

Answer: This is a delicate situation; you need tact. Deut 6:4-7 does say: “Hear, O Israel: Jehovah our God is one Jehovah: and thou shalt love Jehovah thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might. And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be upon thy heart; and thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thy house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.” Even if he forbids you, you can appeal to God and him about this situation. Ask him if he’s OK with you reading the Bible with the kids, but make sure he’s clear you’re not trying to usurp his authority in the home and with them.

Pray for him and the situation. Luke 18:1-5: “And (Jesus) told them a parable to the effect that they ought always to pray and not lose heart. He said, "In a certain city there was a judge who neither feared God nor respected man. And there was a widow in that city who kept coming to him and saying, 'Give me justice against my adversary.' For a while he refused, but afterward he said to himself, 'Though I neither fear God nor respect man, yet because this widow keeps bothering me, I will give her justice, so that she will not beat me down by her continual coming.'" Keep persevering in prayer! And remember, James 5:16—“…The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.”